


To Be Human

by NympheSama



Category: Endless Summer (Visual Novel)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bittersweet, Emotional Constipation, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Roller Coaster, F/M, Family, Feels, Friendship, Healing, Loss, M/M, Pain, Personal Growth, Song Lyrics, Song fic for emotional and personal character growth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-22
Updated: 2020-05-17
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:20:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 73,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23443873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NympheSama/pseuds/NympheSama
Summary: Taylor makes the ultimate sacrifice for those he loves; but are they prepared to deal with the consequences of his choice?Can they let him go?Or will they fall apart from their grief?
Relationships: Craig Hsiao/Zahra Namazi, Diego Soto/Varyyn (Endless Summer), Estela Montoya/Kele, Jake McKenzie/Main Character (Endless Summer), Mike Darwin/Diego Soto, Sean Gayle/Michelle Nguyen
Comments: 63
Kudos: 20





	1. To Be Human

**Author's Note:**

  * For [winchesteenwolf](https://archiveofourown.org/users/winchesteenwolf/gifts).



> FIRST OFF (early) HAPPY BIRTHDAY
> 
> Second; I hope EVERYONE enjoys this, it's been a thrill to write - please please PLEASE let me know what you think ❤  
> It means a lot...
> 
> x My love to you all x

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have had this idea so long and it meant so much to me... 
> 
> This has been sitting in a folder since January 7th. I wanted to work on it so many times... but I just couldn't.  
> It's still unfinished at the moment. Not by much, but enough that it isn't really READY.  
> I was going to wait a few more days, try to finish it and post it all in one day; see what happened, but, here's chapter 1... just as a taster.
> 
> I hope you all enjoy it; and know that I appreciate every single person who opens this, reads this, leaves kudos and/or comments (obviously i appreciate you even without the last two - but they inspire me to keep trying)  
> if i don't make you cry; i am a failure
> 
> I have some other projects I want to get into after this... and I think, I need to start working on them soon. Because I don't want to miss out on the chance to share the ideas; and the love which I feel for them, with all of you - and everyone else who might ever want to read.
> 
> Anyway, enough from me!
> 
> please let me know what you think... this one is... important to me 
> 
> x My love to you all x

**To Be Human**

Taylor stood atop the roof of the Celestial, staring at the whirlpool of stars over his head. His heart was heavy, weighed down by what he knew he needed to do; the weight of everything he would need to give up. But as much as he wished things were different, wished that he could stay with those he loved; the friends, the family he’d built for himself… he knew that _this_ was the only way to give them those futures they sought, craved; deserved.

He’d been a coward. He’d left them while they were sleeping, avoiding having to say that final goodbye. He’d recorded a message on Diego’s phone… for after. As much as it pained him to think of himself as running away, he couldn’t deny the truth of it. He didn’t want to see the pain, the confusion in their eyes when he left them. He didn’t want to see the betrayal in Jake’s eyes, when he abandoned him, only a few short hours after their hand-fasting. His eyes stung, his throat sticking painfully.

“I must say, Taylor…” Taylor grit his teeth at the too smug voice, his hands balling into fists at his sides, though he quickly forced himself to relax them again. After all, what was the point in fighting the inevitable? “You are a _remarkable_ specimen of human ingenuity. Why, if I were a younger man, more inclined to your uh, _persuasion…_ why, I do believe I would be quite taken with your clever mind.”

Taylor grimaced, barely glancing in the other man’s direction. “Are you _trying_ to make me barf?” He asked snidely, sneering at the older man as he turned his face back to the stars. He couldn’t help but wonder which one might be his destination. Would Jake and his friends be able to see it? Would they be able to sense him, all those millions of miles away? “What do you want, Rourke?” He sighed, closing his eyes as he tried to imagine a world where he wouldn’t need to abandon those he loved the most. What would it be like? To have lived a full life with them? 

The questions nagged at him.

“I think you’re somewhat rather more intelligent than you make yourself out to be sometimes, Taylor.” Rourke chuckled drily, shaking his head as he swirled a glass of bourbon in his hand slowly. “I think we’re both more than aware that you know what I want… and we both know, that you’re the only one who can give it to me.” He said.

Taylor felt the man’s eyes on him, but he did not turn. He didn’t want to see Rourke, the man who had brought those he loved to this terrible, beautiful place. He didn’t want to see the cause of his heartache. If not for Rourke, neither he nor his friends would have ever been trapped on La Huerta. 

Of course, without his friends and loved ones; Taylor would never have existed at all. He huffed quietly at the conundrum, puzzling over which scenario would have truly been for the best.

“What makes you think I’m interested in helping you with anything, Rourke?” Taylor asked quietly, searching the sky for the now familiar constellations. He might have left his friends while they slept, but he felt a warmth in his otherwise cold heart; as he saw their constellations glittering above him. As if a part of them remained with him. 

He hoped he still felt that way, when all he had were the stars and the emptiness.

“Come, come now, Taylor.” Rourke scoffed, rolling his eyes, though Taylor couldn’t see the action. “What other options do you have at this point? At the end of all things?” He pressed, lapsing into a brief silence, as he slowly rose to his feet from where he sat at the small rooftop bar. “Taylor, I know what you are..." Rourke whispered, like a cobra coiled to strike, as he slowly approached Taylor. “I know you were cheated out of a normal life.” He said, almost convincing in his show of sympathy. If Taylor didn’t know he was about as emotionally handicapped as your average rock. “But… if you see Project Janus through, you'll be able to make _real_ memories with those you care about." He said, prowling around Taylor slowly, like a predator examining its prey before it struck. 

Taylor merely blinked at the sky tiredly, his heart clenching at the thought of the life he'd once thought he had. 

"Whatever you may feel about my methods, draining the Heart, is the only means of staying with your friends… and restoring the world." Rourke finally concluded, spreading his palms and leaning against the railing a short distance from Taylor; smirking confidently as he anticipated Taylor’s seemingly inevitable decision.

Taylor sighed, closing his eyes and thinking of his friends. He wondered what they might choose in his stead. Would they choose to stay together? Would they want to go back to the world they knew; though, would it really _be_ the world they knew, with Rourke having moulded it in his image? Would they take that risk, for the chance to be together still? Or would they do the right thing, regardless of their own wishes and desires? 

What was the only right, the only _human_ , thing to do?

Taylor swallowed thickly, his eyes opening slowly as he felt a pressure begin to build in his chest, constricting his throat painfully. He stared at the dark sky, at the glittering orbs high above him; and listened to the silent cries of his fractured heart.

“ _Under rich, relentless skies…_ ” he murmured thickly, barely aware of the words as his throat throbbed with the force of his emotions. “ _I've been... setting highs,_ ” his breath hitched, his eyes half closing again as he felt his eyes sting with un-shed tears. “ _I felt you walk right through me.”_ He whispered to himself, his lip trembling as his hands curled slowly around the railing.

 _“You're the thing that I invoke,”_ he breathed, his thoughts shifting through all of his friends and the different ways in which he loved them all; saving the most potent, his husband, for last. “ _My all persistent goal…”_ his heart lurched as he swallowed heavily, trying to push back the tide of grief which attempted to drown him. “ _Sent to make me queasy.”_ He shuddered, the pressure in his chest growing, consuming him like a slow burning flame.

Rourke raised a brow at him, watching him warily; as if he were some kind of deranged animal. “Quite,” he drawled slowly, clearing his throat as he straightened and smoothed his jacket lapels with one hand, looking at Taylor expectantly. “But while I’m sure this, _episode_ , will bring you much needed relief from a stressful situation; we are _rather_ on a tight schedule.” He pressed, gesturing negligently to the great vortex, devouring the opposite side of the night sky.

 _“And oh...”_ Taylor sighed wistfully, ignoring Rourke entirely. _“It's hard now…”_ he choked, his hands tightening on the railing as he squeezed his eyes shut and tried to keep himself from crying out at the acute pain which sliced cleanly through his heart. “ _With time,”_ he hiccuped, shaking his head as if in denial, as the pressure in his chest continued to grow. _“It works out…”_ he half sobbed, a soft gasp escaping him as his knuckles turned white from the force with which he gripped at the railing.

“Really, Taylor…” Rourke scoffed, sighing as he rolled his eyes. “Is this truly the time for such theatrics? And here I thought you were more intelligent than thi- _”_

Taylor’s eyes snapped open, his broken gaze locked onto the stars above him; as if they held all the answers he so needed help finding. “ _To be human is to **love...** _ ” he cried, as if he’d been struck by a sudden burst of clarity. He wasn’t sure if that was true, but he certainly felt the words ringing with truth as soon as they burst free of him. “ _Even when it gets too **much…”** _ Taylor shuddered at the force behind the words, his heart accelerating as the pressure in his chest condensed to a tight ball, swirling like a miniature, wild whirlwind. _“I'm not ready to give up…”_

Taylor shivered, swallowing thickly as he tried to push back the rising tide he could feel within himself; his emotions breaking free of his previous tight control. “ _To be human is to **love!** _ ” He repeated, his gaze hardening as he stared up at the sky angrily, hateful of this destiny which had been laid out before him. “ _Even when it gets too **much!**_ ” He yelled, scowling as the pressurised whirlwind in his chest seemed to triple its force. “ _ **I'm not ready to give up**!” _

Taylor didn’t notice Rourke reaching for him, too busy glaring at the sky. However the second the man’s hand settled upon his shoulder, Taylor felt the tight ball of pressure explode from him; the force of it blowing Rourke clean off his feet and across the rooftop. With the tidal wave of power which rushed from him, Taylor saw the torches along the railing burst into flames; which seemed to dance in a nonexistent breeze.

Taylor bounced his foot lightly, feeling a rhythm beneath his skin which he couldn’t explain. His hands released the railing, rising at his sides as he instead gripped at the very air around him and scowled darkly at the stars. _“All the tigers have been out,”_ he muttered, turning his head away from the sky at last and scowling at the empty horizon instead. _“I don't care, I hear them howl!”_ He closed his eyes, spreading his arms as the flames from the four rooftop corner torches sprang from their braziers and leapt toward him in the form of huge flaming tigers. “ _I let them tear right through me…_ ” he whispered, as the fiery tigers leapt through him, the flames flickering as they crashed through one another and split into smaller sprites, which slowly morphed into long spires and curled themselves around his arms.

Taylor watched the effect with detachment, his attention turning toward Rourke as the man heaved himself up from the floor to lean against the railing. He narrowed his eyes as he stalked over to him, stamping his foot as he came to a halt and glared down at Rourke’s surprised gaze. “ _Can you help me not to care?”_ He demanded brokenly, his eyes stinging as he pointed to Rourke; the flames around his arms springing forth at his command to bind Rourke in place like rope. " _Every breath becomes a prayer…”_ Taylor’s voice broke as he crouched down before Rourke, their eyes level as he pressed his hand to his chest. “ _Take this pain from me.”_ He pleaded, ignoring the pain which prickled in his throat as he held Rourke’s eyes in his tormented gaze a moment longer.

 _“And oh...”_ he sighed, straightening slowly and lifting his face to the stars once more, staring emptily as if he could hear them calling to him. _“You're so far now...”_ he whispered, closing his eyes and trying to recall the sound of his husband’s voice; one last time. “ _So far from my arms now…”_ his whisper wavered; and finally his voice broke, his pain palpable in the jagged breath which he sucked between his teeth.

“Maybe not so far as ya think.” Mike’s unexpected voice made Taylor gasp, whirling toward the fire exit door with wide disbelieving eyes. His heart crashed heavily against his chest, his throat tightening at the sight of those whom he hadn’t expected to see again with his own, _human,_ eyes.

 _“To be human is to love!”_ Quinn’s voice burst from the crowd, which parted to let her cross the roof and quickly fold her arms around Taylor, hiding her face in his shoulder as she shook with sobs.

 _“Even when it gets too much!”_ Diego’s voice followed Quinn’s, his footsteps quick and quiet as he too crossed the rooftop and threw his arms around his best friend, trapping him between the two.

 _“I'm not ready to give up.”_ Sean’s deep voice rumbled, as he and Michelle led the other’s across the roof, the group falling into a loose circle around Taylor and his two most grieved friends. 

_“To be human is to love,”_ Estela said quietly, her eyes pained but understanding as she met Taylor’s gaze, while Kele rubbed her shoulder comfortingly.

 _“Even when it gets too much!”_ Grace’s voice wavered, but she remained tucked into Aleister’s side, the pale man seeming to cling to her just as firmly as she did him; his sadness just as thick around them.

 _“I ain’t ready to give up…”_ Mike murmured, stepping forward to bump his fist to Taylor’s chin fondly, his usually cheerful smile sad; but supportive all the same.

As his friends all formed a circle around him, Quinn and Diego reluctantly released him; moving back to join the others as they began to move as one. Taylor stared in disbelief as his friends twirled and danced gracefully around him, just as he had many a time before. His eyes stung, water filling them as his heart swelled with love and affection for each and every one of the people he had come to care for and call family.

 _"Oh, oh, oh... ooohhhh!" Taylor_ wiped his eyes on the back of his arm, forcing a small smile as he turned in a slow circle in the opposite way to his friends. “ _To be human…_ ” he whispered, swallowing thickly to try and push back the suffocating tide of emotions which he felt. “ _To be human…”_ he repeated, sniffing and spreading his arms as he spun quicker, looking at his friends faces as they passed him by. “ _ **To be human**!” _ He finally cried, his friends all coming to a stop around him as he firmly planted his feet on the ground.

He looked around them all fondly, exchanging a fist bump with both Craig and Zahra, who were unusually quiet as they went along with the kind of behaviour they regularly laughed at Taylor for. “ _Just 'cause I predicted this,”_ Taylor said to them, shaking his head slowly as he moved his gaze to Raj, whose usual jovial nature was nowhere to be seen. “ _Doesn't make it any easier to live with.”_ Taylor said, swallowing thickly as he turned his eyes to Michelle and Sean; exchanging a brief hug with the blonde, before shaking hands with the sports star himself. “ _And what's the point of knowin' it?”_ He asked, shaking hands with Kele before holding Estela’s hand briefly. “ _If you can't change it? You can't change, can't change it…"_ he whispered as Grace dove forward to embrace him tightly, kissing his cheek before turning away to bury her face in Aleister's chest. Taylor felt his heart ache at the show of pain, but Aleister forced a thin lipped smile and offered his hand; helping Taylor to lock the pain away for the time being.

Taylor sighed, looking around his friends longingly. " _Just 'cause I predicted this,"_ he said quietly, reaching to shake Varyyn's hand. The Vaanti king nodded, even going so far as to bow low in a show of respect for Taylor and his obvious sacrifice.

 _"Doesn't make it any easier to live with."_ Taylor said thickly, drawing Quinn into another tight hug, as the redheads tears soaked into the shoulder of his t-shirt. He released her slowly, kissing her cheek as she covered her mouth with her hand to hide a sob, before he guided her into Kele's arms.

 _"And what's the point of knowin' it..?"_ Taylor asked quietly, too scared to raise his voice for fear it might break, as he turned to Diego. For an intense pause, neither moved; and then as one they collided in a tight embrace of what could only be described as brotherhood.

"Taylor-" Diego whispered brokenly, unable to finish voicing his thoughts as Taylor hummed and hugged him tighter. They remained that way for several long seconds, before finally pulling apart, Varyyn offering a comforting arm for Diego to curl into, as Taylor forced a weak, watery smile for his friend.

 _"If you can't change it?"_ Taylor shuddered, turning towards Mike with a guilty expression. The former pilot merely nodded, drawing Taylor into a surprisingly gentle hug, before releasing him after only a brief pause. _"You can't change, can't change it…"_ Taylor mused distractedly, his eyes searching Mike's sad gaze as the man sighed, before stepping aside to allow Taylor to see past him.

Taylor felt his heart lurch painfully at the sight of a huddled figure against the far railing. With his shoulders slumped, his hands stuffed deep into his pockets; Jake looked smaller than he ever had before. Taylor swallowed thickly, taking a deep breath as he forced his suddenly leaden feet to move. 

The walk across the rooftop seemed to last an eternity, Jake's red rimmed, cerulean eyes locked onto him the entire way. Taylor finally came to a halt before him, his throat tight and his mouth dry as he tried to think of what he could possibly say to his husband to make any of what he had to do even remotely okay. Finally he licked his lips, closing his eyes as he knocked his forehead softly to Jake's. 

" _To be human is to love, even when it gets too much… I'm not ready to give up._ " He whispered, shivering as he heard Jake swallow heavily; nodding as he sucked in a deep, shuddering breath. Jake shifted slightly, a hand rising from his pocket to lace his fingers together with Taylor's. He didn't speak, seeming too deep in his pain and loss, to vocalise his thoughts or feelings. Either that or he knew that speaking was beyond him; that if he opened his mouth now, he wouldn't be able to stop the pleas which they both knew Taylor would have to ignore.

 _"To be human is to **love…** _" Taylor repeated, opening his stinging eyes as the tears he'd tried so hard to repress, finally broke free and rolled over his cheeks freely.

 _"Even when it gets too **much..!** _" He tried to make himself sound firm, believable; but even to his own ears, there was an undeniable longing, a desire to stay even though it was beyond impossible at this point. He felt Jake's brow shift against his own, a small roll of denial as his expression crumpled with grief.

 _"There's no reason to give uuup-!"_ Taylor ordered, his voice breaking at his husband's pain, but before he could try to console him further, Jake's free hand clapped firmly to the back of his neck; holding him still as his lips collided with Taylor's.

Taylor mewled at the fierce, passionate kiss of his husband, throwing his arms around him and curling his fingers into his jacket like claws; desperately holding him as close as he possibly could. His lips moved urgently, his hunger for the other man insatiable as it never had been before. He needed Jake like he needed air; more so, because he knew it was his last chance to express the bottomless well of love which he felt for the other man. He felt the pressure begin to build in his chest once again, his heart aching as he tried to lose himself in his husband's kiss for the last time. But Jake seemed to sense the the impending just as Taylor did, his urgent kiss softening, turning almost desolate as his hopes to keep Taylor with him visibly deflated.

 _"Don't give up…"_ Taylor whispered against his lips, his voice trembling as his fingers trailed softly over Jake's stubble dusted cheeks.

Jake nodded reluctantly, sniffing as he swallowed heavily and reluctantly allowed Taylor to step out of his arms.

Taylor turned with a heavy heart, striding past his friends to the pillar of crystal which Rourke had stolen to create his personal depiction of a pure, worthy world. He glanced back at his friends, his eyes meeting Jake's as he raised a hand toward the crystal.

Taylor didn't even try to dry his tears as he forced a smile, burying his broken heart in the endless memories he would remember forever. " _... don't give up!"_ He whispered, closing his eyes as he pressed his hand to the crystal, and felt himself fill with a brilliant, powerful glow.

At the last second, Jake's silence and paralysis broke; his feet rushing to carry him to his husband. "Taylor!" He cried brokenly, wincing and throwing his arm over his eyes as his husband was swarmed with bright white light. 

Jake's heart crumbled to ash, knowing before he could even begin slowly lowering his arm to look; that he had been too late.

Taylor was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song; To Be Human - Sia
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T84LqClui9A


	2. My Affair

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I loved writing this chapter; it was an amazing whirlwind. It wasn't supposed to be half so long as it turned out, but I am pleased with it... mostly
> 
> Thankyou all for taking the time to read this. please let me know what you think of it..?
> 
> x My love to you all x

**My Affair**

Diego shuffled tiredly through the hall of his ramshackle apartment building, precariously balancing a bag of shopping in one arm, while fishing awkwardly in his pocket for his keys. "Stupid… chai- oh, _no!_ " He groaned as his shopping slipped from his hold, spilling across the hall. "Hey, no! Come _back_ here!" He complained, as one of his apples rolled away, seemingly with no intention of stopping any time soon.

He stared after it forlornly for a moment, before sighing and looking down at his feet, surrounded by vegetables, an upside down steak and a leaking bottle of milk. He sighed again and looked up at the ceiling, dropping is arms to his side with a dramatic clap as he counted to ten, before reaching up to scrub his face tiredly. "Urgh, _man..._ I hate my life." He grumbled, scratching his neck idly and staring dispassionately at his soiled food.

"I dunno, think there's folk worse off an' all, ya know?" A familiar voice made him start, blinking as he looked up in surprise. "Ain't ya ever heard how there ain't no use, cryin' over spilt milk?" 

Diego watched as a familiar figure stalked closer, his runaway apple crunching as they bit into it with a wide grin. "Mike?" He said uncertainly, shaking his head faintly as he cleared his throat and tried to push through his shock. "Uh, I mean… Mike!" He tried again, forcing a smile which he suspected was more guilty than cheerful like he'd intended. "Um… wh-wh-whaaat are you uh, what are you doing here?" He asked, coughing awkwardly and fidgeting, unsure what to do with his hands as he first reached for his hair, then his hip; before finally folding his arms over his chest.

"Ya mean, what am I doin' in this shit pit apartment complex that ya ain't told any of ya friends 'bout?" Mike retorted blithely, his teeth flashing briefly as he bit another chunk of apple free and chewed noisily. 

"Um, y-yeah, that…" Diego mumbled guiltily, looking down at the floor and barely peeking up at Mike through his lashes. "And uh, d-did you… did you happen to tell them-?"

"Naw, I ain't told 'em shit." Mike laughed easily, waving a dismissive hand toward Diego as he leaned his shoulder against the wall. "Ain't my business tellin' folk nothin' ya ain't ready to tell 'em yaself." He added, looking around the hall curiously.

Diego frowned. "How did you find me here, anyway?" He asked, freeing his hands to pluck at his trousers gingerly, avoiding the older man's eyes.

"Pfft, please, ya _do_ remember who I am, dont'cha Spunky?" Mike snorted, rolling his eyes as he looked down at the apple in his hands. "Ain't nothin' I can't find out, an' no cute 'lil dork I can't track down when they go into hidin' neither." 

"I'm not in _hiding!"_ Diego yelped in protest, slightly too loud to be convincing. He cleared his throat, studiously keeping his eyes on the floor as he crouched to begin gathering his shopping back into his bag. “I’m just… I’ve been busy.”

“Uh huh,” Mike drawled, his tone mocking as Diego felt the back of his neck warm with embarrassment. “Busy _hidin’_ from ya friends, ‘cause ya ‘lil island marriage didn’t hold up so well in the real world.”

Diego froze, staring at the ruined steak beneath his outstretched hand emptily. He swallowed heavily, recalling the vicious words which he and his _husband_ had exchanged when they’d last seen each other. His heart ached, like it was being squashed by a vice. “H-how..?”

“Told ya, ain’t nothin’ I can’t find out. Was me job to find out shit more dangerous an’ well guarded than _you_ tryin’ to ditch ya friends an’ hide out in this ‘lil craphole.” Mike said, shrugging his free shoulder as he took another loud bite of Diego’s escapee apple.

Silence reigned for several long, tense seconds; as Diego moved to collect his spilled bag of shopping with rough, robotic movements. Finally, Mike sighed; and Diego tensed at the sound of his soft footsteps approaching. “Listen, Kid… ya didn’t do nothin’ wrong.” Mike said softly, his voice warmer, kinder than previously. “Ya ain’t to blame for King Blue wantin’ to go back to the trees an’ the free land… ‘s what he knows, what he loves. He tried, right?” He asked gently, his warm hand settling on Diego’s shoulder, as he closed his eyes and bit his lip; refusing to let any of the jumbled words in his throat escape him. “He tried, for _you._ Can’t ask a fella no more’n that…”

Diego sucked in a deep breath, his eyes opening slowly as he considered the truth of Mike’s words. He _couldn’t_ ask any more than that Varyyn try; especially when his world was so vastly different from the Vaanti’s own world. Could he really keep blaming himself, for something neither one of them had anticipated? Well… yes, probably; but _should_ he?

“Hey, Spunky…” Mike murmured, his hand drifting from Diego’s shoulder to his chin, his fingers gentle as he raised Diego’s face so he was forced to meet the former pilot’s eyes. “I’m sorry, alright? I didn’t come here to throw ya past in ya face, or to smear ya.” He said, searching Diego’s honey brown eyes intently.

Diego was struck again by the older man’s strength. He’d been blown up, burned alive, brainwashed _and_ controlled for years, was only able to walk with the help of special prosthetics _and_ he’d lost an eye. Yet not once, had Diego heard him complain about his life now, not even had he heard him complain of pain. He looked up at the man’s mismatched eyes; heterochromia, though not by choice. He couldn’t help but wonder what Mike might have looked like, with both eyes warm chocolate brown and no burn scars licking up his neck from beneath his shirt.

“Now, I know 's distractin' that I’m such a handsome bastard, Kid… but ain’t ya gonna accept an old man’s apology here?” Mike chuckled, his thumb sweeping lightly over the rough stubble which dusted Diego’s jaw. "Ya ain't gonna make me get all the way down on me knees here, are ya? Man of _my_ age, with joints crackin' an' creakin'..."

Diego blinked, his face warming beneath Mike's gentle touch. He glanced down at Mike's legs, the prosthetics hunched naturally beneath him as he peered at Diego intently. "Uh," Diego shook his head, clearing his throat as he dropped his eyes and quickly gathered his things. "Sorry, um, just let me get this…" he murmured, grabbing his steak and his various scattered items quickly. He was just reaching for his leaking milk, when Mike deftly gathered the bottle in his hands, rising to his feet and tipping his chin toward Diego's apartment door.

"C'mon, Spunky…" Mike drawled with a lopsided grin, which Diego felt was far more charming and attractive than he felt it really had any right to be. "Invite an old man in for a drink?"

Diego felt himself blush, mumbling something which could vaguely pass for an invitation as he rose to his feet quickly, his arms laden with his reclaimed shopping. He paused, realising he would have to fish his keys from his pocket again, when he heard his front door click open. "H-hey!" He blurted, staring blankly as Mike stalked into his apartment without waiting. "Hey, wait! How'd you-?" He began, shaking his head as he watched the other man walking around his apartment with natural ease.

"This place is a piece of shit." Mike said frankly, eyeing the peeling wallpaper in the living room and the water-stained wall at the back of the sink in the adjoined kitchen. "The hell're ya botherin' with this shitty ass hole for?"

Diego sighed and rolled his eyes as he walked into his apartment, kicking the door closed behind him. "It's a roof over my head." He said quietly, pointedly ignoring Mike's sceptically raised brow as he moved into his kitchen area to try and see if any of his shopping was salvageable.

"Uh huh," the former soldier drawled when it became clear Diego wasn't going to illuminate him any further. "An', the apartment the city gave ya near ya friends was... what? Too good for ya?"

Diego remained silent as he put away the vegetables which had survived the spill, leaving his ruined steak on the side. "It… wasn't right for me." He finally muttered, opening his fridge and pulling out a cheap bottle of beer for Mike. 

"An' this place is?" Mike snorted, raising a brow as Diego gripped the bottle tightly, refusing to meet the older man's eyes as he sucked in a deep breath and held it. "Kid, this is bullshit an' ya know it… ya don't wanna live near ya friends, fine." He scoffed, nudging the offered beer aside and touching Diego's wrist gently instead. "Come stay at my place. 'S quiet, ain't near ya 'lil friends… an' ya ain't gonna have to sit 'round in either the place ya marriage failed; or this goddamn shit hole."

Diego blinked, looking up at Mike in surprise; taken aback by the unexpected offer. "But… but, don't you-?" He babbled, shaking his head as he gently extricated himself from Mike's touch and turning away to hide his face, worried his expression would reveal his emotions.

"I ain't got no one gonna visit, 'cept maybe Grandpa…" Mike said quietly, spreading his palms. He frowned suddenly, lowering his eyes to his own hands. "But bein' honest, it'd be a help to have ya 'round to help dealin' with his bullshit." He added quietly, lifting his eyes back to Diego and waiting for him to consider the offer.

Mike's patience however, was not infinite; and when Diego made no sign he was about to answer, Mike sighed and ran a hand through his hair in exasperation. "Alright, look Spunky; lemme buy ya somethin' for dinner while ya think it over, yeah?" He offered, gesturing to Diego’s ruined steak. “Ain’t gotta be nothin’ fancy, if ya don’t want… there’s a bar near here, we can just grab a beer an’ a burger.”

Diego’s brow furrowed as he glanced over at the older man suspiciously. “How do you know there’s a bar near here?” He asked slowly, as Mike broke out in a shameless grin.

“I know everythin’.” He said smugly, spreading his arms wide as he winked at Diego, who snorted and rolled his eyes.

Diego glanced back at his steak, biting his lip as he considered the offer of a meal, firmly ignoring all thoughts of Mike’s _other_ offer for the time being. “I guess…” he sighed, running a hand through his hair distractedly and grimacing at the faintly sticky texture. “I guess a beer and a burger couldn’t hurt.” He finally agreed, offering Mike a small, shy smile.

“That it couldn’t.” Mike nodded, his grin easy as he leaned his hip against the kitchen counter. “Ya ready to go then? Or ya wanna wait awhile..?”

Diego hesitated, glancing down at his clothes, stained with mud from the gardening work he’d been doing to try and make enough to pay his rent. “Uh,” he coughed, cocking his thumb over his shoulder. “Just uh, lemme take a shower real quick.” He said awkwardly, mentally going through his wardrobe to try and remember if he had anything half decent that was still clean and not stinking of the mould in his apartment. “Um, make yourself at home?” He offered distractedly, not noticing Mike’s quiet chuckle of amusement as he hurried away to take the shortest shower of his life and dig through his wardrobe.

"C'mon, c'mon… there has to be _something…"_ he muttered under his breath, shivering in the cold of his bedroom as his damp hair dripped down his neck. He rummaged through his clothes, sniffing some and scowling at the lingering stench of mould, before finally finding a plain black t-shirt which didn’t stink to high heaven and back. It was slightly tighter than he really liked, hence why he rarely wore it; but desperate times called for desperate measures. He pulled it over his head quickly and snatched a pair of jeans from the drawers after going through the same method of sniffing and dismissing, setting on a khaki pair of combat trousers which he’d picked up cheap at a charity shop a few days before.

He dragged a comb through his hair quickly, using a small amount of his dwindling deodorant for good measure, checking his reflection briefly in the mirror, before returning quickly to his living room; just in time to catch Mike shamelessly perusing his DVD collection. “Damn, ya got some good’uns…” the former soldier huffed as he heard him approach, flicking his wrist to reveal the cover of _Tombstone_. “I ain’t seen this in years. Damn good cast in there, an’...” he trailed off as he turned towards Diego, who felt his cheeks warm beneath the other man’s scrutiny. 

“Sorry…” he said gruffly. “I-it was all I had that wasn’t… dirty from work.” He said, averting his eyes and coughing briefly as he tried to calm his rising heart rate. He peeked back at Mike and felt his whole face flush. It had been a long time since anyone had looked at him that way, or at least, it seemed like it had. “I-I can go change if it’s not-”

“Don’t even think it, Spunky.” Mike scoffed, shaking his head. “Wouldn’t hear of it… I’m jus’ wonderin’ if I still wanna risk takin’ ya out when ya lookin’ that good. Havin’ other guys hit on ya all night is gonna piss me off pretty quick.” He mused, rising to his feet and tossing Tombstone lightly back onto Diego’s stack of DVD's.

Diego snorted and rolled his eyes, relaxing at Mike’s ridiculous teasing. “Har, _har._ ” He snickered, shaking his head as he tried to ignore the faint flutter of butterflies in his stomach. How long had it been since he’d had anyone say something so nice to him, even if it was just a stupid ruse to cheer him up? “So, uh… are we going then?” He coughed, biting his lip as he tucked his wallet into his back pocket.

Mike raised a brow at his change of subject, his lips twitching with amusement even as his eyes narrowed at Diego’s back when he turned away to open the front door. “Ready an’ willin’, whenever ya ready, Boss.” He said, smirking and saluting sarcastically when Diego threw him a withering look over his shoulder.

The walk to the bar was surprisingly easy going, Diego was pleased to note. Mike made bantering easy, never straying into topics which made Diego uncomfortable, like the upside down pancake which his life seemed to be right now; and even lapsing into a silence which was comforting and warm when he sensed Diego had said all he wanted to for a time. The whole experience was so foreign to what Diego was used to now, he wasn't sure how to react to their easy camaraderie. 

"C'mon then, Spunky…" Mike said at last, holding open the door to a small, nondescript bar. "Let's get ya fed an' watered proper for once, huh?" He suggested, smiling as Diego blushed, not sure he should have taken the innocent comment quite so _non_ innocently as he had.

"Thanks." He murmured shyly, slipping past Mike and into the bar ahead of him, pausing to wait awkwardly within.

Mike chuckled and gestured for him to walk ahead, his free hand settling at the small of Diego's back and steering him in the right direction.

Diego pretended not to notice how large, warm and comforting Mike's hand was.

"Howdy, Gov'ner." Mike greeted the barman, who nodded in reply. Diego pouted, realising this was definitely _not_ the first time Mike had been here. "Table for two, an' make it quiet like, yeah? Don't want no one eyein' up my dessert, ya know?"

The barman's eyes flicked briefly to Diego, who flashed a confused frown at Mike. "There's a booth free up the back." The barman finally said, gesturing with his thumb toward the back of the bar. "I'll have someone bring you both menus, soon as they're able."

Mike winked at Diego, smirking at something Diego could tell he had missed. "Aye, that's grand, fella. I'll get a pint of whatever's on tap and a…" he paused, raising a brow at Diego.

"Oh," Diego felt himself blush, clearing his throat. "Uh… I-I'll just have-"

"Ain't gotta be havin' what I am, Spunky." Mike said quietly, nudging Diego's shoulder lightly. "Get what ya want. Ain't no shame in knowin' ya own tastes."

 _Do I even know my own tastes though_? Diego couldn't help but wonder. Since his marriage had collapsed and he'd run away from everyone and everything, not that he readily admitted it, even to himself; Diego had reverted to a former self, a _self-doubting_ self who tried to stay in others shadows. But with Mike, it was very hard not to see the better him that he knew he could be. "I…" he began slowly, glancing at Mike and then looking back at the barman with a faint warmth in his cheeks. "I'll have a vodka pineapple, please."

"There ya go," Mike chuckled, his warm hand guiding Diego again, steering him now towards their booth. "Put it all on my tab, yeah?" He said to the barman, who nodded as he went about preparing their drinks. 

Diego felt himself blush as he slid into the nearest side of the vacant booth, peeking over at Mike from beneath his lashes. "Ya look like ya just shit on someone's face, Spunky." Mike huffed, startling a surprised laugh from Diego. "Chill out, ya ain't gotta be on guard or worryin' 'bout shit, 'kay?"

Diego swallowed thickly and nodded, leaning aside when his drink was set before him with a vague mumbling of thanks. "I… I guess I'm just not used to being around people much anymore…" he said, biting his lip as he looked down at the table, his finger gently tracing down the side of his glass.

"Aye, well…" Mike sighed, slinging his arm over the back of the booth. "Month of hidin' will give any fella a case of the fidgets."

"I have not been _hiding!"_ Diego protested, though it was weak even to his own ears. "I've just been… wait a _month_?" His eyes widened as Mike nodded solemnly, staring at his own drink with an unusual seriousness.

"Aye. A month today," Mike sighed, his gaze distant and sad. Diego felt his heart constrict, unused to such a sombre mood from the usually jovial man. "Grandpa ain't doin' too good." He added quietly.

Diego swallowed heavily, trying to force away the night when his life had changed; and _not_ how he'd been expecting it to. "Is that... " he paused, taking a small sip of his drink for courage. "Is that why you came to find me? To help with Jake?" He finally asked, unable to meet the man's eyes. He wasn't sure he was really qualified to help with Jake's still viciously strong grief. He still hadn't processed his own; too busy... _hiding_.

"Nah," Mike said easily, shaking his head as he sucked in a deep breath and looked over at Diego with a small smile. "I came to find ya 'cause I figured ya had enough time to wallow. 'S what _he_ would've done, ain't it? If he were here..?"

Diego gasped and flinched, his eyes stinging as he pictured his best friend's face for a fraction of a second; just long enough for him to hope the vision was real, before reality kicked him in the gut. He closed his eyes and lifted his glass, draining his drink quickly and holding his breath as he tried to quell his tumultuous emotions.

"But even that ain't all," Mike went on, watching Diego struggle with himself intently. "I mean, we're the only folk who remember he even existed, who know what he did... so all of _this,_ " Diego reluctantly peeled his eyes open and looked over at Mike, catching his vague gesture at the bar and various people around them. "Would even be here."

Diego exhaled slowly, nodding in reluctant agreement. "Yeah…" he murmured, fiddling with his empty glass. "None of us, or anything… nothing would be here, if it weren't for…" he choked, his words catching in his suddenly too tight throat. "For Taylor." 

Mike nodded, his lips twitching fondly at the first mention of their friend's name, since he'd sacrificed himself for them a month ago.

Diego blinked, surprised at the warmth which spread through his chest at vocally acknowledging his missing best friend. "I…" he hesitated and swallowed thickly, drawing in a deep breath to steady his nerves. "I miss him." He admitted, feeling a wave of guilt as he always did when he allowed himself to think of his absent best friend.

"Aye," Mike sighed, nodding his head knowingly and reaching across the table to squeeze Diego's hand gently. "We all do… but we're all so damn busy mournin' him, we ain't once stopped to remember him as he was; fulla life, brave an' handsome."

"Handsome?" Diego blinked, snorting when Mike winked and wiggled his eyebrows. "I wouldn't let Jake hear you say that… he was always crazy jealous of Sean, thinking he had a thing for Taylor."

"Grandpa ain't ready to remember the good times," Mike said, removing his hand from Diego's with a final quick squeeze. Diego tried to tell himself that he absolutely did _not_ miss the warmth of the other man's large hand over his own. "I wouldn't bring the Kid up 'round him yet… I'm givin' him another month, at least."

"Why?" Diego asked, frowning as he leaned forward on his elbows. "Why did you come and bring up Taylor with me, instead of just talking to him?"

Mike hesitated, tapping his fingers on the edge of the table as a waitress deposited two menus on the table between them. "He feels it 'bout a hundred times more acute, compared to ya 'lil buddies… maybe not to _you_ , but then, ya were always closest to him." Mike finally replied after the waitress was out of ear shot. "I didn't think today oughtta pass without us doin' somethin', without rememberin' him a 'lil… so, I came to _you._ Second most important person in his life."

Diego felt his eyes sting, his vision blurring for a heartbeat, before he forced a small smile and nodded his head. "Yeah…" he said, his voice thick with emotion. "Yeah, that sounds… right." He agreed, returning Mike's lopsided grin with one of his own.

"Alright," Mike said a moment later, clearing his throat and picking up a menu. "Let's order some grub an' another round; an' ya can tell me ya favourite story 'bout him." He said, his eyes lowered to his menu, though Diego noticed his neither was actually moving.

Warmth blossomed in his heart, realisation striking him hard. "You never really got to know him properly, did you?" He asked without thinking, feeling his face glow at the quiet chuckle Mike released.

"I knew him well enough." He reasoned. "Made my best mate happier'n I ever thought possible, an' his pals were…" his eyes flicked up to Diego. "Well, they're pretty alright an' all." He concluded softly, as Diego lowered his eyes to his menu shyly.

He wasn't sure why his heart was racing, why his palms felt clammy or his throat felt tight. Was this how he used to feel around Varyyn? Before they'd left the island and things between them had degraded. Rapidly. 

Diego jumped when the waitress returned, ignoring Mike's snort as he handed his menu back to the girl and ordered a burger and fries, heavy on the onion, as well as another round of drinks. Diego quickly ordered the same for himself, his stomach rumbling at the thought of his upcoming meal.

"Well," Mike said as the waitress left with their order, grinning as he waved a hand toward Diego and leaned back against the booth wall. "C'mon then, Spunky. Let's hear it, huh?"

Diego blinked, running his hand through his hair as he gave a single nod and collected himself. "Well…" he began, hesitating to lick his lips, before smiling slowly. "There was this one time…"

Diego lost track of time as he and Mike talked. They drank and ate, the atmosphere around them turning warm as they laughed and gestured expressively with their hands, trading stories about the friend they'd shared. "... so he was just… _hanging there_ , by one foot I remind you," Diego laughed, his eyes bright as he waved his hands over his mostly empty plate. "And rather than admit he's been caught; he just breaks into song!" He exclaimed, as Mike laughed heartily. "God, I don't know _why_ the hell they didn't just kill him right off the bat, but I guess something about him, or his performance, must have made them decide he was worth keeping around… for amusement purposes if nothing else." He snorted, shaking his head fondly at the memory.

"Sounds like him… he had a habit of singin' at weird times." Mike conceded, smiling ruefully. "I bet Grandpa had a few choice words for him after a stunt like that."

"And then some." Diego laughed, grinning distantly as he dragged a stray fry through some ketchup. "God, Jake was practically foaming at the mouth… he was _fuming;_ and yet all it took was Taylor saying he loved him… and Jake just-" he spread his palms, not needing to conclude his sentence.

"Aye," Mike agreed. "Was a special kinda relationship they shared. Deep." He mused, glancing at Diego when he frowned and didn't reply. He hesitated, considering briefly, before he asked anyway. "Ya thinkin' ya relationship with Blues Clues weren't special?" 

Diego grimaced at the accuracy of Mike's statement, peeking up at him through his lashes. "I don't know. I _thought_ it was, on the island. But then…" he trailed off, frowning down at the table in confusion, wondering if it was the booze or the company which made the memories sting less than they normally did.

"Well, pair of ya didn't really give it long, did ya?" Mike asked, raising a brow when Diego grimaced again. "I mean, we were only off'a the island a week when ya walked out…"

"How do you _know_ all this?" Diego demanded, glaring up at Mike hotly, though the other man only grinned in reply. "Right, you know everything." He scoffed, rolling his eyes as he sighed. He toyed with his last fries un-enthusiastically, thinking about the week he and Varyyn had been together in _the real world_ . "So, does that mean you know _why_ I left as well?"

"Ya mean, besides all the fightin' the pair of ya did?" Mike asked flippantly. 

Diego rolled his eyes again. "Yes, besides _that."_ He said stiffly.

Mike watched him a moment longer, waiting until Diego was forced to look up at him curiously. "Ya knew it'd be hard for him to trade everythin' he knew for the city… he's older'n all of us put together; suddenly got himself a human husband, in a new land with no trees an' no wildlife… an' he can't go out without that dumbass trenchcoat an' someone to guide him." He said quietly, fingering his empty pint glass thoughtfully. "I ain't excusin' what he did. I ain't ever had time for folk what give to others what belongs to someone else."

Diego blushed furiously at Mike's tactful innuendo over his husband's infidelity, lowering his eyes to the table as he gripped it tight enough to turn his knuckles white. "You think I should have stayed?" He bit out, more harshly than he meant to.

"Naw," Mike said, shaking his head slowly. "But I think ya were too butt hurt 'bout it all, to think past how much ya were hurtin'." He added, holding up a finger when Diego scowled over at him and opened his mouth to retort. "He made ya promises… but ya made him promises too, Kid." Mike said quietly, as Diego blinked in surprise. "Ya weren't exactly 'round much to help him adjust, were ya?"

Diego flinched guiltily, looking away and swallowing heavily. Mike wasn't wrong. Diego had been forced to leave Varyyn on his own in the apartment often, only really able to take him out at night when his bare, blue feet and ankles were less noticeable. He pursed his lips, before shrugging his shoulder in dismissive acceptance of the statement. "It's not like I had a choice. I-I mean…"

"Ya had to try'n work. Had to re-assimilate after livin' in a totally different situation, place and hell; time. Ain't no way to tell how long ya were really gone ya know." Mike said easily, unaffected by Diego's temper or his guilty fidgeting. "Six months for unsuspectin' folk… but there ain't no way to tell how long it was for all'a ya. _You_ , especially. Ya the one lived there all that time."

Diego felt his throat tighten, his eyes watering at the memory of Taylor's guilt when he'd let himself be taken by the Vaanti. "It all feels like a lifetime ago." He finally sighed, scrubbing the back of his hand across his eyes. "Another life, even. Like it was someone else's life or something; and I was just... along for the ride."

"Heh, yeah… I know _that_ feelin'." Mike chuckled darkly, as Diego looked back at him. He was struck by guilt, recalling the years the other man had been under Lundgren's control.

"Was it… awful?" He asked tentatively, biting his lip as Mike drew in a slow, deep breath.

"Aye." He said thickly, licking his lips and cocking his head before looking away. He cleared his throat, forcing the darkness from his eyes before looking back at Diego with a slightly forced smile. "Maybe some day I'll tell ya 'bout it… when we ain't talkin' 'bout _you_." He offered, his gaze oddly uncertain for the usually confident man.

Diego felt his heart thud heavily against his ribs, his lips twitching into a shy grin without his permission. "Okay." He mumbled, running his hand through his hair and tucking it behind his ear as he bit his lip.

Mike smiled, tipping his chin toward Diego. "Growin' it out again, huh?" He asked, as Diego nodded quickly.

"I know the future showed I kept it short but... " he said, shaking his head. "But I like it more when it's long. I guess… a part of me wanted to feel closer to Taylor again too." He said, shrugging his shoulders lightly. A hesitant pause hung over them for a moment, Diego's thoughts turning back to his friend and the last time he'd seen him, a month ago. He sighed tiredly. "Sometimes... sometimes it feels like the whole world fell apart when he left; instead of getting put back together." He admitted quietly.

"Aye." Mike agreed. "'S why Grandpa still can't face it." He sighed, scratching the stubble dusting his cheek thoughtfully. He raised a brow, eyeing Diego curiously. "So, why ain't ya just gone an' asked ya family-"

 _"Pfft,"_ Diego scoffed, rolling his eyes. "Taylor was my only family." He said, shaking his head bitterly. "And even then, the things I remember about him aren't even real. He was never there to comfort me when I was in college or when we couldn't get dates for prom…" he sighed, ruffling his hair irritably as he felt his throat tighten, his pulse quickening as a ringing began to sound in his ears.

"Ya ain't got no other family?" Mike asked curiously, seeming surprised by the information.

"I thought you knew everything." Diego said waspishly, flashing Mike an irritated glance as he tapped his fingers against the table top in agitation.

Mike chuckled and spread his palms. "I thought the rest of ya 'lil La Huerta pals were ya family." He said dismissively, as Diego winced and looked away again. "Taylor called ya all his family, right?"

"It's different." Diego muttered, his leg jostling restlessly. " _Taylor_ was different. He brought us together… without him, I-" he paused, choking on the words as he shook his head quickly. "I'm nothing."

"That ain't true." Mike countered without pause. "He knew ya were more'n ya ever thought…" he said, leaning forward on his elbows. "Ya ain't answered me though. After ya fall out with Blues Clues, why come take up that shit pit? Why not go home, an' jus-"

"My parents hate me." Diego burst suddenly, closing his eyes and gritting his teeth in frustration. "And honestly, I'm not that thrilled with them either." He scoffed, trying to fight off the strange restlessness he felt. The ringing in his ears grew louder however, pressure building behind his eyes; making him rub at them roughly.

"Huh…" Mike clicked his tongue, cocking his head thoughtfully. "That so, eh?" He hummed, more amused than Diego felt he had any right to be at his expense. "Tell me 'bout it." He said, smirking when he practically _saw_ Diego's temper finally snap.

Diego felt his pulse racing as he scowled and grit his teeth, trying to ignore the rising tempo of his frustration, ringing in his ears. Before he could stop himself however, he was leaning across the table. " _When I was just a child, my folks would drive me wild."_ He hissed, scowling at Mike as the older man blinked in surprise. " _They'd spy upon my every move, until it drove me to despair!_ " He complained, as Mike broke out in a slow grin, leaning closer to mimic Diego's posture. " _They told me what to wear… they told me when to cut my hair!"_ Diego ranted, blinking in surprise when he realised he had no control over the words spilling from his lips. " _But that's all over now! I had to tell them anyhow!"_

Diego leaned back against the booth, his hands scrabbling at the table in confusion and fear as his voice rose and drew attention from another nearby table. " _It's my affair!"_ Diego sighed, his foot tapping beneath the table as Mike watched him with keen interest. " _Where I go and what I do… it's my affair! Oh yeah,_ " he muttered petulantly.

" _It's my affair!"_ He repeated, glancing around the bar nervously. " _It's up to me and not to you! It's my affair…"_ he insisted, tucking his hands awkwardly beneath his armpits and trying to control his wayward tongue.

 _"That's the way I want to keep it…_ " he grumbled petulantly, glancing at Mike and blushing at the intense expression he wore. " _I kissed a boy in secret."_ He said, blushing further when Mike's lip quirked with amusement. " _Thrilled me to the very core… I couldn't stop I wanted more and,"_ Diego closed his eyes, tensing as he sank into a memory he'd tried to force himself to forget. " _I didn't hear the door and… they caught me on the floor; with my affair!"_ He sang bitterly, his breath rushing from him as he peeled his eyes open and peeked up at Mike; thrashing back against the back of the booth when he saw his best friend grinning in the seat beside him.

He wanted to scream, to point and stare and do _something_ to make Mike look at Taylor; to know if the former soldier could see him too, or if this was just another hallucination. When he opened his mouth however, no scream escaped him, only a bittersweet sigh; and more words which he had no control over.

 _"And when we first got wed, we used to stay in bed…_ " he said, blushing furiously at Mike's chuckle of amusement. " _All day and night all night and day; we bedded half our lives away!"_ He continued, shuddering at the memory of his early love life with his husband.

 _"But that's all over now,"_ he sighed, his shoulders slumping as he looked back at his best friend wistfully, as Taylor frowned at him with obvious frustration. " _We move in different circles, chomping through the lower crust; I couldn't see him for the dust…"_ Diego winced at Taylor's sympathetic smile, his best friend comforting him even from… wherever he was now.

 _"And then he met that guy, who left him with his money spent; and now it's no concern of his, if I sleep with the President!"_ Diego said firmly, glancing away from Taylor as Mike sat back in his seat, a smirk on his lips which made something in Diego's stomach flip.

 _"It's my affair,"_ Diego said stubbornly, glancing at the seat beside Mike and panicking briefly when he saw it was empty, before remembering his best friend had been gone for a month now. " _And if I don't come home tonight, it's my affair… alright."_ He mumbled, glancing around to see Taylor leaning against the bar, waving at him and throwing him a sly wink.

 _"It's my affair,_ " Diego sang distractedly, slipping from the booth without a glance at Mike's confused expression and moving toward his friend uncertainly. " _Who I see is up to me; it's my affair!"_ He insisted, his voice rising as Taylor grinned and walked backward towards an abandoned microphone in the back of the bar. 

Diego balked when someone caught up his hand, drawing him into a loose embrace as three men started playing instruments in the corner. " _That's how I want to keep it,"_ Diego said slowly, relaxing as the stranger holding him grinned and spun him lightly around in a circle. " _I kiss the boys in secret…"_ he murmured, his eyes darting toward Taylor, who gave him a thumbs up and began to wiggle his hips with exaggerated dancing movements. " _Hiding in the parking lot, is just as far as I have got but… if the phone should ring and; there's no one there…"_ Diego blushed, looking up at the stranger who'd swept him into a dance uncertainly, before they twirled him and another stranger took heir place. " _Then it's my affair..!"_

Diego danced for an indefinable time, twirling between other strangers hands until they left him to his own devices in the middle of their makeshift dance floor. Diego found himself dancing with his best friend, who laughed silently at him, until he finally relaxed and let himself feel the rhythm which seemed to be in his veins already.

His eyes stung, his vision blurring as he watched Taylor throw himself energetically into the beat, despite nobody else being able to see him. In fact, Diego felt more like he was alone with his friend, as they had been during their stay on a magical island; what felt like _so_ long ago. He danced with his friend, letting go of his insecurities and allowing himself to feel the enjoyment of the moment; the _life_ humming through him, as he raised his arms over his head and pretended to bump his hip to Taylor's.

 _"Well it's all over now,_ " Diego sighed, wiggling his hips as Taylor laughed his silent, joyful laughter. " _He's seen the last of me; and I don't have to put up with him, giving me the third degree!"_ Diego cried, turning a slow circle and gyrating his hips provocatively, as he grinned at the wolf whistle Mike threw his way from their booth. " _So he's gone on his way; and won't come sneaking round the back door,"_ he sang, playfully covering his ass with his hands as Taylor silently cackled and applauded him. " _Trying to get himself_ _back in, where he's not wanted anymore!"_ He cheered, as several of the strangers he'd danced with clapped and laughed.

 _"It's my affair!"_ Diego cried, throwing his hands in the air and looking over at Taylor wistfully. " _Shoodoloowapbob! Shoodolowap!"_ He chanted, pretending to clap his hands to his best friends. " _It's my affair… oh yeah!"_

Diego grinned as Taylor waggled his eyebrows suggestively, swaying his hips and tangling his hand in his hair as he threw his head in wide arcs to the music.

 _"It's my affair! Who I see is up to me… it's my affair!"_ Diego cheered, yelping in surprise when he was swept back into a strangers arms, before laughing at himself.

 _"_ _That's how I want to keep it,"_ he sang playfully, dancing with the stranger only a short time before they twirled him into another strangers arms. " _I kiss the boys in secret!"_ He cheered, winking at one of his entourage before they passed him to someone else's waiting arms. " _Making eyes at perfect strangers… I know that it could be dangerous!"_ He sang, flashing a glance toward Mike at their booth, and feeling his cheeks warm at the intensity of the other man's eyes as they followed him across the room. _"So if the phone should ring and… there's no one there; then it's my affair!"_ He said firmly, wiggling his hips as he was released and turning to Taylor, who grinned and whooped silently as he danced enthusiastically with Diego.

 _"Who I see is up to me!"_ Diego cheered, turning and blinking in surprise, when he found Mike's hands snatching up his own. He smiled slowly, laughing when the former soldier winked, before leading him a quick stepped dance around the bar. " _It’s my affair!"_ He cried, grinning widely as he danced with Mike freely, letting the older man guide his feet until the music finally reached a crescendo and came to an end.

Applause broke out through the bar, Mike dropping Diego's hands to join in as Diego blushed and waved shyly to everyone who'd taken a turn to dance with him. "Uh, thanks…" he coughed, smiling as he turned around and searched for his best friend.

Taylor was stood by the booth he'd shared with Mike, his arms folded over his chest as he waited for Diego to make his way over. "Taylor-" Diego breathed, reaching for him. Taylor's smile turned sad, wistful as he mimicked Diego's gesture, his hand passing straight through Diego's. 

Diego sucked in a deep breath, his heart stung by the confirmation that his friend wasn't truly with him; but the pain was dulled by the memory of his dancing, no longer so vicious as he smiled and nodded sadly. "You're really gone… aren't you?" He asked quietly, sighing as if a weight had lifted from his shoulders, letting him breath for the first time over the past trying month.

Taylor smiled and shrugged his shoulders noncommittally, flicking his finger against Diego's chest with a wink. Diego covered his heart with his hand, huffing with amusement. "Yeah… you'll always be there buddy." He agreed, his eyes stinging as they watered. "I miss you." He said thickly, as Taylor nodded, his eyes glistening with un-shed tears like Diego's. He then grinned wickedly, tipping his chin at Mike as he approached, and silently wiggling his eyebrows in obvious suggestion.

"Oh god, _shut up_ …" Diego laughed, blushing furiously as Taylor grinned, his whole face lighting up with glee as it always had. Diego straightened his shirt, clearing his throat as he leaned closer to Taylor. "Do I look okay?" He asked, as Taylor shook with his silent laughter and nodded. "... thanks, Taylor." Diego said, exhaling a deep breath and turning to face Mike as he frowned at him worriedly.

"Ya doin' alright, Spunky?" He asked, his hand settling lightly in the middle of Diego's back, comforting and warm. "Ya look like ya seen a ghost… I know we said remember him an' all, but I didn't think ya'd do a singin' number like he would've." 

Diego chuckled, biting his lip as he nodded slowly. He glanced at the booth, now empty; as if Taylor had never been there. Diego wasn't sure if he ever had been, but his heart felt warmer than it had since he'd returned from La Huerta; and he felt a boldness he hadn't felt in what felt like a lifetime. "I'm okay." He said at length, swallowing thickly as he looked back at Mike with an easy smile. "I'm not sure you'll believe me… but, I'll tell you about it later," he promised, biting his lip uncertainly. "Maybe, while you help me pack my things?"

Mike blinked in surprise, a slow grin curling his lips. "Really? Ya'll come stay with me?" He asked, more excited by the idea than Diego had been expecting.

"Yeah… that place I found is a real shit hole." Diego huffed, laughing when Mike snorted and winked playfully. He paused, sighing as he ran a hand through his hair. "I guess, I should probably call the others too… I should uh, probably fill them all in as well." He said, biting his lip and blushing as Mike chuckled, his hand rising as he curled his arm around Diego's shoulders.

"Ain't a problem, Spunky." He assured, grinning lopsidedly as he steered Diego toward the door eagerly, having already paid their tab after Diego hastily escaped the dance floor. "We got time, an' we got cell phones… now," he said, holding the door open so they could squeeze through together. He leaned down to Diego with a smirk, which grew at Diego's telling blush. "Why don'tcha tell Papa Mike all 'bout it..?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song; My Affair by Kirtsy MaCcoll (give it a try for full effect, ne?)
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UyR-1RijX1k


	3. Creep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was hard in places, not so much in others - awkward? maybe lol
> 
> anyway, I hope it isn't as much of a mess as i believe it to be... I hope you can enjoy it even if it is 
> 
> x My love to you all x

**Creep**

Zahra wasn’t one to normally mind when pranks were played on others, especially if it involved emotional turmoil for the other party. However, she felt her patience running thin with the ongoing joke that Diego, former, kind of associate, _almost_ dork-ish friend, had been running; was wearing on her nerves.

“Craig, why the fuck are we even still talking about this?” She snarled one evening, flipping her maroon mohawk over her shoulder as she snatched her boyfriend’s beer from the bar of their favourite haunt; a grunge pub nestled in the backstreets near their apartment. “Humour at the expense of others is one thing, humour at the expense of _me?”_ She drawled, scowling as she took a long chug of Craig’s beer. “Not fucking cool.”

Craig rolled his eyes at his girlfriend’s lingering bad mood. “C’mon, Z…” he said, nudging her with his elbow gently. “You know Diego was closer to Taylor than any of us, if anyone was gonna crack and start hallucinating and going into meltdown; it was gonna be him. Can’t really blame him after the whole thing with V going down how it did...”

Zahra snorted. “Can’t believe that little dork just walked away.” She said, shaking her head. “Actually, I can; and I approve.” She amended, pointing Craig’s beer toward him threateningly. “I will do the same damn thing if I ever catch you even _looking_ at someone else…” she warned.

“Chill, Z… ain’t no girl for me than you.” Craig assured, laughing at Zahra’s uncharacteristic blush, before she scowled and looked away, chugging more of her stolen beer. “I just think, maybe we oughta keep our minds open about him not necessarily having completely lost it…”

Zahra sighed and turned to scowl at the back of the bar, frustration nipping at her short temper and resounding in a dull thud deep in her skull. “Craig, I know you have the mentality of a five year old and you want to forgive him, because he’s your ‘wittle fwiend,’” she sneered, her lip curling in distaste as she looked back at Craig with a fierce pang in her heart. “But Taylor was _everyone's_ friend, not just Diego’s. He needs to stop being a whiny little _bitch_ and deal with the fact that Taylor is _gone_ ; and there’s nothing any of us can do about it. So why bother wasting energy even thinking about it?”

Craig remained quiet for a pause, during which Zahra pointedly kept her eyes on her appropriated bottle of beer. “You forget I know you better than the other guys.” He finally sighed, his eyes sad as he faced her with a half-hearted smile. “I know you’re frontin’, Z… I know you feel it, in here.” He said, bumping his fist to his chest. “I know you think about it when you’re laying awake at night, wondering if there was something you could have done to stop him.” He said.

Zahra frowned, looking up at him with a raised brow. “When the fuck did _you_ start sounding like Freud, doofus?” She demanded, shaking her head at her boyfriend as he laughed quietly. 

“Z, I don’t know what that old music geezer has to do with this,” he said, smiling at her lopsidedly as she snorted and rolled her eyes. “But, I think you should consider that maybe the little dweeb isn’t lying, or pranking us… maybe, he just broke down for a bit, yo?”

Zahra sighed, trying to consider the matter logically; and _logically_ she knew it was most likely the little loser _had_ broken down for a time, but even though she knew that… the whole thing still pissed her off more than she was ready to admit. 

It wasn’t even just that he was making out like Taylor had really _been_ there, it was how he genuinely, stubbornly insisted that their friend _had_ been there; that some part of him had stayed with Diego. Why the hell should Diego be the only one Taylor stuck around for? Why did he get special treatment? Sure Zahra hadn’t been the friendliest when they first got to the island, but that wasn’t anything personal, Taylor knew that. But the little shit had also wheedled his way past all her barriers, even coercing her to let the others in. So why the hell wouldn’t he stick around for her, after making her _open up_ and all that… mushy bullshit. Zahra wasn't about to forgive the redhead for skipping out on her any time soon.

“Jesus, Craig, I swear you and Diego are both determined to piss me off.” She finally replied, as she shook her head, pinching the bridge of her nose irritably. She hunched on her bar stool, massaging her brow as the pressure in her head tightened. “Why can’t you just let this go? Why the hell can’t we go out for one damn night; and _not_ have you fucking bring it up again? It’s been nearly a month for Christ’s sake.”

“Alright, alright, chill babe.” Craig placated as best he could, spreading his palms in surrender. "My bad, 'kay? I'll… I'll try not to think 'bout it anymore." He said with a sigh.

Zahra grit her teeth, refusing to apologise for making the former jock feel bad. It was hardly her fault he kept bringing the topic up, why should she feel bad for giving her opinion? Zahra Namazi, didn't do remorse. Craig would get over it. Eventually.

"So," Craig said with forced levity, his eyes still sad as he looked back at her curiously. "Have you tried contacting anyone about forming a, ya know…" he asked, gesturing toward the open mike on the corner stage where a band would soon kick up some noise.

Zahra's temper flared again, the ache in her temples throbbing as her frustration peaked. "For fuck's sake Craig, don't tell me you're still thinking any of that bullshit was real?" She scoffed viciously, flicking her mohawk out of her eyes to scowl at her boyfriend.

"Aw, c'mon, Z… you know what Vaanu showed us!" Craig protested, running a large hand over his short hair. "Our futures are right there! We just have to-"

"Vaanu, Schmanu." Zahra hissed, chugging the last of Craig's beer and tossing him the empty bottle with a scowl. " _Taylor_ did some of his dumb, mumbo jumbo shit; and showed us all just what we needed to see to get our asses moving." She sneered, punching the edge of the bar with her fist as her frustration fizzled in her veins, making her restless and antsy. " _Taylor_ only did that, so he could fucking _bail_ _on us_ , without feeling guilty." She hissed, lowering her eyes from Craig's sad, kicked puppy face.

"Z-"

"Just shut the fuck up, Craig!" Zahra finally exploded. "I get it, okay?! Diego is the super special, bestest buddy; _he_ gets to have Taylor stick around and haunt his ass!" She raged, shoving away from the bar. She made to push past Craig and stalk from the pub, but Craig grabbed her wrist, forcing her to turn back.

"Z, you know that ain't-"

"No?" Zahra sneered, scrubbing her eyes with the back of her free hand, despising the _emotion_ which raked it's claws through her heart. "You wanna know what I know, Craig? I know that I wasn't damn well good enough! I wasn't close enough for Taylor to stick around, he jumped at the first chance to get away from me and _Diego_ gets to still have him around!" She spat viciously, scowling when Craig's expression crumbled with fresh grief.

"Z…"

"Shut up, Craig." Zahra scoffed, shaking her head in frustration. "Just _shut up_."

"Naw, Z, c'mon." Craig insisted. "Taylor never felt that way, you know he didn't… he just, he wanted us to have our lives back. That was more important than gettin' one of his own, yeah? Bro was the best friend we ever had, you can't hate on him for that." He said, shaking his head slowly. "Taylor never hated you, Z… he loved us all, yeah?"

Zahra sighed and shook her head, wondering if she could explain it so her boyfriend would actually understand; she hadn't deserved Taylor's friendship. She didn't deserve this second chance he'd given her, given them all. Despondent, she averted her eyes to the floor, scowling at her inability to deal with _emotions_.

She thought of Taylor, of his love for life, his limitless energy; his never ending devotion to his friends, to all of them as he came to call them family. She'd never really said goodbye, none of them had; with his stupid song going on, they'd been swept up in the moment, caught in Taylor's magnetic pull.

Zahra knew that part of why she was so pissed at the redhead, was because she wished she could have told him not to go. That she wasn't worth the price he paid, that they all paid. She squeezed her eyes shut, swallowing heavily as her too tight throat throbbed painfully.

 _"When you were here before, couldn't look you in the eye…"_ she intoned dully, sniffing as she grit her teeth and tried to stem the flow of words which spilled from her lips. " _You're just like an angel. Your skin makes me cry."_ She said lowly, as Craig frowned and tried to draw her into his arms. Zahra shook her head, yanking herself free of him and turning her scowl toward him, only to blink and take a step back in surprise.

 _“You float like a feather…”_ she said unthinkingly, unable to stop the words escaping her, as she stared in disbelief at the redhead sat in her vacated seat, his chin propped in his palm as he waved his free hand at her with a crooked grin. “ _In a beautiful world.”_ Zahra breathed, blinking and shaking her head in denial, as her throat ached with the force of her regret and longing. “ _I wish I was special…”_ she said unwillingly, her lip trembling as she took a tentative step toward the redhead. “ _You're so fuckin' special.”_ She said, pausing and shaking her head, turning away and wrapping her arms around her shoulders.

 _“But I'm a creep!”_ She yelled, her fingernails digging into her jacket as she squeezed her eyes shut. “ _I'm a weirdo!”_ She hissed, shaking from the force of everything she desperately wished she wasn’t feeling. “ _What the hell am I doing here?”_ She demanded, peeling her eyes open to find Taylor stood before her, his eyes sad as he looked at her longingly. “ _I don't belong here.”_ She whispered, sniffling and scrubbing her arm over her eyes roughly, as Taylor shook his head vehemently.

Zahra drew in a deep breath, unwittingly following Taylor as he extended a hand toward her and backed away toward the stage. She swallowed heavily, knowing what he wanted but wishing she were able to resist the redhead’s familiar magnetic pull. “ _I don't care if it hurts,”_ she whispered, reluctantly clumping after Taylor. “ _I wanna have control.”_ She said, scowling at Taylor when he had the audacity to smile and stick his tongue out at her.

 _“I want a perfect body,”_ she drawled, feeling her cheeks warm as she stepped up to the microphone. She knew that her body was already goddamn perfect, she didn’t need anyone else’s dumb approval of that fact. She wondered briefly why he was making her spit out such bullshit. “ _I want a perfect soul.”_ She sang lowly, peeking at Craig at the bar, who was watching her with confusion, but quietly cheering her on nonetheless.

 _“I want you to notice... when I’m not around.”_ Zahra continued, looking back at Taylor when he circled around her and stood front and centre, gazing up at her with such a sympathetic and understanding smile that she wished she could kick him in the face. “ _You're so fuckin' special.”_ She growled, wrinkling her nose in frustration when her heart ached with a vicious pang of longing. “ _I wish I was special…”_

Zahra scowled at Taylor, despising the sting in her eyes and the pain in her heart which she had thought she had numbed beneath her resentment. She wanted to hate him, for leaving, for making her care; but the truth was even worse. The truth was that she hated herself for missing him. “ _But I'm a creep!”_ Zahra snarled, barely flinching when the drums behind her suddenly blared with sickening thuds that made her heart lurch giddily. “ _I'm a weirdo!_ ” She cried, as a guitar growled to life. “ _What the hell am I doing here?”_ She demanded, shaking her head as Taylor lifted his hand into the air and slowly weaved his body from side to side. “ _I don't belong here, oh, oh…”_

Zahra closed her eyes, hating the stray tears which fell from her eyes as she tried desperately to push away the hopes of her future. She didn’t want them without her friends, her _family_ to share them with. “ _He's... running out the door!”_ She cried, opening her eyes to stare at Taylor guiltily. “ _He's running out..!”_ Her breath hitched, her heart racing as Taylor smiled up at her and slowly moved around the empty floor before her; a lone dancer for her unwilling performance. _“He run, run, run, run…”_ she chanted, curling her hand around the microphone and all out screaming as her frustration and pain reached a crescendo. “ _Run!”_

Zahra panted as she tried to catch her breath, blinking at the tumultuous feelings running rampage through her, confusing her as they churned up everything she’d felt over the past two months. She looked down at Taylor, who stared back with a peaceful, gentle smile; and she felt the pain in her heart slowly melt into a soft, warm glow. “ _Whatever makes you happy…_ ” she whispered, sniffing as she scrubbed the back of her hand over her eyes. “ _Whatever you want.”_ She said, swallowing thickly as she forced herself to nod slowly. 

She didn’t have to like Taylor’s decision, didn’t have to agree with it; but he’d made it out of love… and she couldn’t be mad at him for loving her, or the rest of their makeshift family; just as she had come to love him. “ _You're so fuckin' special…”_ she said, her voice trembling beneath the strain of her epiphany. “ _I wish I was special.”_ She barely breathed, closing her eyes again as she finally gave in to whatever spell held her captive.

 _“But I'm a creep!_ ” She bellowed dramatically, throwing out her free arm as she tried to hold on to her anger, her pain and her resentment. “ _I'm a weirdo!”_ She cried, shaking her head bitterly as her tangled web of feelings began to unravel, the restlessness in her heart settling into an unfamiliar warmth. “ _What the hell am I doing here?”_ She wondered aloud, sensing more to the words she had no control over than she’d previously realised. What the hell _was_ she doing? Sitting around hating and pining, resenting someone because they showed her a depth of love and caring that she should have felt honoured to be worthy of?

“ _I don't belong here…”_ she whispered slowly, as Taylor smiled knowingly and winked at her. Zahra felt her knees tremble, not ready to let go of the resentment she’d fostered and fueled for so long, but unable to stoke the flames of her temper; after having come to the realisation that Taylor had made his choice as much for her as for all of their tight knit group.

 _“I don't belong here.”_ She repeated, her voice wavering as she felt the last note leave her. She blinked, finally free of the compulsion to sing; and stepped back from the microphone quickly, staring at Taylor’s familiar grin uncertainly. 

“Yo, that was the best, rawest cover I’ve heard of that in a while,” the drummer called, startling Zahra from her daze as she turned towards her without thinking. “Who are you signed with?” She asked curiously, as Zahra blinked and shook her head.

“Signed?” She repeatedly, snorting as she regained some of her equilibrium. “I’m not signed, I’m not… I was just… I mean, I-” she paused, trying to clear away the lingering uncertainty and unfamiliar nerves.

"You're shittin' me?" The drummer scoffed, shaking her head in disbelief when Zahra met her gaze with a scowl and flipped her the bird for good measure. Zahra caught movement in the corner of her eye, turning fractionally to see Taylor laughing silently at her behaviour. She felt the strange warmth in her heart again; and was about to leave the stage when the drummer called to her again. "Hey, if you ever wanna jam sometime, we're here every night this week. We were gonna be auditioning for a vocalist, but if you want the gig then the spot's yours."

Zahra frowned, taken aback by the sudden offer, but not wanting to appear like she'd been thrown off balance. "I'll see how I feel." She said, taking the small card the guitarist offered her, before turning and hopping quickly from the stage.

She scowled at Taylor, his shoulders still shaking silently. "Shut the fuck up, just because I can't hear you; doesn't mean I don't know you're still laughing, loser." She scoffed quietly, glancing around uncertainly. "Can…" she looked back at Taylor. "Can they see you?" She whispered.

Taylor shook his head, still grinning lopsidedly. “So then… I’m just, having a mental breakdown? Like Diego did?” Zahra asked, frowning when Taylor rolled his eyes at her. He pressed his hand to his chest, his dark blue eyes intent as he stared into Zahra’s crimson contacts and slowly moved his hand across the distance between them and hovered before Zahra’s chest.

Zahra swallowed thickly, her hand rising toward Taylor’s slowly. She held her breath and hesitated, before closing the distance between them, her heart falling in her chest when her hand passed right through Taylor’s. “Godammit…” she cursed, biting her lip at the returning sting in her eyes.

Taylor rolled his eyes again, waving his arms to get her attention. He once more pressed his hand to his own chest, his eyes deep and fathomless as they bored into Zahra’s. He moved his hand with slow deliberacy toward her, pressing his intangible hand to her chest. He waited as she glanced down and set her hand in the same spot as his, before lifting his hand and flicking at her nose with a playful grin and blatant silent amusement.

Zahra raised a brow as he folded his arms over his chest, looking at her expectantly as his lips twitched at her slowness. As suddenly as a whip crack, Zahra caught on; and her heart warmed as she snorted. “Yeah…” she sighed, shaking her head. “You’ll always be there, dork.” She huffed, as Taylor exaggerated a weary sigh and shook with silent laughter.

“Z!” Craig’s loud call made Zahra turn, her eyes searching until she found his huge shoulders, pushing between a small group of people so he could reach her. “Hey, Z, you okay?” He asked, clearly worried as he reached for her.

Zahra sighed, turning back to Taylor, to find the floor before her was empty. She felt a pang of loss briefly, but nothing compared to the long, fiery resentment she’d felt previously; too warmed by the exchange she’d shared with her lost friend. “Yeah…” she finally replied, sighing as she turned around and looped her arms around Craig’s massive shoulders. “Yeah, I’m good.” She said, her lips quirking in a devilish smirk. “I just got a gig offer.” She said smugly, as Craig raised his brows in surprise; sensing the shift in her mood.

He smiled slowly, his arms folding around her waist. “Chyeah, you did.” He agreed, picking her up and swinging her around in a circle as she gasped and laughed. “Knew you could do it, babe.” He said, as Zahra hugged herself to him and buried her face in the side of his neck, allowing her tears to fall for once as she thought of her lost friend; and all the emotional constipation that he still helped her to deal with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song; Creep - Radiohead
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lZiNtbgm9oM


	4. I Can't Be With You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I spent a lot of time trying to perfect this, but i actually feel i didn't do it justice - that happens progressively from this point btw; fair warning XD
> 
> I hope you enjoy 
> 
> x My love to you all x

**I Can’t Be With You**

Michelle stared dispassionately at the front door. She didn’t expect it would open any time soon, hell, she’d given up on that ridiculous notion over an hour ago. She stared at the door now, simply because she wasn’t sure what the hell else she was supposed to do anymore.

It was almost funny, in a morbid, heartbreaking kind of way. A year ago, she wouldn't have cared about a missed dinner date here or there, hell; she probably would have been the one to miss them. Too busy with her grand plan for 'the future'. The perfect life she'd envisioned for herself; with no sacrifice too great.

Until, she'd met _him_.

Michelle wasn't a fool, she knew Taylor was more than just a friend to everyone in their group. He'd been like a brother; occasionally too annoying, often in need of a sound telling off or a thwack around the ear for some smart ass comment… but he was always there for them, even at the end, when he'd given himself to save them all.

She'd learnt from personal and _painful_ first hand experience along their journey together, that winding up alone at crucial junctions in your life, with nobody to say goodbye to? That _sucked_. Back then, she had Taylor to cry on; and after his sacrifice, she'd been determined she wouldn't cut herself off from the world again.

So she allocated. Yes she still studied hard, hard enough that she was back to the top of her class in pre-med… but she also made time for her friends and loved ones.

She went to brunch with Estela almost three times every week, she helped Grace with her art events in the evenings whenever she was able. She helped Quinn as she set up her fundraisers and she always made time to taste test for Raj, before he'd set off on his journey across the world. She'd even gone to Zahra's first official gig, just last week; raving wildly with Craig, who was more proud of his girlfriend than Michelle had ever seen him before.

But despite everything, despite the time she always set aside for her own _boyfriend_ every single evening… she found herself on her own in their apartment, staring at the door as she waited for their promised time together.

Michelle sighed, shaking her head and telling herself she was being ridiculous. She shouldn't be so unhappy that Sean was making a go of his career, that he was trying so hard to live his dream. Shouldn't she be happy? Proud that he wanted to make a better future for them?

Perhaps without her time on La Huerta, without Taylor's intervention in her life and his meddling ways, then she could have pushed aside her doubts and her heartache. But now…

"This is okay, it's just…" she told herself, massaging her forehead with her fingertips gently. "It's just because he missed so much. Things will settle down." She repeated the lie she'd made up somewhere around the fifth missed date with practised ease, careful not to think of just how many dates they'd missed _since_ then.

The phone rang, starling Michelle from her thoughts. She glanced at the screen as she reached for the device, her heart sinking at the name which flashed up at her. With a sigh she answered the call, tossing her long blonde hair over her shoulder as she lifted the phone to her ear. "Hi, Diego." She said brightly, forcing a smile which she really _didn't_ feel.

"Hey, Michelle!" Diego chirped brightly, drawing Michelle to smile more naturally. Diego had hardly had the best start since they left the island, but even after his brief episode, he'd managed to pick himself back up off the floor and rebuild himself and his life… Michelle knew there had to be _some_ hope that she could do the same. "I'm sorry for disturbing date night, but uh… well, Mike and I were wondering if you, if you'd, I mean only if you don't have plans or reservations or something, or… oh god, kill me now, plea-"

Michelle's smile froze, suddenly feeling brittle and oh so very fragile. "Oh," she said, blinking as she tried to cover her shock and gather her scattered thoughts. "Oh, well that's very kind of you, _both_ of you." She said warmly, blinking slowly as she tried to calm her rising temperature and heart rate. "But, um, I… well, I don't think tonight's a… a very good night." She said, trying to force some cheer into her voice, wincing at the hollowness which she could hear in her dead, lifeless tone. "Rain check?" She tried to offer with a giggle, but the sound was as flat as everything else. 

Diego was silent for an extended pause, and Michelle felt sweat bead at her hairline, her hands turning clammy as he stomach turned over uncomfortably. "Michelle," Diego said hesitantly, seeming to consider carefully before pressing onward. "Michelle… you deserve better than this. You can't just keep letting him cancel on you or standing you up like this." He said sadly.

Michelle curled her perfectly manicured hand into a tight ball, biting back the tears she felt stinging at her eyes. "Oh, it's not… it's fine, we'll just do something tomorro-"

"Michelle, _please."_ Diego interrupted, his unusually firm tone startling her into a stunned silence. "Michelle… do you think it was easy for me to give up on what Varyyn and I had? Do you think it was easy for me to walk away?" He asked, as Michelle licked her lips and shook her head, not trusting herself to speak. "It was… one of the hardest things I have ever done, Michelle. I know there are people who say I gave up too easy, but there's only _one_ person who knows how much… is _too_ much." He said gently.

Michelle swallowed thickly, wiping at her eyes and scowling at the makeup staining her fingers. She used less nowadays, but somehow it was always still enough to smear. "How much… _is_ too much?" She asked in a small, trembling voice.

Diego laughed quietly, not mocking but relieved and sympathetic. "That's what I'm saying, Michelle…" he said, so warmly that Michelle could almost feel his arms around her. "Only _you_ can know."

Michelle's breath escaped her in a rush, hissing between her teeth as if Diego has just punched her in the gut. She sniffled quietly, rising from her seat at the kitchenette table and shuffling through to the bedroom, snatching a tissue from the box on her bedside table. "Diego…" she said thickly, her voice obscured by tears. "I… I don't-"

 _"Shhh,_ hey, it's okay…" Diego comforted her down the line, his quiet voice warm and soft. "You're not a failure, you know? This _isn't_ your fault." He said gently, as Michelle sniffed and cried silently, wiping her eyes with her tissue.

"But it feels like it is." She protested quietly, pleased for once that she was alone, so nobody could see her breaking down. "Last time I just let him walk away and then, this time I said let's make time for each other; always be open… but," she choked, barely biting back a sob. "But he's not here…"

Diego made gentle shushing sounds down the line, soothing the worst of Michelle's bubbling hysteria before it could manifest as a full meltdown. "It's okay." He whispered when he could, between low words which Michelle was sure were directed toward Mike instead of her. "Hey, hey, Michelle… breathe, it's okay. I'm here, okay? I'm here…" he promised.

Michelle sucked in a deep breath, blinking away a fresh wave of tears which her friend's words startled from her eyes. "That…" she hiccuped, covering her mouth with her hand briefly. "Taylor used to say that to me." She barely whispered, as Diego chuckled quietly.

"I think he said it to all of us." He replied, his smile practically audible down the line. "He was the worst panicker among us… but he was always a rock for everyone else."

Michelle allowed herself a watery giggle, remembering her missing friend fondly. "... I miss him." She admitted quietly.

"We all do." Diego said, seeming strangely amused by the words even as they left him. They lapsed into a comfortable silence for a brief pause, before Diego cleared his throat hesitantly. "Look, I'm not asking you to do anything you don't want to, Michelle. I can't tell you what to do here, or how to feel… but, I don't think you should be alone tonight. Would you come stay with me and Mike?"

Michelle blinked, surprised by the offer. "Oh!" She said, shaking her head and smiling sadly at her lap. "Oh, well… I appreciate the offer but, there's no room… and really, I'm fi-"

"Michelle, it's fine; I'll take the couch and you can have the spare room…" Diego said warmly, pausing as Mike's voice rumbled just out of range for Michelle to make out his words. “Sh-sh-shut up..!” Diego suddenly stammered, startling a quiet giggle of surprise from Michelle. “I-I am _not_ sca- just, just _go away!_ I’m trying to talk to Michelle!” He yelped, clearing his throat after a long pause. “Uh, sorry about that… but like I said, you can take the spare room. If you really don’t want to then, I get it; but I am probably going to come and camp out at your front door if you choose not to… just to make sure you’re okay.” He said sheepishly, awkward after whatever Mike had taunted him with.

“Diego…” Michelle sighed, shaking her head as her heart warmed at his generosity and his caring nature. It was hardly surprising he’d been Taylor’s best friend from the get go, really. “I suppose I could get a bag packed for tonight.” She sighed, rolling her eyes at Diego’s excited cheer on the other end of the call.

“Oh man, we’re gonna get everything stocked up; then we’re gonna come and get you in an hour, okay?” He babbled excitedly. “Mike… _Mike!_ ” He called, as Michelle giggled at the sound of something being thrown and striking it’s target; or so she assumed from the sound of Mike’s disgruntled rebuke. “Oh, don’t be such a baby, that didn’t hurt… anyway, shut up; Michelle said she would come over, so we have to go get her in an hour and that means we only have forty minutes to get everything ready.”

“So?” Mike’s voice was amused, Michelle was pleased to note. He seemed to be happy about the development, even though she wasn’t sure why her staying over would please the former soldier. “This mean ya gonna be takin’ me up on that offer of a nice, big-?”

“ _Shut up, she can hear you!_ ” Diego whispered, trying to smother the phone for a moment and clearly failing as Michelle was still able to hear them perfectly. She had a sudden guess just why Mike would be so happy about her staying over. 

“So?” Mike repeated, sounding doubly amused than he had before.

“Just… just stop being a _pervert_ for five goddamn minutes and... and go sort through my DVDs! We need Dirty Dancing, Pretty Woman and The Breakfast Club. Oh, and Salem’s Lot, if you can find it. If not I’ll look after I’ve taken inventory in the kitchen.” Diego ordered, as Michelle shook her head gently. Who would have thought that after everything they’d been through, Diego would remember such small details? 

“Those are my favourite films…” Michelle murmured distractedly, still marvelling at the fact that he remembered at all.

Diego laughed. “Of course they are… can’t have a sleepover without a movie marathon, right?” He snickered, as Michelle reluctantly smiled at his enthusiasm. “So, you get yourself all pretty and ready and we will be with you in… thirty eight minutes.”

“Thirty eight?” She asked, raising a brow at the specific timing. 

“It’s a promise.” Diego said, as Michelle blinked and shook her head in mild confusion. “See you soon, Meech.”

Michelle murmured a vague agreement, huffing quietly at Diego’s ongoing care about her well being and his planning to take care of her. How was it that a gay man knew her favourite films, when her boyfriend knew none of them? How was it that Diego was so determined to prove himself reliable, trustworthy… when Sean was content to let her slip away? 

Unable to stand the thoughts in her head, Michelle mechanically packed a small overnight bag. Essentials only; a change of clothes, toiletries and something to sleep in. When she was done, she still had thirty five minutes to wait, so she sat on the edge of the bed and looked around hers and Sean’s shared bedroom. It was tidy, she noted. Almost to the point that it barely seemed lived in. 

How long had it been, since they’d actually slept; side by side in this large bed?

Michelle ran her hand over the covers slowly, trying to find an answer to the questions which plagued her mind. She sighed and gave up after a short time, too emotionally drained and tired to keep going. She laid down and curled onto her side, hugging her pillow to her chest as she stared across the empty space where her lover should have been.

“I’m sorry…” she whispered, her breath hitching as her heart leapt into her throat. “I just… I can’t be this person anymore. Careers are important, but… but I can’t live like this again. Not when Taylor showed me another way…” her eyes stung, tears finally crashing over her cheeks in torrents as her body was wracked by soul crushing sobs of pain and defeat.

She wasn’t sure how long she cried, her face buried in the pillow and smearing make up across the cover. However, she blinked and lifted her face when she sensed a light through her eyelids, lifting her face and gasping when she found herself staring into fathomless blue eyes which she hadn’t seen in… nigh on three months. “I-” she choked, covering her mouth with a hand and reaching for her lost friend with the other. “Oh my, _how-?”_

She blinked in surprise when her hand passed straight through Taylor’s cheek, his eyes sad and regretful as he tipped his face as if to lean into her palm. “Oh…” she sniffed, her eyes watering with fresh tears. “I’m… hallucinating. Or, am I dreaming?” She asked curiously, her voice cracking as her throat ached from her crying.

Taylor didn’t answer, shrugging his shoulder lamely as he watched her intently and reached for the tears on her cheeks with a hand which brushed straight through her. “Oh, it’s nothing… just, me being a silly girl.” She chuckled sadly, though she could tell from Taylor’s disparaging look that he knew otherwise. “Okay, maybe it’s a little more than that.” She whispered, as Taylor made a show of rolling his eyes.

“Hey, you do not get to be all sassy right now!” Michelle laughed dully, shaking her head at him as she smiled hollowly. Taylor frowned, disappearing from the bed and reappearing by the window in the blink of an eye. Michelle stared at him, slightly dazed by the rapidity of his ‘movement’. She lifted herself from the bed as he frowned and waved his hand toward her, gesturing impatiently for her to join him.

“Jeez, I don’t remember you being this damn bossy.” She snarked, smiling when Taylor broke out in a grin she recognised all too well and shook with silent laughter. “Alright, alright, I’m coming.” She sighed, rising from the bed fully and joining him beside the window. “What exactly is so interesting about this side of the room?” She demanded haughtily.

Taylor smiled again, stepping lightly around her and urging her closer to the window. She frowned at him, but moved as he clearly wanted her too, looking up at the moon at his further prompting. “Yes… the moon is uh, very pretty.” She said slowly, looking back at Taylor in confusion as he rolled his eyes and pouted at her. “Don’t give me that look! You want to tell me something, you damn well tell me or you make do with my assumptions, mister! I am _so_ not being bossed around by my own goddamn hallucination.”

Taylor’s lips twitched with amusement, but he seemed to fight hard not to laugh again. Instead he reached for her face, his fingers hovering just before her nose, before he pointed toward the moon again; and finally lowered his hand to press it over his own heart.

Michelle raised a brow at his ridiculous gesturing, trying to puzzle out whatever cryptic message he’d tried to give her. “I…” she began hesitantly, her chest tightening when he nodded eagerly. “I… the moon… heart…” she listed, cocking her head as her throat tightened, seeming to sense the epiphany on the tip of her tongue. She shook her head, but Taylor caught her eyes and nodded; and she knew she couldn’t avoid the need to vocalise her realisation. “... I deserve more. To be loved, cherished, like the moon.” She whispered.

Taylor grinned widely, his eyes crinkling at the corners as they always had. He nodded happily, before spreading his arms around the essentially empty room in which Michelle stood. She looked around herself, torn by longing as she was reluctantly forced to see the room through clearer eyes. There was no love in this room, no warmth. There was only Michelle, and her drying tears.

Michelle swallowed heavily, her lip trembling as she felt her heart rise into her throat; throbbing and aching as she tried to ignore the piercing pain which clawed at her, whenever Sean forgot about their plans. She sighed, walking over to the bed and sitting on the end, flopping onto her back and letting her hair fan out behind her as she stared at the ceiling with an emotionless expression, vaguely aware of a tinny drumming sound in her ears. “I… I don’t know what to do, Taylor.” She admitted, turning her head to meet his gaze, as he sat cross legged on the bed beside her.

Taylor spread his palms unhelpfully, but he waggled his brows and tipped his chin towards the cupboards suggestively; his thoughts clear even without her attempts to translate this time.

Michelle giggled quietly, her eyes roving over the drawers and cupboards dispassionately as her stomach turned over uneasily. As a rule, Michelle didn’t fear change, not anymore… but this? This was different. This was a choice. The question though, was if she was strong enough to make it. 

The drumming in her ears grew louder, a recognisable beat beneath a faint strumming sound.

Michelle closed her eyes, her hand curling into a small fist over her head as she drew in a deep breath and felt her chest pulse weakly. “ _Lying in my bed again… and I cry 'cause you're not here.”_ She whispered, turning her head as fresh tears leaked between her closed eyelids. “ _Crying in my head again… and I know that it's not clear.”_ She sighed, slowly peeling open her eyes to gaze up at Taylor, who smiled and pointed towards a photo frame on the chest of drawers opposite the bed.

Michelle rose from the bed slowly, walking over to trail her fingers over Sean’s smiling face in the picture. _“Put your hands, put your hands, inside my face and see that it's just you!”_ She pleaded brokenly, shaking her head as she lowered her hand and took a step back, scowling at the image through her blurring vision. “ _But it's bad and it's mad; and it's making me sad! Because I can't be with you…”_ she said thickly, glancing up to meet Taylor’s gaze, as he threw his arms up and weaved his hips back and forth with a wink.

 _“Be with you, be with you!”_ Michelle chanted, her chest tight as she watched Taylor shimmy energetically to the words which Michelle realised she had no power of stopping. Or was it the music she could hear in her head that he was dancing to? _“Be with you, be with you…”_ she gasped, pressing her hand over her heart as she looked back at the picture of herself and Sean, his smiling face staring back at her with a warmth which she hadn’t seen in months.

 _“Be with you, be with you!”_ She repeated, blinking slowly as she felt her grief well up in her throat, constricting it painfully as the words continued to flow from her relentlessly. “ _Baby, I can't be with you…”_ she whispered, closing her eyes briefly, before turning away and grabbing another bag from the wardrobe.

 _“Thinking back on how things were… and on how we loved so well,_ ” she sang quietly, stuffing blouses, jumpers and t-shirts into her bag quickly, before she could begin to doubt her hallucination induced clarity. She grabbed the framed photo of herself and Sean, gazing down at their smiling faces in detachment. “ _I wanted to be the mother of your child; and now it's just farewell.”_ She sighed, tossing the photo onto the bed and turning to gather more of her things from the drawers.

 _“Put your hands in my hands… and come with me! We'll find another end...”_ She cried, dumping her trousers, dresses and jeans into the bag and grabbing her spare trainers. They were good enough to go with anything, which meant she could save space. “ _And my head, and my head… on anyone's shoulder, 'cause I can't be with you…”_ Michelle murmured, slinging her bag over her shoulder and moving to the bedroom doorway and pausing to look back for a final time.

 _“Be with you, be with you!”_ Michelle chanted as she turned and loped down to the living room, grabbing some of the more important knick-knacks she’d gathered as souvenirs. A flower from La Huerta which Grace had preserved for her, a pack of bobby pins which Taylor had found for her. “ _Be with you, be with you!”_ She murmured distractedly as she whirled through the room, sweeping everything she knew she couldn’t live without into her bag as she went. 

_“Be with you, be with you!”_ She repeated, turning and scanning the room quickly, ducking through to the kitchen to get her notebooks and diary. “ _Baby, I can't be with you… 'cause you're not here, you're not here!_ ” She cried, clawing her college books from the bookcase and jamming the most important ones into her bag. “ _Baby, I can't be with you…”_ she muttered, glancing up at the clock to see she had five minutes before Diego and Mike arrived; provided they were accurate in their estimate and they were actually on time.

 _“'Cause you're not here, you're not here!”_ She sang distractedly, rising to her feet and stacking the less important books on the corner of the table. If she needed them, she could either call and ask for them, or come back and get them herself. Her eyes caught sight of the fridge briefly, passing over the photo of her and Sean which Raj had taken, before quickly cutting away. “ _Baby, still in love with you…”_ she whispered, wiping her eyes and turning to find Taylor leaning in the doorway, watching her with a soft smile.

 _“Still in love with you,”_ she said again, forcing a small smile as she carried her bag over to him and sucked in a deep breath to try and calm her nerves. “ _When I'm still in love with you.”_ She repeated, as Taylor’s grin grew. 

He shifted away from the door frame, shimmying and sauntering his way toward the front door in an undeniable dance to the beat which Michelle could still hear in her head. “ _Na na na na na na, still in love with you…_ ” she smiled slowly as the words left her, remembering her friend’s fun loving nature and the way he’d always tried to make her smile. “ _When I'm still in love with you.”_

Michelle chuckled humourlessly as she took a last glance around the apartment, before slowly following after Taylor toward the door, the pressure in her chest building with each step forward she took. _“Na na na na na na na, still in love with you…”_ she sang lowly, swaying her hips gently while she walked, soon catching up to Taylor and closing her eyes, lifting a hand to her chest as she walked right through him. “ _When I'm still in love with you…”_ she whispered, drawing in a deep breath as the pressure in her chest evaporated slowly, like the relief of a fading headache. She smiled and reached automatically for the door handle; and pulled the door open.

“Hey, look at that! Talk about timing, huh?” Diego’s laughing voice caused her eyes to snap open in surprise, staring at him in disbelief as his grin faltered at the sight of her startled expression. “Uh, sorry… I was just about to knock.” He explained, lowering his hand from where it had indeed been poised to knock.

“Ya alright, Blondie?” Mike asked, frowning at her as he reached to take the bag from her hand, raising a brow at the weight of it. “Damn, how much shit does one chick need for a sleepover?” He snorted, though the curl of his lips revealed that he suspected the answer already.

Michelle blinked, gasping and turning around quickly to search the apartment for her missing friend. “Michelle?” Diego’s concerned voice rang in her ears, as Michelle stared at the empty apartment a heartbeat longer, before turning back with a sigh.

“Yes, sorry… I’m ready.” She said quietly, stepping through the door and closing it behind her without looking back again. She rubbed her chest absently, thinking of her friend and the strange compulsion she’d felt while still inside the apartment.

“Ya look like ya just saw a ghost.” Mike said, nudging Diego as he scrutinised Michelle thoughtfully.

“No…” he said, a slow smile spreading across his face. “She saw Taylor.”

Michelle looked over at Diego, lowering her hand slowly as fresh tears stung her eyes, but did not fall. She nodded, sniffing quietly as she sighed. “Yeah… I did.” She confessed, biting her lip guiltily as she peeked at Diego with uncharacteristic shyness. “I-I’m sorry, that I didn’t believe-”

“Did he help you?” Diego asked, his expression warm, kind and gentle. More understanding than Michelle felt she deserved. She nodded quickly, smiling and exhaling a deep breath slowly. “Then that’s all that matters.” He said, linking his arm through hers and gesturing towards the end of the hall.

Michelle laughed quietly, shaking her head at the kindness she didn’t feel that she’d earned. She hesitated, glancing at the closed door, before allowing Diego to guide her away. “You know,” Diego said leadingly, glancing sideways at her as they walked towards the elevator. “I have a theory about these… mysterious Taylor sightings.” He said, grinning lopsidedly as they stepped into the elevator and Mike selected the ground floor. “Do you wanna hear it?”

Michelle smiled, squeezing Diego’s arm with her hand gratefully. “Yeah….” she said, as the elevator doors slid shut on her old life. “Yeah… I’d love to.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song; I Can't Be With You - The Cranberries
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JIlg0yM0XKg


	5. I Am The One And Only

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am not gonna lie... I don't know if this works. Like... at all
> 
> Im nervous
> 
> so, comments much appreciated
> 
> x My love to you all x

**I Am The One And Only**

Kele wasn’t sure how this new world worked. It seemed like everything went backwards, or at least, against what it seemed it was supposed to. In his own time, things had worked how they were supposed to work; there was structure, order. This… _strange_ new world was, confusing. To say the very least.

He couldn’t really understand why Taylor had brought him to this time. Of course, he had no way to prove that it was Taylor’s intention for him to remain with the small group of friends, nay, family which he’d found upon the island of La Huerta; his home for… many more years than he’d had a right to live for. Perhaps it was merely coincidence, perhaps it was divine intervention of some higher power; and nothing to do with Taylor at all… but it didn’t feel that way. It _felt_ like Taylor had protected him, like he’d purposely kept Kele with their friends, rather than have him return to his own time.

Whatever the reason, he was now stuck in a strange world, with no way to understand it’s many changes and advancements. Only in one way, did the world seem even vaguely similar.

The military was just what it had always been. Order, protection, strategy. So it was hardly surprising that he’d re-enlisted, at the first opportunity, with the help of some paperwork which was masterfully provided by Aleister Rourke. 

Kele didn't expect the higher ups would have taken kindly to a veteran joining their ranks, even if he _did_ look too young for them to consider such an idea. He generally tried not to think of how old he would have been by this time, or rather, how long he would have been at rest; for surely he wouldn't have survived to such a ripe age. The idea was firmly pushed away whenever it cropped up.

As a rule he tried to focus on the menial tasks he was given. Kitchen duty was predictably easy after his time alone, foraging and learning for himself what went well together. Of course, there was no portal to snag himself some dino meat now and then, but he supposed the trade off was ultimately worth it.

Much like kitchen duty, cleaning was an easy affair. Once learned, you could hardly unlearn the skill. Being a clean person anyway, he found it simple to navigate the various cleaners and scrub away at whatever surface or latrine he was pointed toward.

Other soldiers were perhaps not always as easy to get along with as they had been in his day, but he quickly learned who to avoid in the barracks and who was worth his time and help. Overall, he figured with enough time he could muddle his way through the strange new world, with the familiarity of the military world beneath his feet.

It was as he was chatting with his bunk mate one day, that he was summoned to their Sargent's office. He politely excused himself, and quickly made his way through the halls, to knock on the appropriate door. "Come." A deep voice called from within.

Kele opened the door and stepped inside, approaching the Sargent's desk and saluting briefly. "You wished to see me, sir?" He asked, folding his arms behind his back and standing rigidly as he awaited his senior officers response.

"Yes," the Sargent replied, shifting some paperwork across his desk as he looked for something specific. "I had to sort through some of our applications the other day, had a fresh batch of youngsters trying to pull the wool over our eyes and enrol early." He explained, chuckling quietly as if amused by the antics of the young. 

Kele frowned. He didn't see the funny side of such a thing. It had been known to happen in his day, true; but that didn't change the fact that _children_ had been killed in wars they should never have been in. He blinked quickly, carefully smoothing his expression back into neutrality. "Sir?" He asked, uncertain what the childish antics had to do with him.

"Well, while I was going through them anyway; I had to double check a few older recruits, make sure I hadn't slipped up and someone had been bragging, or something." The Sargent explained. He looked up at Kele with a piercing look. "Can you explain to me, why your date of birth isn't listed in the records?" He asked.

Kele felt his palms turn clammy, his heart skipping a beat nervously. "No, sir." He replied. He didn't know anything about whatever Aleister had done on his paperwork, so he wasn't technically lying. 

"I see." The Sargent tapped his fingers against the edge of his desk, eyeing Kele thoughtfully. "Were you aware that there were no listings under your family name, forename or in fact any name remotely like yours on your date of birth?" He asked.

"No, si-" Kele began, only to fall silent when his senior officer continued.

"Except…" he said pointedly, his finger stilling abruptly. "For a century ago."

Kele tensed, but barely managed to hold the neutral expression on his face. "Sir?" He bit out formally, pleased that his voice was steady and calm as always.

"June twentieth, nineteen fourteen…" the Sargent went on, plucking a piece of paper from his desk and reading from it with his lips curving in a cruel grin. "By my reckoning, that'd make you… a hundred and four? Gotta say, you're looking pretty good for such a... _ripe_ age." 

"With all due respect, sir…" Kele blinked slowly, his mind whirling at the implications. "That seems pretty impossible, sir." He said, clenching his hands together behind his back.

The Sargent's grin turned darker, his eyes flicking up to watch Kele's face, as he slowly twirled the paper to reveal a black and white photograph of a small squadron… with Kele stood in smack dab the middle.

Kele eyed the photo hungrily, remembering the day he and his team mates had posed for the shot. His squad; his _friends_ , were all stood around him, faces he likely wouldn't recognise in present times, _if_ any yet lived. Despite the yearning he felt to see the people in the picture again, to have been able to fight by their sides as he'd planned to; he held himself still, and carefully masked his hunger with a confused frown. "Must be a family resemblance, sir… grandfather, perhaps." He offered quietly.

The Sargent's eyes glimmered dangerously and he rose from his chair slowly. "Don't try to pull the wool over my eyes recruit, we _both_ know that ain't no _family resemblence._ " He scoffed, circling around Kele slowly.

Kele forced himself not to turn, wincing when he heard the soft clock of the door closing behind him, followed by the turn of a key and the snap of a lock. "Sir, I don't-"

"Shut up." The Sargent barked, striding around Kele and observing him curiously. "How this is possible, I don't really care." He said quietly, still circling Kele slowly. "What I care about… is that I'm up for the same promotion as Sargent Green." He said leadingly, as Kele frowned in genuine confusion.

"Sir?" He murmured uncertainly, not sure what a promotion could have to do with him or his true identity.

"See, if it got out that you weren't who you said you were…" the Sargent went on, without acknowledging Kele's interruption. "You'd be discharged faster than you could blink. Paperwork is ready, I just gotta sign it." He said, as Kele felt his pulse spike nervously. He felt an iron cage fit itself around his heart, holding him prisoner to the fear which clawed at him. "But," the Sargent paused, waiting for Kele to take his bait.

Kele knew he shouldn't; that he should remain strong, show no doubt and just hope this was all an elaborate bluff. But without the military, Kele didn't know how to navigate this strange world… could he really take that risk? 

Defeated, he closed his eyes and drew a deep breath. "But?" He repeated quietly, his heart sinking as the Sargent chuckled darkly.

"But… if something were to happen to keep Sargent Green from that promotion," he said, slowly stepping around Kele to watch his face. "Then maybe I could just… forget any of this happened to come to my attention." He said, shrugging his shoulder nonchalantly and folding his arms over his chest, as he leaned back against the edge of his desk.

Kele felt the blood draining from his face. “Y-you want me to..?” he barely choked out, his fingernails cutting deep half moon crescents into his palms.

“Ha, I don’t care what the hell you do.” The Sargent snorted, his eyes hard as he jabbed a finger at Kele’s chest. “Just make sure he doesn’t get that promotion.”

Kele blanched, his stomach tying itself in knots at the implications of his predicament. Could he do what was being asked of him? Ruin someone’s chances of a better life, one they’d honestly earned; to keep his secret safe? He shifted his weight uneasily, his head clogged by thoughts which chased each others tails, while his heart thudded in the cage which grew ever tighter around it.

“Tell you what,” the Sargent said brightly, as if he hadn’t just given Kele an ultimatum of the grimmest of natures. “This is a pretty hefty decision to make… I’ll bet you could use some fresh air, get a little perspective. Take ten, then report back here.” He said, waving a hand dismissively toward the door. "Oh and why not take this with you? Little reading material."

Kele swallowed thickly, eyeing his senior officer warily as he took the offered discharge paper and half turned away; reaching for the door handle, unlocking it and pulling it open quickly. He escaped from the office without a backward glance, almost running down the hallway in his need to be as far away as possible. He wasn’t even sure if he could stop, once he actually got outside.

When he reached the main entrance, Kele exploded into the sunny afternoon, his heart racing and pounding against the heavy cage around his heart as he looked around frantically for somewhere quiet and empty that he could consider his limited options. “Kele?” He started at the sound of his name, whirling to his left to find Estela eyeing him cautiously. Upon catching sight of his expression, Estela cast a quick glance around them, snatching Kele’s elbow and quickly dragging him away to a nearby tree. “You look half crazed. Talk.” She said firmly.

Kele dragged a hand over his cropped hair, quickly dropping it again at the still unfamiliar shortness. “I…” he paused, licking his lips and shaking his head as he exhaled a deep gust of air rapidly. He hesitated, his lips parted ready to explain; but he could not find the words to begin.

“Kele,” Estela said quietly, laying her hand on his arm gently. Kele looked up, surprised by the gentle warmth and concern in her tone and her eyes. Estela had always understood him better than Quinn, in some ways. She understood the need to fight for your home, your country, your own honour. Quinn understood to a degree, after all she’d gone through; but she hadn’t understood his need to re-enlist. He’d hated to hurt her, but he’d also needed the stability in an otherwise near unrecognisable world.

Estela however, had never questioned him. She’d come with him when he first enlisted; helping him to learn the correct directions and to navigate the roads. She’d helped him with training, to catch up on the techniques he’d missed out on and to refresh the skills which had grown soft during his time on the island. She had also taken to bringing him a sandwich during the lunch hour, knowing he was still uncomfortable being in the mess hall with the _entire_ garrison. 

Kele would be lying if he said he didn’t appreciate everything she’d done for him; in fact, he felt considerably more than appreciative. His heart normally skipped a beat whenever he saw her lately, but with the cage restricting it today; he couldn’t tell if it was still able to.

“Kele.” Estela repeated firmly, drawing him from his inner musings. “Tell me.” She insisted, her hand sliding down his arm and gripping his hand tightly.

Kele nodded slowly, drawing in a deep breath and beginning to speak slowly. “I… I can’t tell what I should do.” He admitted shamefully when he’d finished recounting the conversation with his Sargent. “This is… it’s all I know. This world is…” he said, shaking his head slowly. “But then, can I do that..?” He wondered aloud, toying with the discharge papers in his hand uneasily.

Estela was quiet while he explained, watching him intently as he repeated every word to her. He wasn’t sure he could ever forget them, even if he tried. “If you do,” she said, sighing as she glanced away. “You’ll be his personal attack mutt, whenever this happens again. It won’t ever be over.” She said, her eyes warm but hard. Certain.

Kele sighed and nodded glumly. “That… does make sense, I guess.” He admitted reluctantly. He closed his eyes and buried his face in his hands. “Why the hell did he bring me here, Estela?” He asked between his fingers, his chest tight and heavy beneath the burden of the decision he knew he needed to make. “What did Taylor think I could do here? I can’t even…” he trailed off, shaking his head as he dropped his hands to his lap and turned his face to the sky.

Estela didn’t reply immediately, looking at the ground thoughtfully. “Taylor was kind of impossible to work out. I always thought it was better not to try and work out how the hell his mind worked, to be honest.” She said at last, looking up at Kele with a small smile. “But, having said that… however harebrained his ideas, however impossible the odds; he always had this way of doing what was right. I could never work out if he had some kind of sixth sense about it, or if he was just genuinely; a good person… but clearly, he brought you here for a reason. A chance to do something only you can, maybe. You’ll figure it out when the time is right.” 

Kele snorted quietly. “That’s mighty good and all, but it don’t help much when I got all of… four minutes left to make a decision here.”

"Hmm," Estela mused, her lips curved into a small smile. "Maybe it's all you really need." She said, shrugging her shoulders. "To know that, in the end... you'll know right from wrong."

Kele frowned, rolling his eyes as he looked down at his lap and bit his lip. Did he know right from wrong? He'd always thought so, but could he really risk everything he knew, to stay true? He sighed, smiling faintly when Estela's warm hand slid into his own and squeezed gently. 

Her hand was soft, faintly calloused from the hard work and fighting she'd grown up doing. "Kele, what do you want to do?" She asked quietly, as he tried to untangle his jumbled thoughts and feelings. "Whatever you decide, I'll support you. I'll help you, if I can."

Kele's heart warmed, even as he felt the iron cage shrink around it. He tried to think of a reply, to make his choice and face the consequences, but the constricting squeeze of the cage around his heart made his breath quicken, his ears ringing faintly.

"Kele?' Estela's voice was distant, thin beneath the ringing in his ears, but he could just make out the concern in her tone. "Kele… I need you to breath." Estela said calmly, squeezing his hand as he gulped at air which didn't seem to reach his lungs.

Kele closed his eyes and grit his teeth, trying to calm down and make a rational decision. Could he ruin a man's career, potentially his life, to keep his career? Or would he give up the one constant in his life and face this strange modern world alone?

The ringing in his ears grew with a dizzying rush, his eyes snapping open at the faint pop in his ears, his brow furrowing at the burst of noise which he was certain he could hear from somewhere nearby. He sucked in a sudden, deep breath and opened his mouth to reassure Estela, but what came out was not what he'd intended. 

_"Call me, call me by my name or call me by number…"_ he sang gently, blinking at the words he neither knew or thought to say. " _You put me through it. I'll still be doing it the way I do it."_ Kele frowned, trying to close his mouth and stop the words tumbling from him, pressing his hand to his chest and massaging the throb of the cage around his heart. ' _And yet, you try to make me forget… who I really am,"_ Kele shook his head, looking down at his own lap briefly, before looking up at Estela with a torn frown. " _Don't tell me I know best… I'm not the same as all the rest!"_

Kele pushed to his feet, Estela following as she watched him with a burning intensity, not interrupting as he squeezed her hand carefully in his. " _I am the one and only… nobody I'd rather be."_ Kele said firmly, blinking in surprise at the words he had not expected to hear or to say. " _I am the one and only… you can't take that away from me!"_

Kele looked at Estela, who shrugged unhelpfully but gestured for him to continue, seeming to sense he had no choice in the matter regardless. " _I've been a player in the guard scheme,"_ he said, noticing Estela's eyes narrow at something in the words but not understanding her reaction. " _A flicker on the war scene… my soul embraces,_ " he said, shaking his head in confusion and glancing over Estela's shoulder when he thought he noticed someone watching them. " _One more in a million faces... high hopes and aspirations, and years above my station, maybe,"_ Kele blinked in confusion, his breath catching despite the words still spilling from his lips as he watched Taylor smile slowly and salute him with a playful wink. _"But all this time I've tried to walk with dignity and pride…"_ he murmured, swallowing thickly as he glanced between Estela and back to Taylor, understanding from his shaking head that Estela could not see him. 

_"I am the one and only… nobody I'd rather be,"_ Kele sang quietly, distracted from Estela's concerned expression by watching Taylor slowly approach them. " _I am the one and only! You can't take that away from me."_ He said, as Taylor walked right up to him and made to flick the collar of his regulation t-shirt, though his fingers passed straight through the material.

Kele frowned down at his clothing, another relic like link to his former life. Another attempt at consistency. But looking down at the basic camo garb, Kele couldn't find the pride and honour he'd once associated with them. " _I can't wear this uniform... without some compromises,"_ he said slowly, looking back at Taylor as he spread his palms and shrugged, a lazy smile lighting his face. " _Because I found out that it comes, with sacrifice and too high prices."_

Kele swallowed thickly, the cage around his heart trembling as Taylor winked at him knowingly. " _No one can be myself like I can… for this job I'm the best man."_ He murmured, his gaze turning to Estela at Taylor's insistent winking and unsubtle head cocking. " _And while this may be true,"_ he felt the cage around his heart flutter weakly, before falling away entirely, as Estela smiled at him warmly and squeezed his hand. " _You are the one and only you."_

Estela laughed, blushing faintly at the soft intensity of his gaze. With a small tug of his hand, Estela followed beside Kele, as he led her into the barracks. " _I am the one and only,"_ he sighed as they walked through the door, sensing the impending change in his life with nervousness and an anxious sense of excitement. " _Nobody I'd rather be."_ He sang lowly, approaching the Sargent's office and pushing the door open without hesitation. 

_"I am the one and only,"_ he said quietly, meeting the eyes of the stunned Sargent over his desk and dropping the discharge papers back onto his desk. " _You can't take that away from me."_ He said firmly, holding the senior officer's gaze for an intense heartbeat, before turning toward Estela and smiling as relief radiated through his entire chest.

 _"I am the one and only,"_ he said as he led her back out of the room, dropping by his bunk to quickly gather his things. " _Nobody I'd rather be."_ He chuckled as he slid his bag over his shoulder and took Estela's hand again, leading her toward the main entrance with growing confidence; certain he'd made the right decision.

He saw Taylor, leaning against the door frame, smiling brightly as he approached. " _I am the one and only…"_ he said warmly, as Taylor winked and nodded. In the time it took Kele to blink, the redhead was gone. " _You can't take that away from me…"_ Kele murmured as he strode through the doors into the afternoon sun, turning to smile at Estela as the noise in his head reached a crescendo. Without thought he tugged on her hand and bent his head to press his lips to hers.

A long pause passed, their lips moving softly and tentatively as Kele felt the worries and fears from what seemed like a lifetime ago; melting away. He pulled away a fraction, gazing at Estela with obvious vulnerability. "What… do I do now?" He asked.

Estela ducked her head to hide the pink which coloured her cheeks, drawing in a deep breath and peeking up at him with a small smile. "I have an idea about that, actually." She said, biting her lip before continuing. "But first… you should really kiss me again."

Kele's heart lifted, his face brightening with a soft smile as he leaned in and returned his lips to hers as he'd been ordered, trusting the brunette to lead him on the right path in this strange, exciting new world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song; I Am The One And Only - Chesney Hawkes
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZvMsp7s78Do


	6. The Girl All The Bad Guys Want

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Changing lyrics SUCKS sometimes, just sayin'
> 
> trying to make things fit has slowly got harder and harder; but I hope you enjoy this
> 
> x My love to you all x

**The Girl All The Bad Guys Want**

Craig sat at the bar, nursing a sazerac he’d had for far too long. Normally he'd chug them like water, but lately his drinks lasted him longer and longer. He stared at the liquid with a frown, remembering the first time Jake had made one for him. He knew there was still a part of him that wished they were still on the island. Things had been simpler there. He'd been needed.

Now all he had, was the drinks he nursed for hours while his girlfriend practiced or performed with her band. But even those were dwindling. Without Jake to hit him up for free, drinking could be a seriously expensive business. Not the best idea when you're only just starting up your own small business in computer software and games.

He sighed and rolled his head on his shoulders, looking over at the far corner where his girlfriend and her band were sound checking for the gig they were going to perform in a half hour. Zahra caught him glancing over and grinned, flashing him a wink and briefly turning back to her bandmates, before walking over to join him. "Hey, Player Two." She greeted him, nudging his shoulder with her own.

"'Sup." He replied, an automatic grin lifting his lips as she ordered herself a drink. "Y'all set?" He asked, tipping his chin toward the rest of Zahra's band mates.

"Yeah, 's all good." She replied, glancing back over and reaching up to brush her fingers across the fringe which was slowly growing out. She reached back to pat the brushed back hair that she'd tied in a ponytail, until it grew out enough for her to better style. "We're gonna do a soundcheck in a few minutes and then we're gonna be good to go."

Craig took a deep breath and nodded, clucking his tongue and grinning lopsidedly. "I'll bet you guys are going to bring the house down." He said, forcing a quiet chuckle as the barman delivered Zahra's drink.

"Here ya go," he leered, as Craig grit his teeth and tried not to grip his glass so tight that it cracked or splintered in his large palm. "Only the best for the star of the show." He added. Craig didn't need to look to know he had the same calculating, smarmy expression on his face than nearly every other guy who'd started trying to snag Zahra's attention.

"Shut it, dork." Zahra said flippantly, Craig's lips twitching briefly at her obvious lack of interest. "Hey, Craiggers…" she said, knocking back her drink quickly and stepping closer to knock her shoulder to his, snorting when he spilled a small amount of his drink. "I'll come catch you quickly before we start, yeah?" She said, already backing away.

Craig forced a tight smile and nodded, his expression darkening as she turned away from him. With a sigh he downed the rest of his drink, setting the glass on the bar and shoving it toward the bartender roughly. "Same again." He said thickly.

The bartender said nothing, either not wanting to provoke someone he clearly knew could snap him in two; or suddenly realising he'd been hitting on a girl who was taken… by said guy who could snap him in half. He received his next drink; and the bartender slipped away without a glance.

"... To island life, brah." Craig whispered, a hollow laugh escaping him as he thought of the private paradise they'd been forced to give up. Alright, it had a few issues at the time, but with the timeline corrected and the sabertooth turning out to be friendly, he figured it was mostly normal nowadays. He sighed as he took a sip of his drink, looking over at the band as they prepped themselves for their gig, a stagehand just slightly closer to Zahra than Craig thought he really needed to be.

But that was the way of things now. During the past two months that Zahra had worked her ass off to get comfortable in the band and bring them up to scratch, she'd been hit on more times than Craig could count… and he'd got better at maths since they'd left the island too, so he could count pretty damn high.

It wasn't so much that they were hitting on her, hell; Craig knew only too well that Zahra was a _damn_ fine woman and he loved her with everything he had. Her easy dismissals were always amusing, _relieving_ to witness… but someday soon, Craig worried she might realise that one of these newcomers was actually a pretty big leap up the food chain from him. One day, he knew she would look at him and see that same little dork that she met freshman year, the loser with the bowl cut who would never be able to give her the kind of life that she deserved.

"Why settle for some… _former_ dumb jock?" He muttered to himself distractedly, narrowing his eyes at his drink. "Was never good enough to get drafted… I won't ever be good enough for her." He sighed, sipping the liquid in his glass slowly.

His heart ached at the thought of losing her, but the idea that a nobody like him could possibly be with someone so… well, so far as he was concerned; pretty goddamn perfect, as Zahra Namazi.

Similarly, taking that step back and just _letting her go,_ was too painful a thought to bear. So here he was, watching other guys hit on his girl; knowing one day, maybe soon and maybe sometime in the future, there would come a guy who could give Zahra everything she dreamed of and more. “Godammit…” he sighed again, shaking his head as his throat tightened. “Heh, where’s a Raj Rage when you need one?” He chuckled humourlessly, a fond grin tugging his lips as he recalled the last party they’d had together, back before they’d left the island. A party for Taylor, to show their appreciation of him, and everything he’d done for them… not yet knowing everything he _would_ do for them. He swallowed thickly, raising his glass as his chest tightened. “Miss you, bro.” He murmured solemnly, taking another sip of his drink.

He glanced to his side when he caught movement, assuming the bartender had returned; and consequently choked on his drink, almost spitting it out across the bar, when he saw a face he'd not seen in… five whole months. "Shit, brah… Taylor?" He coughed, setting his drink down and staring at Taylor in disbelief.

Taylor wrinkled his nose, his lips turned down in a sulky pout as he stared at Craig, his arms folded over his chest as he sat on the bar stool beside him. He jabbed a finger at Craig crossly, before smoothing his hand flat and thwacking Craig around the head. 

Craig flinched automatically, but Taylor’s hand sailed straight through him. He blinked, looking at the redhead in awe as he raised his hand to where he knew he _should_ have felt his friends hand strike him. “Just like they said…” Craig muttered, shaking his head as Taylor refolded his arms over his chest and raised a brow at him, clearly unimpressed by Craig’s wonder. “Bro, are you..?” he whispered semi-hopefully, though Taylor merely rolled his eyes and exhaled a silent huff of exasperation as he waggled his fingers.

“Heh, right, the hand…” Craig chuckled sadly, lowering his hand and swallowing heavily. “Brah, this shit’s crazy.” He sighed, shaking his head as he reached for his drink. “I was just thinking about you…” he mused, as Taylor rolled his eyes again and slipped off his stool. “Hey, dude; wait, where the hell are you going?” 

Craig rose himself, concerned his friend was leaving him again after only such a short time. Diego had said Taylor had helped him, Zahra had reluctantly admitted the same when they were home alone after her impromptu performance in the bar one night. “Taylor, please…” he called, reaching for his friends shoulder and passing straight through him, though Taylor did at least stop and turn to face him. “Man, I dunno what to do.”

Taylor made a show of heaving a weary sigh, before he flashed a brief grin and stepped closer. He lifted a finger and pointed towards Zahra, raising a knowing brow as he waggled his eyebrows.

“Heh, yeah… you know it, brah.” Craig chuckled, as Taylor laughed silently. “But, I dunno how much longer for.” He reluctantly added, sighing as he looked over at Zahra wistfully. He looked at Taylor when the redhead waved his hand in front of him, raising a brow and rolling his hand in an obvious demand for more information. “Well, I mean… look at her.” Craig said, gesturing to where Zahra was getting help from the overly friendly guy again. “Why the hell is she gonna hang back for a loser like me, when she’s going to have millions of fans..? C’mon brah, even you must be able to see that one of them is easily gonna be better than me.”

Taylor scowled at Craig, gesturing brusquely toward Zahra. “Well, yeah, of course it’s down to her… but, I dunno if I should just make all this easier for her, ya know?” Craig said, as Taylor rolled his eyes to the ceiling and shook his head, muttering silently to himself. “Hey, don’t be getting all mouthy on me, I can still…” he paused when Taylor rolled his head towards him, raising a brow as he quirked his lips in obvious amusement. “Heh, yeah alright… guess I can’t.” Craig snorted, as Taylor laughed his silent laughter and looked over at Zahra again.

A minute of quiet contemplation passed, as Craig watched Taylor; watching Zahra. Craig briefly wondered if this was really the same hallucination that both Diego and Zahra had told him about, or whether perhaps there was something more to Taylor’s appearance than they’d realised, like he was with them just like he promised, and reaching out across the galaxy to help them when they need him the most.

He then snorted and dismissed the idea as a piece of Raj’s brownies in his system, leftover from the night before.

Taylor turned back towards him, his hand over his chest before he gestured at Craig and then to Zahra curiously. “Chyeah,” Craig snickered, grinning broadly at the obvious question. “Always, man.”

Taylor raised his brow, pointing to Craig and then at his mouth, before jerking his thumb toward Zahra again. Craig shifted uncomfortably. “She knows.” He said awkwardly, as Taylor’s expression turned flat and irritated. The redhead spread both palms and gestured at Craig gruffly, as Craig huffed and rolled his eyes. “What’s the point if someone better is gonna come along and sweep her away anyway?” He finally sighed, pouting at his drink on the bar.

Taylor’s expression melted, sympathy shining through his dark blue eyes as he set his hand on Craig’s arm. Craig couldn’t feel him physically, but his arm warmed all the same; and he couldn’t help but feel cheered that Taylor was there, even if it was just a hallucination. “Hey,” he murmured, watching Zahra laugh at something the too friendly helper guy had said. “Do you think she’ll remember me?” He asked, blinking as he turned to look at Taylor.

Taylor drew in a deep breath, his chest rising and falling slowly with the silent motion. He paused, and then nodded, his expression sad and concerned. Craig nodded slowly, accepting the redhead’s answer and trying to comfort himself that although he may not be the one to hold her every night for the rest of her life, she might think of him. Now and then.

Taylor gestured hesitantly, and Craig shook his head slowly. “Ain’t no point letting her know… I don’t wanna push her into it. But when she asks to go,” he sighed, shrugging his huge shoulder heavily. “I won’t stop her from being happy.”

Taylor frowned, sitting back and seeming to tap his fingers against his arm. If he were a cat, Craig was certain he’d have been flicking his tail like they did when they were annoyed. “Chill brah, might not be for awhile yet, right?” He chuckled humourlessly, setting his drink down as the bottom of his stomach seemed to disappear.

Craig watched quietly as Zahra and her band mates finished the last of their prep, his heart touched by sadness and longing as he tried not to dwell on thoughts of the day she may not come home to him after such a gig.

He fought off the crippling sense of loss and desolation he felt creeping through him like tendrils of smoke. "Maybe she'd be better off without a loser like me, holding her back…" he muttered, wondering distantly if he should walk away now and spare them both the waiting. He pretended not to notice Taylor scowling at him for the comment.

At last music struck up, the band playing together in practice for the main event. Craig drew in a deep breath, willing himself to enjoy the show and forget about all the things which weighed so heavily on his heart. He listened as the sounds blended together, a quick tune which he vaguely recognised, tapping his fingers lightly on the bar as he kept the beat.

 _"Eight o'clock, Monday night and I'm waitin',"_ Craig's fingers paused, hovering midair over the bar when the lyrics to the song came not from Zahra or anywhere near the stage, but from Craig himself. " _To finally talk to a girl a little cooler than me."_ He turned an accusatory glare toward Taylor, who grinned innocently back at him and then shrugged with a guilty but silent snicker.

 _"Her name is Zahra, she's a rocker with three earrings,"_ Craig sighed, shrinking in on himself but ultimately resigning himself to his fate as Taylor watched him smugly. _"She wears a two-way… but I'm not quite sure what that means."_ He said, frowning and cocking his head curiously as Taylor silently cackled.

 _"And when she walks,"_ Craig breathed, looking over at Zahra longingly. " _All the wind blows and the angels sing!"_ He insisted, shaking his head and closing his eyes as his heart thudded heavily in his chest. _"But she'll never stay with me!"_

Craig smacked his palm to the top of the bar, scowling at his drink as if _it_ were to blame for his predicament. " _'Cause she is watchin' wrestling, creamin' over tough guys!"_ He barked roughly, grimacing as he shook his head slowly. " _Listenin' to death metal, turntables in her eyes!"_ He rolled his eyes, a small smile twitching at the corners of his lips as he thought of his girlfriends secret softer music, like the dirty dancing soundtrack she kept hidden under their bed.

 _"Jus' like a bad movie, she'll lookin' through me…"_ he sighed, running his hand over his hair in frustration. " _If you were me, then you'd be; screamin'_ **_Someone shoot me_ ** _!"_ He scowled, looking back at Zahra with his heart torn two ways as to how to proceed. " _As I fail miserably… tryin' to keep the girl all the bad guys want."_ He shook his head in exasperation, glancing at Taylor as he wiggled on his seat without shame, grinning unrepentantly.

 _"She's the girl all the bad guys want!"_ He repeated, turning back to the bar and glowering down at his drink sourly.

 _"She likes the godsmack and I like agent orange,"_ he mumbled, rolling his eyes as a fond grin twitched at his lips. " _Her CD changer's full of singers that are mad at their dad…"_ he said, sighing as he turned his head toward Taylor, who was silently rocking out on his stool.

 _"She says she'd like to score some reefer and a forty…"_ he said, shaking his head slowly as he fingered his drink unenthusiastically. _"She'll never know that I'm the best that she'll ever have."_ Craig blinked at the words tumbling from his lips, his brow creasing as Taylor wiggled his eyebrows at him and winked.

 _"And when she walks… all the wind blows and the angels sing!"_ Craig swallowed heavily, his throat tightening as he curled his large hands on the top of the bar. _"She's never gonna miss me!"_

 _"'Cause she is watchin' wrestling, creamin' over tough guys!"_ He growled, narrowing his eyes as he caught his reflection in the mirror behind the bar, despising the weak and hopeless expression he wore. " _Listenin' to death metal, turntables in her eyes…"_ he murmured, searching his own eyes in the mirror for the answers to his numerous questions.

 _"She hates 'em with a mustache, hairy back, furry ass…_ " he snorted at the accuracy of the words, even though he knew they weren't in the song which he was stuck voicing. He ran his hand over his hair, catching a glimpse of his on stage girlfriend in the mirror, as his heart thudded unevenly. _"Drivin' in some hippie van... does it even make a man?"_

Craig shook his head, looking back at Taylor with a frustrated grimace. " _Jus' like a bad movie… she'll be lookin' through me,_ " he said, certain of his future heartbreak, even as doubt and uncertainty nibbled at him. " _If you were me, then you'd be; screamin'_ **_Someone shoot me_ ** _!"_ He said, gesturing roughly toward Taylor as his silent friend merely rolled his eyes and laughed. " _As I fail miserably… tryin' to keep the girl all the bad guys want!"_ Craig sighed, turning to reluctantly watch the 'helpful' stage guy slip slightly closer to Zahra.

He narrowed his eyes, his hand balling into a fist as Taylor cocked his head and raised an eyebrow, jerking his thumb towards Zahra questioningly. " _She's the girl all the bad guys want…"_ Craig murmured, knowing he more than merely _wanted_ her himself. " _She's the girl all the bad guys want…"_ he repeated, rising to his feet as Zahra scowled at the other guys hand on her elbow. " _She's the girl all the bad guys want!"_

Craig watched as Zahra began to argue with the guy, obviously irritated by something he'd said or done. Logically Craig knew his girlfriend was more than capable of taking care of herself; she certainly didn't _need_ his help to get rid of the creep… but nonetheless he found his feet carrying him slowly toward the stage.

" _There she goes again, no fishnets on… mohawk growin' out."_ Craig muttered darkly, reaching the stage just as Zahra swore and drew her fist back and stepping between her and the stage 'helper'. He gripped the front of the guys shirt in one large hand, tugging him off his feet as he leaned closer. _"I'll break your face, you'll need to be sedated…"_ he threatened lowly, setting the guy back on his feet and shoving him away, turning to face Zahra when he felt her hand on his arm. _"All I want now is to see her naked!"_

Zahra blinked in surprise, taken aback by his comment, before she snorted and flashed him a crooked grin.

 _"Now I am watchin' wrestling… tryin' to be a tough guy,"_ Craig sang lowly, as Zahra folded into his arms; blissfully unaware of the ache in his heart as he tried to mask his feelings again. " _Listenin' to death metal, turntables in my eyes."_ He said, as Zahra watched him intently, her amusement fading as some suspicion crept into her eyes. " _I won't grow no mustache… and I ain't got no furry ass… all I got's my charger, charger, charger…"_

Craig glanced around as the band kicked up the music even louder, feeling heat in his cheeks as the drummer winked at him and the guitarist all out grinned. _Jus' like a bad movie… she'll be lookin' through me,"_ he said, trying to avoid Zahra's gaze as her expression flooded with understanding. " _If you were me, then you'd be, screamin'_ **_Someone shoot me_ ** _!"_ He said, looking around the bar and spotting Taylor stood on a nearby table, throwing himself into a soundless, headbanging mosh pit for one. " _As I fail miserably, tryin' to keep the girl all the bad guys want…"_ he sang lowly, unable to keep the grin from his face as Taylor threw his hands up in a silent cheer and smirked as he made finger guns at him.

 _"'Cause she's the girl all the bad guys want!"_ Craig said, flinching when Zahra's hand smacked him around his ear. " _'Cause she's the girl all the bad guys want!"_ He chanted, rubbing the spot gingerly as his girlfriend scowled at him knowingly, seeming to have worked out his fears. " _'Cause she's the girl all the bad guys want!"_ He repeated, shrugging his shoulder guiltily as Zahra rolled her eyes and sighed, moulding herself tighter against him as he wrapped his arms around her; closing his eyes as she cradled his face between her palms and mashed her lips to his in a hard and demanding kiss.

Craig felt his heart lift, unable to deny the passion and desire in Zahra's kiss, soothing his raw nerves and the rough edges of his fears. When at last she released him, Zahra knocked her forehead to his, wincing at the loud crack of their skulls meeting. "I always forget how hard your thick head is…" she huffed, catching her breath after their passionate kiss.

Craig chuckled quietly, grinning lopsidedly at her. "My B." He snickered, as Zahra rolled her eyes and drew back to look at him.

"Doofus," she said firmly. "I thought you knew I was a lifer." She snarked, swatting his arm for good measure.

Craig swore he felt his heart stop. He was about to reach up and clutch his chest, when it began beating at a rapid sprint, as if he'd just played the most intense game of his life. "For real?" He breathed, as Zahra snorted and rolled her eyes.

"I don't joke about my man." She said, grinning as Craig eagerly pressed his lips back to hers.

He released her only when the band began catcalling and wolf whistling, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly as he took a half step back. He noticed Taylor, stood just behind Zahra's shoulder. The redhead grinned, holding out his fist expectantly.

"Heh," Craig grinned broadly, reaching with his own fist to knock it against Taylor's; careful not to actually touch him or go through him. "Thanks, brah…" he murmured, low enough the others in the band wouldn't hear.

Zahra cocked a brow, glancing at his hand thoughtfully. "Taylor?" She asked, as Craig's eyes slid back to hers.

"Taylor." He confirmed warmly, looking back to find his fist hanging alone in midair; and no further sign of the redhead. "Miss you, dude."

"We all do." Zahra said, pressing her hand to Craig's chest. "But we all remember him, here." She said, her expression souring with distaste. "And if you ever tell anyone I said that-" she threatened, leaving the rest of her sentence unspoken.

"Heh, no fear, Z." Craig huffed, curling his arm tighter around her waist and swaying her gently. "So… y'all need a new security guy for your show?" He offered.

Zahra laughed, and Craig felt a contentment slip over him, a joy which his fear had blocked him from previously feeling. He smiled, enjoying their closeness and for once not worrying about the future. He trusted Zahra to know her own mind, and if she knew she wasn't going to give him up; he knew the fear had no reason to return.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song; The Girl All The Bad Guys Want - Bowling For Soup
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VGRxmYXi4Io


	7. Call Me When You're Sober

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not gonna lie, by this point I think I'm mostly making a mess
> 
> But I hope you can get some enjoyment from it; because i dont wanna waste it
> 
> x My love to you all x

**Call Me When You’re Sober**

Grace hummed to herself as she made the bed, smiling as she planned her evening with her boyfriend, Aleister Rourke. 

Nervous butterflies danced in her stomach, her heart seeming to jump periodically into her throat as she tried to envision the scenario. She couldn't decide whether she should ask him as soon as he arrived, if she should wait until after they had eaten; or even if she should just wait until he was about to leave and then just, blurt it out.

"Aleister… stay the night, please?" She murmured to herself, practicing the line again. She'd lost count of how many times she had repeated the five words through the day, each time she felt like her nerves would consume her, that come the actual delivery time; she would chicken out, like she had all the other times before.

"Oh gosh, what if he says no?" She worried, smoothing out the covers and stepping back, running her hands through her long curls nervously. "What if he says _yes_ ?" She gasped, her eyes widening as she stumbled into her bathroom and fumbled in her cupboard to find her brown paper bag. She grasped it tightly and held it over her mouth as she took several deep breaths, closing her eyes as she tried to remind herself she _wanted_ him to say yes; to stay with her through the night. 

To take her virginity.

Grace knew that she was ready. She could feel that this was the next logical step for their relationship; and she knew she wanted it to be soon. She had taken the first steps over a month ago, inviting Michelle over for an involved discussion about just what she should expect. She’d been hesitant to ask, holding off for some time after learning of her friend’s current relationship troubles, but Michelle had assured her that her desire to help her friend far outweighed any sadness she felt about her own situation. With her curiosity satisfied, to the best of Michelle’s abilities, Grace knew in her heart that she was ready. The only problem now; was finding a time when Aleister wasn’t overwhelmed with work and when her nerves didn’t get the better of her.

There had been seventeen evenings since her talk with Michelle, that Grace and Aleister were supposed to meet and spend the evening together. Of those seventeen, only five had actually occurred; Aleister having to cancel at the last moment due to an unexpected development in his father’s former company or a board meeting that ran over. Grace was as understanding as she could be, but there had come a point that she needed to put her foot down. Their argument had been spectacular, lasting for over an hour, but Aleister had eventually conceded that he would make more of an effort to keep his promises and not leave her unknowingly waiting for him when he had no chance of showing.

Which meant that tonight would be their first night together in quite some time; and Grace wanted it to be _the_ night.

Grace sucked in a deep breath, holding it as she slowly lowered the paper bag with a trembling hand. She exhaled slowly, counting to ten in her head before stowing the bag away and making her way back to the bedroom. She say on the edge of the bed without thinking, not caring about the just made sheets as she looked around and felt warmth touch her cheeks. Would everything still feel the same tomorrow?

She bit her lip and shivered, uncertain but excited all the same. With a small hum she rose to her feet and strolled through to her living room, scrutinising the scene for anything which might be too much or generally out of place.

Her first painting hung on the wall, her shelves bowing under the weight of all the books stacked upon them. Family photos were dotted around the various surfaces, while a large photo had been blown up and hung in the centre of the main wall. She smiled, walking over and touching her fingers to the protective glass fondly. "Wish me luck." She whispered to a smiling redhead.

A pang struck her heart, longing to see the redhead in the flesh as he had been; full of love, life, friendship and support for them all. She only wished she could have been half the friend that he had been. "No peeking!" She giggled, blushing as she imagined the redhead's playful response.

With a sigh she moved on to the kitchen, checking the cake she was baking had risen properly and not burnt. She knew Aleister had a notorious sweet tooth; and enjoyed making lavish deserts to surprise and please him. She saw the golden top of the cake through the glass and smiled, finding her oven gloves and quickly removing the cake before it over cooked, switching off the oven as she carried it across the room and carefully removed the tin; setting it on a cooling rack.

"Just right," she said happily, moving away to wash up her tin and double check the table she'd decorated with some small snowdrops. "Okay then… everything is set." She said, smoothing down the front of her dress nervously. "I suppose I _could_ use some fresh strawberries to go with the cake though…" she mused, tapping the tips of her fingers together. She glanced at the clock. "I still have an hour, I can just go get some at the market." She decided, too restless to sit in the apartment and wait.

Grace grabbed her purse and phone, slipping into her shoes and hurrying out the door. "I could get some of those fresh raspberries that Aleister likes too…" she said thoughtfully, a bounce in her step as she trotted eagerly down the stairs and out into the sunshine outside. She smiled as the sun warmed her face, walking briskly down the street towards the small market at the riverside, barely half a block from her apartment.

Once she reached the quaint market, she found some fresh strawberries, raspberries and a passion-fruit; a perfect blend of fruits to accompany her freshly baked cake. She had just paid, when her phone rang. "Oh, excuse me… and thank you!" She said, smiling as she gathered her bag of fruits and ducked away, pulling her phone from her pocket and lodging it between her shoulder and her ear, as she shuffled her things to slip her purse back into her pocket.

"Hello?" She answered cheerfully, pausing at a crossing and waiting for the green light.

"Grace," Aleister's voice sent a thrill of anticipation through her, her heart racing as her thoughts eagerly skipped ahead to their evening.

"Aleister!" She greeted warmly, stepping back from the crossing as her attention inevitably wained. She smiled as she walked lazily along the river front, only barely noticing where her feet took her. "I hope you're hungry, I've made all your favourites!"

Aleister coughed awkwardly, his lack of an immediate, warm response causing Grace's happy bubble to shrink; her feet slowing on the path. "Ah, yes… I am rather famished, I admit." He said, as Grace frowned and came to a halt on the riverbank. "But… uh, I… well, I am afraid… regrettably, I must-"

"Aleister you _promised_ ." Grace interrupted firmly, her heart racing for an entirely _different_ reason from before. "You promised me you wouldn't cancel again!"

"Grace, please understand; I can't help that these matters arise and if I am to keep the business afloat, I must be here to correct my father's mistakes…" Aleister explained, as reasonably as he could. "The responsibility of what he did, not only to us but also to others; rests on _my_ shoulders. I _am_ sorry, Grace…" 

Grace drew in a deep breath and sighed tiredly, her heart sinking with disappointment. "Well, I suppose one of the reasons I love you is because you're so… responsible." She tried to force a quiet giggle, shaking her head sadly, even as she tried to keep her tone cheerful and optimistic. "I guess the cake won't quite be fresh tomorrow, but it's not like it will be totally spoiled, so…" she trailed off in her musings, when Aleister remained noticeably silent. "Aleister..?"

"Ahem, ah… well, Grace," he coughed guiltily, as Grace felt her heart crash through the bottom of her stomach, her entire body sagging with the immediate flux of disappointment and the irrational sense of abandonment. "I'm afraid this particular issue is likely to, uh… take some time to fully navigate, it's a rather finesse-"

"You're not coming tomorrow either." Grace said flatly, swallowing heavily as grief and loss pierced her like a knife. "Probably not even the rest of this week, right?" She sniffed, trying hard to hold back her tears of frustration and hurt.

"Grace, I desperately wish-" Aleister began, his tone remorseful and apologetic. But his regret only served to fuel Grace's temper, her sadness flipped like a pancake; and quite abruptly, she found that she was furious.

"Save it, Aleister." She bit out, shaking her head as she scowled at the riverbank. "If I meant anything at all to you, you would take one goddamn night to be with me. You would have appointed _someone_ to stand in for you if there was an emergency like this… it's not _that_ impossible for you to take _one_ night off, especially one that I'd made plans for!"

"Please, Grace," Aleister protested. "I _do_ promise to see you as soon as physically possible, but I'm afraid that at present your plans will have to go ahead sans myself…"

"Maybe I should find someone else to fill your role in my plans then," Grace snarked. "Seeing as they were _specific_ plans, involving _two people_ and the _development of their relationship_ !" She fumed, as Aleister lapsed into a stunned silence. She took a deep breath, hardening her heart as she continued harshly. "Clearly, you're not ready… or just _unwilling_ , to take that next step with me. So perhaps we should just stop trying to pretend that this, that _we_ … were ever anything more than just, a pretty island dream." She said, swallowing heavily as her heart turned to lead.

"Grace…" Aleister implored, "I had no idea, I'm so sorry; had I known you thought our relationship was so… advanced, I would have-"

"Aleister, you've had ample chances to take one night for _us_." Grace replied quietly, her temper hovering dangerously, simmering in the back of her mind. "I don't believe you have any intention of making time for us… or that you ever will." She said, pausing as a thick silence passed between them. Grace grimaced, gripping her phone tightly as she closed her eyes. "Good _bye_ , Aleister."

Grace hung up the phone before he could reply, sucking in a desperate gasp of air as her temper fluctuated wildly; her body quivering with hot flushes and cold shivers. "Oh… _bloody fiddlesticks!"_ She exploded, stuffing her phone in her pocket and stomping along the riverbank.

Grace had no destination in mind, only needing to move, to fuel her fury rather than let it simmer and fade to guilt. She knew she’d been harsh, she knew she had been unfair to end things so abruptly; and without even seeing him in person… but in the heartbeat after his confession, Grace had seen their entire future play out. Promise after promise, broken even before he’d finished spewing them. His love for his company, like his father’s before him; would forever dwarf his love for her, until there was nothing left between them at all.

Better to end it now, before they ruined all hope of salvaging their friendship at least. Grace sighed as she walked along the riverbank, slowing as the edge of her temper eased slightly. “So much for taking the next step…” she whispered, shaking her head as she turned to look out across the water; and promptly gave a shriek of surprise. “ _Ah!_ ”

Taylor raised both hands placatingly, an apologetic smile on his face and a deep sadness resonating in his deep blue eyes. “Oh… Michelle said she saw you.” Grace said, continuing on her aimless walk as Taylor fell into step easily beside her. “Diego too, not that anyone believed him at the time. I’m assuming we’re all having hallucinations, inspired by our feelings of loneliness and loss.” She explained as they walked, as Taylor’s lips twitched with amusement.

Grace glanced across at him, watching him as they walked. Taylor seemed as he always had, calm, collected… a beacon of hope and determination. “I suppose you think I was too hard on him?” She asked quietly. Taylor wrinkled his nose and shook his head, lifting both hands and making a circle with his forefinger and thumb on one hand; before jamming his opposing forefinger through the middle and smirking. 

Grace frowned, confused by the gesture at first; and then broke into a fit of giggles as she realised his insinuations. “Oh, _behave…_ ” she giggled, looking over at him fondly as he snickered silently and lowered his hands. Grace hummed thoughtfully, shaking her head as Taylor grinned at her lazily. "You always did tell him he had too big of a stick up his ass…" she mused, laughing quietly when Taylor raised a brow and jabbing his finger at his chest proudly. "Yes… and that you would know best about having things up asses." She giggled, rolling her eyes at his ridiculously smug grin.

Taylor examined her thoughtfully as they walked, gesturing towards her with his chin. "Hmm? Oh," she huffed, smiling at him warmly. "Yes, I wouldn't have even got the words out without blushing before… but I've changed. We all have." She said, averting her eyes to look across the river sadly. "Not all of us for the better." She sighed, looking back at Taylor with a wan smile, as he shook his head sadly.

"He isn't the only one to blame here." Grace said, shrugging a shoulder dismissively. "I’ve let him slip, let him slide into business mode, just like his father… well, hopefully with less of a homicidal, maniacal, world domination kind of way." She added, drawing in a deep breath and exhaling slowly. "I suppose I kept putting myself in his shoes, thinking how I would feel if my mother had done what Rourke did…"

Taylor frowned, spreading his palms in obvious query.

Grace sighed. "What changed is that I started thinking of the 'would of felt' scenarios, and started thinking about the 'what I feel now' scenarios." She said, biting her lip and lowering her eyes as Taylor grinned and wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. "Heh, exactly." She giggled.

She walked in silence for a time, until she noticed Taylor had come to a halt a short distance behind her. "Taylor?" She called, frowning as she walked back to him. "What on earth..?" She murmured, as Taylor grinned lopsidedly and closed his eyes. Grace tilted her head, curious by her hallucinations behaviour. She watched as he drew in a deep breath, held it; and then exhaled slowly, repeating the process a few times, before opening his eyes and looking at Grace expectantly.

Grace raised a brow, her eyes flicking over Taylor thoughtfully. “I don’t think a few deep breaths are going to make me feel any better, Taylor.” She said, cottoning on to his meaning. Taylor rolled his eyes and pouted at her, folding his arms over his chest stubbornly. “Urgh, fine…” she huffed, shaking her head and turning to stare out across the water. She sucked in an exaggeratedly deep breath, holding it for three entire seconds, before exhaling slowly. “See?” She demanded, as Taylor rolled his eyes again and gestured for her to repeat the process.

Grace couldn’t help but giggle at his obvious exasperation, but she continued to follow his advice, inhaling and exhaling deeply and slowly; clearing her mind and her heart as she thought only about the air which passed through her lungs and the sun on her face.

Time seemed infinite as she focused only on her breathing, so she was surprised by a voice calling to her urgently, her eyes blinking open as she turned to stare at the approaching figure uncomprehendingly. 

“Grace! Thank heavens I found you,” Aleister panted, rushing up the bank, his car parked a short ways up the road with his door still open. “Grace, are you alright?” He asked, as Grace blinked and shook herself, trying to regain her equilibrium and hold onto her newfound calm… but the sight of the concern on Aleister’s face was lighting the frayed ends of her temper once more.

“What are you doing here?” She asked, lifting her hand to her brow and trying to calm herself, pushing hard at the fire which licked at the edge of her thoughts. “I was under the impression you were _busy_ for the perceivable future…”

Aleister flinched, his hand hovering in the air where he had been reaching for her. “Grace, I… cannot apologise enough.” He said, bowing his head regretfully. “I should not have let myself get so buried beneath the company that every problem which arose seemed like it needed my personal attention.” He said, shaking his head as he gazed at her imploringly. “Please, find it in your heart to forgive me? I promise, I _will_ make our time together my priority-”

“You already promised that,” Grace interrupted, scowling up at him crossly. “It’s a promise you can’t keep, and you know it. You’re turning into your father, Aleister. A work obsessed machine, with no care for those he leaves in his wake… drunk on the power of your success.”

Aleister recoiled as if she’d struck him, but Grace was distracted by Taylor circling around the pale man, an amused grin on his face as he came to a halt behind the man and pointed to his ass, miming a sweeping motion and then ramming it upward suddenly. Grace couldn’t help but laugh at the clear insinuation.

“Grace, really…” Aleister scolded reproachfully, recovering himself with a frown. “I hardly believe this is a time for such juvenile behaviour and name calling. You’re really prepared to throw everything we have away?” He asked, fidgeting with discomfort at the thought.

Grace felt the fire of her temper fizzle through her veins, her heart lurching at the thought. Of course it wasn’t what she wanted, but what choice did she have left at this point? Should she stay, a forgotten housewife, with no love in her life? Living out her days in a cold house, sleeping in a cold bed? She exhaled a deep breath, narrowing her eyes as she held herself tall and jabbed Aleister in the chest with her finger.

 _“Don't cry to me, if you loved me… you would be here with me!”_ Grace said firmly, as Aleister blinked in surprise and took a step back. “ _You want me? C_ _ome find me!"_ She demanded, looking at him coldly as she stepped up beside him, fierce despite their height difference. _“Make up your mind!”_

Grace tossed her curls over her shoulder, her back ramrod straight as she shouldered past Aleister and began walking back up the path to her apartment, her lips twitching as Taylor waved his arms and danced backward on the path ahead of her, his eyes bright with excitement as he cheered for her silently.

 _“Should I let you fall, lose it all…?”_ Grace wondered to herself as she strode away confidently, vaguely aware of Aleister hurrying to catch up with her. “ _So maybe you can remember yourself?”_ She shook her head, scowling at Aleister when he reached for her elbow and prevented her from continuing her march home. “ _Can't keep believing, we're only deceiving ourselves; and I'm sick of the lie!”_ She yelled at him, her heart aching as he released her and stepped back in shock. 

Grace shook her head sadly, looking at Aleister tiredly. “ _And you're too late…”_ she all but whispered, turning away with a sigh and resuming her brisk pace. 

_“Don't cry to me, if you loved me… you would be here with me!”_ She scoffed, shaking her head as Taylor sneered at Aleister playfully, wrinkling his nose in a feigned sneer. “ _You want me? Come find me! Make up your mind!_ ” She huffed, strolling up to her apartment and brushing straight through the main entrance.

Aleister hurried along behind her, his eyes wide in disbelief as he stammered and tried to protest her words. “Grace, please; don’t let’s be rash… let’s talk about this like rational adults!” He pleaded. “I admit I’ve put work and the company first too many times, but I must clean up the mess which my father has left behind! I am responsible by default, it falls to me to-”

 _“Couldn't take the blame, sick with shame,”_ Grace sighed, talking over Aleister’s ramblings as she moved through the lobby to the stairs. “ _Must be exhausting to lose your own game.”_ She scoffed, shaking her head irritably. “ _Selfishly hated, no wonder you're jaded; you can't play the victim this time!”_ She cried, turning around to face him from the top of the first stairway, shoving at his shoulder as her eyes stung with tears of frustration. 

She drew her hand back, stepping away from him as she tried to force her heart to harden. “ _And you're too late…”_ she said with forced indifference. Grace turned, continuing up the stairs as Aleister hesitated, rooted to the spot briefly in his shock.

 _“Don't cry to me, if you loved me… you would be here with me!”_ She called over her shoulder, stalking up the stairs with determination. Taylor stood at the top, waiting for her with a grin. “ _You want me? Come find me!_ ” She cried, turning as she reached Taylor to peer back at Aleister at the bottom. “ _Make up your mind!”_

Grace shook her head, heading down the hall to her apartment and flinging it open carelessly. “ _You never call me when you're sober!”_ She sang, tossing her keys on the side without looking and stomping through to her kitchen, dumping her slightly squished fruit on the side. “ _You only want it 'cause it's over…”_ She said, watching as Aleister hesitantly followed her into the apartment.

 _“How could I... have burned paradise?”_ Grace asked, swallowing heavily as she looked over Aleister’s shoulder, watching Taylor walk over to her blown up photo on the wall; his eyes roving over the smiling faces almost longingly. “ _How could I?”_ she repeated, gazing at all of their faces; save Aleister’s. He’d missed the photo opportunity, arriving moments later to announce the end of the world as they knew it. She closed her eyes, her arms curling around her chest tightly. “ _You were never mine!”_

“Grace..!” Aleister protested, reaching for her as Grace slipped past him, shaking her head as she stalked through the living room.

 _“So don't cry to me!”_ Grace called back to him, wiping her eyes as her heart throbbed painfully in her chest. _“If you loved me… you would be here with me!”_ She cried, glancing at Taylor as he smiled at her from the doorway to her bedroom. “ _Don't lie to me,”_ she said, her lip trembling as as she turned to face Aleister. _“Just get your things…”_ she sniffed, folding her arms over her chest as she lowered her eyes to the floor. “ _I've made up your mind..!”_

Silence hung heavily in the air, broken several tense seconds later by Aleister’s soft steps. Grace closed her eyes, expecting Aleister to leave; but she was surprised when his arms folded around her instead.

“Grace,” he whispered into her curls. “There is not a force on this earth, which could convince me to walk away from you. Not in this life, nor any other…” he said, his lips brushing gently at her brow. “I… I am, beyond sorry. I never meant to let things get so… so fraught, between us. I’ll appoint someone first thing, to handle anything that doesn’t specifically require my attention. A personal assistant, so to speak.”

Grace swallowed thickly, shaking her head even as she leaned into his embrace. “It won’t last, Aleister…” she sniffed quietly. “You care too much, you feel you’re responsible for your fathers mistakes. That won’t chang-”

“It _will.”_ Aleister insisted firmly, cupping Grace’s face and trying to catch her eyes. “Starting this very second.” He added, sweeping his thumbs under her eyes and wiping away the stray tears which tried to fall. “I would never trade you for anything, Grace… my life is void, without your presence in it. I want us to move forward, together; whenever you’re ready.” 

Grace drew in a deep breath, shivering as she glanced around the bedroom, though there was no sign of Taylor anywhere. Should she take the chance on their relationship, or walk away now; to prevent the possibility of heartache later? Should she be brave, or admit defeat and remain a coward forever?

She swallowed heavily, peeking up at Aleister from beneath her lashes as her heart leapt into her throat. “And…” she began, biting her lip as she hesitated. At the familiar gentle patience and determination in Aleister’s piercing eyes however, her uncertainty melted, replaced by a hunger and a warmth which spread through her veins like fire. “If I said… I was ready _now?_ ” She asked, reaching up and curling her fingers into his shirt collar slowly.

Aleister visibly swallowed, his eyes searching hers for a long, intense pause. “In that case,” he said slowly, his lips curving into a small smile. “I would have to…” he murmured, leaning down to close the distance between them.

Grace’s breath caught as Aleister’s lips met hers, his intentions and his resolve evident in the gentle but insistent kiss with which he slowly stole her breath. As he drew her closer, folding himself around her and lowering them both to the bed, Grace felt her heart throb with a _rightness;_ positive that she’d made the right choice, and that their future truly began right there.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song; Call Me When You're Sober - Evanescence
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_RrA-R5VHQs


	8. Every Little Thing She Does (Is Magic)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm... I don't even know - it's done but it's not good. sorry
> 
> x My love to you all x

**Every Little Thing She Does (Is Magic)**

Aleister sighed, running his hand over his immaculate hair nervously. He checked his reflection in the mirror again, frowning as he examined himself from every angle.

“Stop worrying yourself,” Grace soothed softly, smiling as she nudged him away from the bedroom dresser mirror. “You look perfect, Aleister. Stop fussing.”

“Yes, well...” Aleister mumbled. “I still say I am undeserving of something so... heartfelt.” He sneered, his heart thudding wildly in his chest.

“Aleister, you’ve been awarded this because of all the hard work you’ve put in since you stepped into your father’s shoes; putting right his wrongs,” Grace countered, helping him into his jacket and tugging him closer by his jacket lapels. “And _without_ neglecting your family.” She added, grinning brightly. “You deserve this.”

“You always think far too highly of me...” Aleister sighed, though he was unable to keep the smile from his face. “I hardly deserve _you,_ let alone this… award.” He said, shaking his head. “And that fact is proven by just how close I came to losing you, as little as a month ag-”

“We’re not talking about that.” Grace said firmly, brushing off Aleister’s jacket and standing on her tiptoes to kiss his cheek, before walking away with a toss of her growing curls over her shoulder.

Aleister chuckled quietly. "Yes, dear." He watched her move gracefully from the bedroom, sighing contentedly as he smiled after her. When he was certain she wasn’t about to return, he discreetly stepped back to the dresser which had been designated as his, rummaging through the top drawer and plucking out a small box from underneath a small stash of his jumpers. He swallowed thickly, his fingers trembling as he pulled the box lid up and stared at the delicate silver ring within; adorned by a single, gleaming diamond.

“Aleister,” Grace’s voice calling from the living room almost made him drop the box and ring together, barely catching them and snapping the lid shut, hiding it behind his back as he whirled to face the doorway, just as Grace poked her head in the room with a curious frown. “Are you coming, or not?” She asked, raising a brow at his evidently guilty stance.

“Uh, of course.” Aleister coughed, forcing a small smile and crossing the room swiftly, extending his free arm to her while discreetly tucking the ring box into his jacket pocket. “The sooner we get this ridiculous affair over with, the sooner I can enjoy my evening with the most magnificent woman known to man.

Grace blushed, swatting his arm playfully. “Oh, you…” she giggled, allowing him to lead her out of the apartment and to the elevator. They rode down in a companionable quiet, eyes only on each other until the doors pinged open and they stepped out into the lobby.

Aleister's heart was in his throat as he walked Grace through the main entrance and opened the passenger door of his car, his palms clammy as she slipped into the seat with a smile before he closed the door after her and then circled around the car to slip into the driver's seat.

He glanced at Grace as he buckled his seat belt and started the engine, smiling as her hand reached over to squeeze his arm reassuringly. "Relax, Aleister…" she repeated, shaking her head at him fondly as he cleared his throat and checked his mirrors, before pulling out into the relatively quiet road. "Honestly, you should be used to all this by now… you've worked hard to make this work. You're more than owed a little recognition for learning to juggle work and family." 

Aleister forced a small chuckle, unable to force the words from his mouth that his nerves came not from the evening's ridiculous event, but merely from the desire to take the next step in their relationship. The next, _big_ step. He just wasn't sure Grace was going to feel so ready as he did.

He'd been in awe upon her revelation of her trust in him, to cement their relationship via intimacy… but _marriage_ was a whole other ball game; and just because he'd come to realise how desperately he needed her in his life, did not mean that she might necessarily feel the same. Hearing the word goodbye from her, well; Aleister didn't like to guess what it might do to him. Once was bad enough, he had no wish to repeat the experience.

But every time he had planned to propose over the past month, this is what he found himself thinking. It was absurd, he knew. They'd exchanged _I love you's_ several times now; and they'd barely been able to keep their hands from each other, now they'd given in to the raw passion of intimacy together. And yet…

Aleister took a deep breath, clearing his throat as he tried to calm the butterflies dancing in his stomach. "Uh, Grace…" he began, licking his lips and swallowing thickly. "I wished to, well, I mean… I was wondering if I could ask you something?"

"Well, whatever it is will have to wait until we get home, Aleister." Grace giggled fondly. "You've been daydreaming all the way here." She laughed quietly, as Aleister blinked and looked around, his pale cheeks flushing with pink guiltily.

"Ah," he coughed, nodding as he indicated and turned into the parking lot beside the town hall; the venue for their evening. "Until later, then." He said, flashing her a thin smile as he found a parking space and slid in easily, turning off the engine and inhaling deeply.

"Look forward to it." Grace giggled, kissing his cheek before hopping out the car before he could swing around to open the door for her. 

Aleister chuckled as he climbed out himself, circling around the back of the car and offering her his arm. "Shall we, then?" He sighed forlornly, as Grace laughed and swatted his shoulder playfully, though she slid her arm through his.

He led them into the building, smiling and shaking hands as people greeted them and welcomed them. "Ah, sir!" A young girl said as she approached, steering Aleister and Grace away from the gathered crowds and into the main hall, directing them toward a table in the centre of the room, right in front of the stage. "Good to see you, sir… the event can get underway now. I'll make sure to let everyone know, sir." She rattled quickly.

"Gwen, I've said you needn't call me sir. Mister Rourke, or Aleister, is quite enough." Aleister said, rolling his eyes discreetly.

"Of course, sir." Gwen agreed distractedly. "Ma'am," she added to Grace, indicating their seats, before disappearing with a quick click of her heels.

"She's… professional." Grace giggled quietly, taking her seat. 

Aleister snorted quietly, rolling his eyes at the understatement. “She’s more uptight than even I am,” he said, his lips twitching with amusement as Grace laughed at his self-teasing. “Now, let me see about acquiring refreshments for us. Heavens knows how long we shall be forced to endure this-”

“Aleister…” Grace warned firmly, as Aleister sighed and rolled his eyes again.

“... charming evening, they’ve put together.” He said, clearing his throat before dipping to kiss her cheek briefly. “I’ll be but a moment.” He promised, moving away to a small bar where drinks were being served.

“How can I help, sir?” The bartender asked, his hands busy along the bar even as he smiled welcomingly at Aleister.

“I would like two of your finest cocktails, if you would.” Aleister replied, his lips twitching fondly. “A Tequila Sunrise and a Frostbite, please.” He requested, smiling faintly as the barman nodded and set about mixing the concoctions. Perhaps it was foolish, childish even; to use the signature drinks which Raj had once made for them, when they'd been stranded on a beautiful, dangerous island… but it helped him to feel closer to the group of friends they shared. To the one friend, whom they had _all_ lost.

Aleister sighed, leaning on the edge of the bar as he dipped his hand into his pocket, drawing out the small box and gazing at it distantly. "What to do…" he murmured, shaking his head as he slowly opened the lid. He stared at the ring within, which suddenly seemed a far too poor show of his affections. "Perhaps, I should… postpone for a time. Look into some more appropriate-"

"Your drinks, sir." The bartender interrupted Aleister's thoughts, his fingers quickly snapping the box shut as he looked up in surprise.

"Oh, ah, yes... well thank-" he began, pausing as his eyes darted to the figure beside the bartender, his arms crossed over his chest as he pouted at Aleister sulkily. "Wha-? Ahem…" he stammered, pausing to clear his throat as he stashed the ring box back into his pocket. "Uh, thank you." He said awkwardly, collecting both glasses with a polite nod and walking back to his table stiffly.

"Dearest," he said to Grace, setting down her drink before her. "I must just take a moment to mingle, a few greetings." He said, hoping she didn't notice the faint waver in his voice. "I'm sorry, but will you be alright a moment longer on your own? I will endeavour to be as brief as-"

"Oh, Aleister, stop worrying." Grace said, smiling as she eyed her drink fondly, clearly remembering it's significance for herself. "There's plenty of people here for me to talk to. Go; the sooner you do your mingling, the sooner you can come back." She giggled, taking his hand and squeezing it gently.

Aleister smiled. "Yes, dear." He said, before stalking away gracefully. He made brief, polite greetings as he passed those he knew, but did not stop until he'd reached his car in the parking lot. 

"Am I to assume your appearance means that I am imminently to have some sort of ridiculous breakdown?" He asked, turning to the sulking figure which had followed him.

Taylor stuck his tongue out childishly, scowling at Aleister reproachfully. He jabbed a finger at the pocket where Aleister had stored the ring. "That is nothing to do with you, you impudent little-" Aleister paused, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I refuse to partake of this foolishness. You are nothing more than a figment of my imagination, brought about by… my conflicted state of emotions, no doubt." He reasoned, running a hand over his immaculate hair. "If you'll excuse me, I have an award to claim." He sniffed, as Taylor rolled his eyes and feigned a large yawn.

Aleister scoffed, shaking his head. "Even in my own thoughts you're a fool." He said, turning back to the hall and stalking away. He was merely hallucinating, like Grace and Diego had… but that didn't mean he had to give in or play along with Taylor's idiotic display.

He paused before the main entrance, frowning at Taylor as he leaned against the wall and pouted at him, jabbing an accusatory finger at the hidden ring in his pocket once again. "Keep your… hallucinatory nose, out of my business." Aleister sneered, looking down his nose at Taylor as he made to brush past him; though he hesitated when his shoulder passed straight through the redhead's. He glanced at Taylor's face, his dark blue eyes seeming sad at the non-contact. "Uh… my apologies." Aleister murmured quietly, hovering indecisively for a moment, before continuing on his way back to Grace.

"Apologies for the delay," he said, his hand on her shoulder as he blinked at he faint hint of deja vu he felt. "I'll be sure not to leave your side again." He added, leaning to peck her on the cheek, before reaching for his drink and taking a considerable sip.

"Aleister, are you alright?" Grace asked, concern in her voice as she watched Aleister drain his glass quickly. "That would normally last you all evening…" she said, biting her lip as she steepled her fingers.

"Nerves find us all at the oddest of times, dear." He chuckled, gently sliding his hand between hers and squeezing one of them gently. "I'm quite perfect, as always, when I'm by your side."

Grace blinked at the sentiment, before giggling quietly. "Oh, you." She smiled, squeezing his hand back. She leaned closer, about to steal a kiss; when Gwen stepped up to a podium on a small stage behind them.

"Ladies and gentlemen, we would like to thank you for joining us this evening." She said formally, beaming a dazzling smile around the room. "If you could all take your seats, we shall begin our main event, so you may all enjoy the extraordinary efforts of our chefs." She said, pausing to allow the last few guests to take their seats; though Aleister was distracted by Taylor strolling idly around the back of the stage with an unimpressed expression.

"Now, as you are all aware," Gwen continued when they'd all taken their places. "We are here to acknowledge the achievements of an intelligent, admirable and brave man…" she said, though Aleister was unable to appreciate the flattery, too busy watching Taylor raise a brow and pointedly press his arm across his belly as he exaggerated his silent laughter.

"He is a man, who took control of a company his father built; turning it from a single minded business which didn't hesitate to squash all competition," Gwen went on, as Aleister scowled at his red-haired hallucination, who was fanning himself and wiping non-existent tears from his eyes. "A driven, capable, determined man. Never afraid of failure, for there has been nothing but success since he took the reigns…"

Aleister grit his teeth, his face warming with embarrassment, even though he knew nobody else present could see Taylor's current amusement over Gwen's speech. He narrowed his eyes at the redhead, cursing himself for being an emotional fool at such an inopportune time.

"Without further ado, I would like you all to raise your glasses," Gwen said proudly, beaming her sunny smile around the room. "To put your hands together, to give three cheers for the man of the hour, the man who has earned this Businessman Newcomer of the Year Award ten times over; Mister… Aleister Rourke!"

Aleister blinked, distracted from Taylor's silent chortling as his name was called just before a huge round of applause sounded through the hall. He cleared his throat and rose from his chair at Grace's insistent nudging, bending to kiss her cheek gently before approaching Gwen on the stage. "Thank you, Gwen. A far more uh, glowing introduction than I deserve, I'm sure." He chuckled, shaking her hand and accepting a small hunk of fancy cut glass with his other hand.

Gwen laughed and clapped with the audience as she stepped away, leaving Aleister alone at the small podium, facing the crowd before him. "Ah," he cleared his throat, gazing down at the award in his hand thoughtfully. “This is a…” he paused, drawing in a deep breath and looking out across the room slowly. “A great honour.”

He blinked, his eyes tightening as he caught sight of Taylor, prowling between the tables and pulling faces at peoples clothing or the drinks which sat on the table before them. “Uh, ahem…” he shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts of the redhead’s foolish behaviour and return his attention to the crowd which he needed to address. “I don’t profess to be even, _half_ as worthy of this award, as was made out… but I am humbled by it, nonetheless.” He said, forcing a thin lipped smile as Taylor glanced at him slyly and quirked a brow. “It’s true that a great deal of hard work has gone into reshaping the company which you used to know… the company which used to tread on those smaller and weaker, rather than help them to grow.”

Aleister looked around the room slowly, taking in the intent faces which were all focused on him. “Gwen was correct in that, it has been a long and involved process, reaching this point… but through hard work and determination, we have pushed through; and come out victorious." He said proudly, pausing when Taylor came to a halt. Just beside Grace.

Aleister swallowed thickly, his pulse spiking as his gaze flit between Taylor's taunting grin and Grace's soft smile. "I, uh…" he coughed, his cheeks warming as he met Grace's eyes; warm and full of love, trust and the obvious belief she had in him. "I've had to make some tough calls." He said in a rush, trapped within the depths of Grace's gaze, his heart leaping to obscure his throat. "There have been some things which I was prepared to sacrifice in this… re-modeling process," he said, licking his lips as his mouth turned dry. He barely noticed Taylor watching him intently, oddly serious for the first time since he'd appeared; as Aleister stared at Grace. "And some things which I was _not._ "

His heart melted at Grace's warm smile, his own lips twitching into a small smile in response. He took a deep breath, his eyes never leaving Grace as he felt a preternatural calm spread through him. “I cannot take all the credit for the things we have achieved,” Aleister said, licking his lips as he glanced around the room, noticing Taylor had stopped his antagonistic behaviour; and was smiling at him proudly, eagerly waving for him to continue. “I could not be here now, would not be the man I am today… if not for the encouragement and support of someone who, well, quite frankly; I could not imagine my life without.” He said, his heart sputtering in his chest as Taylor bit his lip and clutched his hands before him, watching Aleister with wide, encouraging eyes.

“Grace, I…” Aleister began, swallowing heavily as he paused, the words sticking in his throat like hard toffee. “I…” he tried again, to similar effect. He laughed awkwardly, clearing his throat as he glanced around the room. He caught Taylor’s eyes; and though the redhead was pouting, his lips were still curved into a semi-mischievous grin, as he winked and nodded, gesturing for Aleister to continue.

Aleister took a deep breath, exhaling slowly as he tried to organise what he wanted to say and find some kind of order to his chaotic thoughts. He opened his mouth hesitantly, hoping to finally articulate his thoughts; but what escaped him, was _not_ what he’d been intending to say. “ _Though I've tried before to tell her… of the feelings I have for her, in my heart…”_ he crooned in a low baritone, his eyes widening as he stared at Taylor in shock. “ _Every time that I come near her, I just lose my nerve… as I've done from the start!”_ He sang, his stare turning accusatory as Taylor winked again and placed his hands on his hips, gyrating lewdly as Aleister’s cheeks burned with embarrassment.

 _“Every little thing she does is magic! Everything she do, just turns me on!”_ Aleister said, glancing around the room nervously as he noticed guests beginning to whisper to one another about his display. “ _Even though my life before was tragic, now I know my love for her goes on…”_

Aleister scowled at Taylor, sensing the redheads interfering hands in his predicament. He recalled the day he’d almost lost Grace, of her heartache and turmoil, of all the things she hadn’t been able to voice herself… and suddenly, his situation took on a new light.

 _“Do I have to tell the story? Of a thousand rainy days, since we first met…”_ he said thoughtfully, standing a little straighter as he set the award down gently onto the podium. “ _It's a big enough umbrella… but it's always me that ends up getting wet!”_

Aleister hesitated, before stepping around the podium, smiling down at Grace warmly. “ _Every little thing she does is magic! Everything she do; just turns me on!”_ He sang, extending his hand towards her. “ _Even though my life before was tragic, now I know my love for her goes on…”_

Grace smiled shyly, biting her lip, before sliding her hand into Aleister’s. He helped her to the stage as she rose from her chair, lowering himself to on knee on the stage as Grace blinked in surprise. “ _I resolve to call her up... a thousand times a day,”_ Aleister crooned gently, smiling at Grace as his heart raced, pulling the ring box from his pocket and lifting the lid slowly. “ _And ask her if she'll marry me in some old fashioned way…_ ” he sang lowly, swallowing thickly as Grace gasped and her eyes watered. “ _But my silent fears have gripped me, long before I reach the phone,”_ he said, shaking his head regretfully at his cowardly behaviour. “ _Long before my tongue has tripped me… must I always be alone?”_ He wondered, gazing up at Grace imploringly.

Grace hesitated only the briefest of heartbeats, before nodding eagerly and holding out her hand expectantly. Aleister felt a tide of relief crash through him, practically giddy as he carefully plucked the ring from its box and onto her finger. “ _Every little thing she does is magic! Everything she do; just turns me on!”_ He cried, rushing to his feet and sweeping Grace up in his arms, twirling her around as she squealed and laughed happily. “ _Even though my life before was tragic! Now I know my love for her goes on!”_ He sang, setting Grace down gently and cradling her face in his palms, pressing his lips to hers in a gentle kiss.

Aleister was too restless to stand still, too giddy with euphoria at the fact he was _finally_ able to say that he was on the right path in his life. “ _Every little thing,”_ he murmured, sweeping Grace into a loose embrace and twirling her around the stage carefully. “ _Every little thing,”_ he repeated, his eyes locked with Grace’s as they waltzed around the stage. “ _Every little thing… every little thing!”_

Grace smiled, leaning her head on his shoulder as she whispered into his ear. “ _Every little… every little… every little!”_

Aleister laughed quietly, beaming down at her as she grinned back at him joyfully. “ _Every little thing she does!_ ” He cried, smiling as the two of them circled the stage without a thought for the crowd around them. “ _Every little thing she does… every little thing she does!_ ” He sang, his heart lighter in his chest than he remembered it being in weeks, months; since they’d left the island together, sans one of their dearest friends. “ _Every little thing she does… thing she does is magic!”_

Aleister twirled Grace around the stage again, finally drawing to a halt in the centre. “ _Every little thing… every little thing… every little thing she does is magic, magic, magic!”_ He cried breathlessly, smiling as Grace grinned and wiped beneath her eyes with a giggle _. “Magic, magic, magic!”_

Grace swatted his shoulder, but leaned into his embrace as he drew her close, burying his face in her curls. “ _Every little thing she does is magic, everything she do; just turns me on…”_ he whispered, closing his eyes as Grace shivered and sighed against him. “ _Even though my life before was tragic… now I know my love for her goes on.”_ He breathed as Grace drew back from him, his eyes peeling open just in time to see her stand up on her tiptoes and press her lips to his softly.

“I love you.” She whispered, as Aleister smiled, ignoring the burst of raucous applause which broke out from the audience.

“And I love you,” he replied warmly. He glanced over Grace’s shoulder as Taylor approached, smiling proudly as he winked at Aleister. “I suppose I owe you gratitude, even if your help comes at the cost of my reputation as a sane business man.” He snarked, as Taylor shrugged shamelessly.

Grace frowned briefly, before breaking into a wide grin. “You see him?” She whispered eagerly, her eyes shining with delight. 

“Yes, unfortunately.” Aleister snorted, though his lips twitched with amusement. He watched as Taylor stepped up behind Grace, his hand slipping around Grace’s front to rest over her stomach. Aleister swallowed thickly, looking up in surprise as Taylor grinned and held up his finger to his lips. An obvious gesture to keep the secret.

“What is it?” Grace asked curiously, her brow creasing at Aleister’s expression. “What is he doing?”

Aleister shook his head slowly, closing his eyes and holding his breath for an extended heartbeat. When he reopened his eyes, Taylor was gone; leaving him along with Grace. He smiled slowly, drawing Grace into a gentle embrace once more. “Nothing to worry about at all, dearest.” He said, his eyes watering as he turned his eyes to the ceiling and silently thanked his missing friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song; Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic - The Police
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aENX1Sf3fgQ


	9. I Want You Back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't like this one  
> Not gonna lie
> 
> Sorry - hope you can forgive me
> 
> x My love to you all x

**I Want You Back**

Sean tugged on his team jersey quietly, ignoring the raucous cheering and leering of his teammates around him. The locker room was always noisy before a big game, but Sean had found it had to join in the festivities, when his whole reason for being had walked out of his life.

And he let her.

The worst part was he couldn’t even blame her. Couldn’t say she hadn’t given him enough chances to change, to be there for her. But Sean hadn’t heeded the warnings, hadn’t _seen_ what she’d been trying to tell him.

He hadn’t made time for her; and so, she’d walked. He couldn’t say he wouldn’t have done the same in her position, had he been made to feel so insignificant in her life. 

Now he had to live with the regret, had to live with the knowledge that he’d dropped the ball. Had to live with the memory; of walking into an empty apartment and just _knowing_ that it had been one time too many.

Sean sighed, sitting heavily on the bench to slip on his shoes and tie his laces. He hoped he wouldn’t be so distracted in game tonight, having had his thoughts stuck far from whichever match he’d been playing over the past weeks… or was it months now? How long had it actually been since… that day?

“Yo, bruh, how’s it going?” The familiar voice made him look up in surprise, blinking as he watched a hulking figure brush easily through Sean’s teammates. “All fired up for the big game?”

Sean huffed and shook his head. “I don’t know about that, man.” He said, rising to his feet and offering his hand to his friend. “What are you doing here? Not that I’m not glad to see you-” he said, breaking off when Craig laughed and waved off his vague backtracking.

“Hey, I always had your back when I was on the team bruh,” Craig said, clapping his palm into Sean’s loudly and reaching for his shoulder with his other hand. “I still got it now. We’ll always be there for you, bro. ‘S what we’re all, yeah?”

Sean’s heart lurched at his friend’s small speech, latching on to the word which made his palms feel sticky, his mouth turning as he tried to form the word for himself. “W- _we_ ?” He finally repeated, his brow creasing with confusion. “Wha- I mean, uh, who… who’s _we_ exactly?” He asked awkwardly, hoping his nerves weren’t showing.

Craig grinned, clapping his shoulder fondly. “Z’s keepin’ my seat warm for me, Diego and Mike have dragged Jake out… and the dweebs are showing off how in love they are with that damn ring; blinding us all, every damn chance they get. Oh, and Kele came to try and get a feel of 'modern life', whatever that means. Personally, I just think he didn't wanna go shopping with Quinn and Estela.” He laughed, as Sean nodded slowly. He swallowed thickly, trying to trample the tiny stab of disappointment in his sinking heart. “And, I mean… Meech is grabbing drinks for us all, but she’ll probably end up on Jake duty to make sure he doesn’t try and spike it with something stronger, ya know? Jake don’t exactly like being out in public, and he likes _not_ drinking even less, so…”

Sean exhaled heavily, running his hand over his hair as he stared right through his best friend, stunned by the revelation that the woman he loved was closer than he’d ever expected her to be again; considering his weak attempt to win her back after she walked out. “Uh,” he coughed, shaking his head as Craig clapped him on the shoulder again lightly. “Cool, man, that’s… that’s cool.” He said thickly.

His heart thudded in his chest, his thoughts muddying as he marvelled at the thought of seeing her again. Would she smile, if he made eye contact? Would she speak to him, if he tried to talk to her? Was this the inevitable ‘friends’ stage of the after break up? He sighed, scrubbing his hand over his jaw nervously as he tried to swallow the thick lump in his throat.

“Brah, what’s up?” Craig asked, frowning at Sean’s obvious unease. “You worried ‘bout Jake causin’ a scene? Meech and Mike will keep him in line man, he’s just… he’s hurtin’, ya know?” Craig reasoned, shrugging his shoulders. “We’ll keep him in line, you know we won’t let him-” Craig paused, seeming to suddenly put the pieces together. “Oh.” 

Sean sighed, rolling his eyes and shaking his head. “I haven’t seen her since that time I tried to talk to her at Mike and Diego’s…” he admitted, licking his lips as he laid his hand over his chest as his heart raced nervously. “She was uh, pretty clear she was still pretty mad at me.” He said, wincing guiltily. “Rightly so…”

"C'mon, Sean… shit was still raw then, yeah?" Craig said, smiling reassuringly. "Michelle just needed some time to chill, bruh… maybe now's a good time to catch up, say you're sorry? See where things could go?"

Sean was already shaking his head before Craig finished his suggestion. "Nah, man." He said, swallowing against the bitter bile which crawled up his throat. "She deserved better; and I couldn't give it to her when it mattered. Was already my second chance, to prove I could do better… and I," Sean sucked in a deep breath and exhaled slowly, forcing the words between his teeth. "I blew it."

Craig seemed about to speak, when he paused, narrowing his eyes thoughtfully. "Ya know," he said slowly. "Wasn't so long ago, I was convinced I'd already lost Zahra." He admitted.

"What?" Sean blinked in surprise, frowning at his friend in concern. "Did something happen between you two? Is everything-"

"Yeah, nah brah, we're cool." Craig grinned lopsidedly, spreading his palms as he shrugged. "I'm just sayin'... if you give up before you even try, there won't ever be a chance to win her back." He said.

Sean eyed his friend warily, raising a brow at his words of wisdom. "Where'd you come up with that?" He asked carefully, trying not to insult his friend.

Craig laughed, scratching the back of his neck guiltily. "Call it, uh… _an intervention_." He said, making air quotations with his fingers.

"Wow, big word." Sean laughed with his friend, who jostled him playfully.

"Yeah well," Craig huffed. "Maybe you oughta stop moping about what was and ask yourself what you want to be… maybe even ask yourself… _what would Taylor do_?"

Sean snorted and shook his head, folding his arms over his chest. “Taylor? Fuck, he’d be the biggest idiot ever seen by man.” He joked, smiling fondly at the memory of their lost friend. “He’d be out there, causing trouble and… god, doing anything he could to make things right.” He said, his voice fading as his smile fell away. “Don’t think he’d be too pleased with me… though, he probably would’ve pulled my head outta my ass for me; and then none of this would’ve happened.” He sighed regretfully. “But, he’s gone man. Ain’t no use in thinking back on what I should’ve done differently…”

Craig frowned, but the coach bustled his way into the locker room at that moment, scowling around the team as they grappled playfully. "You best get outta here, man…" Sean warned quietly. "That ain't a happy coach, and I don't think he'll take kindly to seein' a non-team member in here. I'll look for you all in the stands, yeah?" 

Craig nodded, hesitating for an extended heartbeat, before clapping Sean on the shoulder warmly. "Things will work out, brah." He assured.

Sean wasn't entirely sure why he felt so hopeful at the promise, he didn't exactly have any right to hope at this point. But he let the feeling linger as he watched his friend slip away amid the chaos of his teammates gathering around his coach.

He tried to pay attention to the speech, knowing he needed to concentrate and give the team the long awaited win they'd needed. But try as he might… all he could think of was the blonde, somewhere in the stands; and the unequivocal certainty he felt that she was out of his reach. He was so distracted, he didn’t notice at first that the player beside him wasn’t wearing their colours and wasn’t cheering at their coaches motivational speech. When he did finally come to realise their strange silence, he found himself blinking in disbelief, leaning away from the man imperceptibly. 

“Taylor..?”

The redhead rolled his eyes, exhaling a deep and heavy sigh at Sean’s muttering of his name. Everything about his pose spoke of petulance and sulkiness, his entire aura riddled with disapproval and irritation, as Sean blinked and tried to clear his shock addled thoughts. By the time he’d recovered himself, Taylor was sauntering around his teammates, raising a brow as he carefully appraised their backsides.

 _“Taylor..!”_ Sean hissed, shrinking back awkwardly when one of his teammates turned to look at him curiously. Sean nodded quickly in vague acknowledgement, before looking at the coach and feigning interest in his speech. A moment later, his teammate followed his lead and looked back at their coach, leaving Sean free to furiously scan the crowd for his wayward friend.

“Taylor!” He whispered, craning his neck to search for his friend. He started when Taylor waved over his shoulder at him, whirling around quickly to find the redhead barely suppressing a giggle. “Goddamn-” Sean cursed, narrowing his eyes and reaching for Taylor, intending to drag him away. Taylor’s expression never changed, merely seeming amused by the athlete’s attempt, as Sean’s hand passed right through his arm.

Sean blinked, taken aback by his friends incorporeal-ism. “What the..?” he murmured, shaking his head briefly as he looked back up at Taylor, who rolled his eyes and strolled toward the back of the locker room, folding his arms over his chest as he pouted at Sean reproachfully. “How the hell is this possible? What is this? How are you here..?” Sean demanded lowly, following after Taylor and huddling against the wall as naturally as he could. “Are you… a ghost?” He asked uncertainly, as Taylor’s eyes sparkled with amusement, his lips parting in great; silent, guffaws of laughter.

Sean glowered as Taylor blatantly snickered, even without making any sound. “Okay, fine, laugh it up,” he hissed, running his hand over his hair irritably. “But there ain’t no way you can be here, Taylor… except, if you’re-” he paused, unwilling to say the words aloud as his face fell. None of them wanted to think of Taylor as such.

Taylor’s chest rose in an obvious sigh, his fingers flicking Sean’s forehead with apparent frustration. He pressed his hand to his own chest, glaring at Sean as he then gestured out the door towards the field where Sean was soon to be playing.

“Oh… you, uh, you know about that, huh?” Sean winced, biting his lip guiltily. It wasn’t hard to link Taylor’s angry gesturing to his purpose. “Wait, are you..?” He paused suddenly, looking at Taylor with sudden suspicion and a vague sense of relief. “Are you just, some… guilt induced hallucination?”

Taylor rolled his eyes and scoffed silently, but his answer was enough for Sean. “Oh… well, that makes sense, I guess.” The athlete mused, nodding thoughtfully. “After what Craig said about thinking things through and then making me think of you… yeah, makes sense I’d start imagining you were here to kick my ass.”

Taylor flashed a brief grin, before eyeing Sean critically again, raising his brow expectantly. 

Sean sighed and scrubbed his hands over his face. "I dunno what to tell you, okay?" He said, shaking his head slowly. "We came back from the island and… I mean, it was like this light had been switched on in my head; and there was no turning it off. Like I'd seen what I really had to do, how _I_ needed to be the one to support Michelle, to give her that perfect life she always planned, rather than leaving her to do it all herself…" he mused, shaking his head darkly. "I was so busy trying to be _the_ man, I forgot to be _her_ man. To just be _with_ her."

Taylor nodded slowly, his expression thoughtful as he absorbed Sean's confession. He eyed the sports star critically, before reaching out with lightning quick reflexes. Sean flinched out of expectation, but the clip never collided with his ear; Taylor's hand sailed straight through him.

"Hey!" Sean protested, despite not being hurt. "What the hell was that fo-"

"Gayle!" His coaches angry voice startled Sean, his head snapping to attention to find he was the only one still in the locker room. "What the hell are you playing at? Get your goddamn head in the game and get the hell out there!"

"Yessir, sorry sir!" Sean barked quickly, scrambling to hurry past his coach and join the rest of his team. He glanced at Taylor, who rolled his eyes but seemed to follow along regardless of his exasperation. Sean grabbed his helmet on the way out the door and ran down the hall, barely catching up to the tail end of his team as they filtered out onto the pitch. He pulled on his helmet just before he passed through the arch, momentarily blinded as always by the lights as he jogged out to the crowds deafening applause.

His teammates basked in the glory, but for Sean; the sound had long been hollow. His eyes were already scanning, searching for his friends in the stands. For her.

He reared back when Taylor planted himself firmly in the way, his arms folded over his chest as he tapped his foot and raised a brow expectantly. "What the hell's that look for?" Sean asked, though Taylor merely heaved an exaggerated sigh, rolling his eyes as he pointed into the stands with a grimace.

Sean followed Taylor's finger, his mouth drying at the sight of his friends, seated at an edge about halfway; forcing Jake into a corner so he couldn't escape. Mike and Diego were sitting close by, Zahra and Craig a seat behind and one over to the left of them, laughing as they lobbed popcorn at the couple as Diego fidgeted in his seat and Mike grinned shamelessly. Sean grimaced, not wanting to know what the hell they were up to. He noticed Grace and Aleister sat in front of them all; completing the barricade of bodies which kept Jake in his seat with Kele's help, as they no doubt explained the advanced sporting world to him.

The man looked better than he had for months now, but even with the distance between them; Sean could see the haunted, hollow look in his dulled cerulean eyes. Jake hadn't even spoken for the first two months after they left the island, his grief too profound for him to articulate. To Sean's knowledge, the man still hadn't spoken a word about his husband; and could barely stand to be in the same room if his name was mentioned. He felt a flash of guilt, having always dismissed Jake's behaviour as selfish, but now he couldn't help but wonder if he'd just never fully comprehended; just how much he had really loved Taylor.

He glanced at the redhead beside him, who was staring himself, his eyes shimmering with unshed tears. "Sorry…" Sean murmured, as Taylor blinked and looked toward him. "Guess I imagined you a whole lot of pain, huh? I mean, you loved him too…" he said, as Taylor stared at him blankly for a moment.

The redhead frowned, his hand rising to cover his heart, before he gestured at Sean; and to each of their friends respectively, pointedly saving the blonde beside Jake for last.

"Heh," Sean chuckled guiltily. "Yeah, I guess you did love us all." He said, as Taylor rolled his eyes and jabbed his finger at Michelle again, scowling at Sean until he reluctantly shifted his gaze back to the stands.

Sean swallowed heavily, his eyes sweeping slowly over Michelle as she argued with Jake, shoving a bottle of water at him while he petulantly folded his arms over his chest and turned his head away. Water clearly did _not_ impress him, but the look of firm determination on Michelle's face was… breathtaking. Sean felt his heart kick into overdrive, hammering against his chest in an effort to escape him and deliver itself to the blonde who owned it completely.

He shuddered, drawing in a deep breath as he lowered his eyes, turning his back as he got into position for the game. "I don't deserve her…" he murmured to Taylor, who heaved a silent, weary sigh and wandered away as Sean got ready; desperately trying to get his head into the game.

The first thirty minutes passed in a blur, his moves sloppy and distracted by the constant urge to turn and look again at his friends. At her. He was so busy fighting his bodies urges, that he didn't notice two very _large_ bodies, heading toward him at high speed. With a sickening crash they collided with both his shoulders, knocking the wind from him as they drove him to the ground.

" _Oof_!" He winced and curled onto his side, his chest aching as he desperately tried to gasp for air. As the other two bodies disappeared, Sean rolled onto his hands and knees, reaching awkwardly for his helmet and knocking it off, sucking in quick lungfuls of air as soon as the object was removed. "Urgh…" he panted, shaking his head to try and clear the lingering sense of vertigo.

"... hey, _hey!_ " A foggy voice pierced the ringing in his ears and he looked up slowly to find his friends had flooded the field; led by a ferocious blonde, who was scowling as she checked him over. "How many fingers am I holding up?" She asked, her eyes busy as she held up a hand and waved it before his face.

"Miche-" he began, only to cough quietly. He took several deep breaths, blinking away the last of his disorientation, before clearing his throat and trying again. "Michelle… what are you-?"

"Fingers." She demanded, narrowing her eyes at him warningly.

Sean chuckled, his heart lightening for the first time in months. "Just three." He said, allowing her to check his head for signs of injury. "I'm fine… really. I've had worse." He said, shrugging his shoulder and wincing lightly.

"Hmm…" Michelle hummed dismissively. Sean sighed and let her satisfy herself, glancing over at Mike and Diego as they hovered a short distance away with Jake and Kele, while Aleister and Grace waited at the edge of the field.

Taylor stole his attention from his friends as he circled behind Michelle, making blatant gestures and pointing firmly at the blonde so that Sean could hardly miss his point.

The athlete swallowed thickly, his heart rising to his throat as he returned his eyes to Michelle. "Uh, I…" he coughed awkwardly, feeling his cheeks warm as the blonde met his eyes only briefly. "Um, thanks... " he said, clearing his throat as his courage failed him. "I uh, I should probably…" 

Michelle blinked and then stepped back, nodding tightly and hesitating for an extended heartbeat, before turning away. Sean felt his heart threatening to tear, the sight of Michelle walking away almost more than he could bear. Would this be the last time he saw her? Would he never earn her forgiveness? Remain a coward forever?

Taylor shook his head, folding his arms over his chest as he stared hard at Sean and raised an expectant brow.

Sean hesitated, his heart thudding heavily against his ribs, a tense bubble rising in his throat as his mind screamed at him to call out to the blonde.

And finally, call out, he did.

 _"You're all I ever wanted…"_ he yelled at her turned back, drawing her to a halt in the middle of her journey back to the stands. " _You're all I ever needed, yeah!"_ He called, scratching at his chest as it throbbed with longing. " _So tell me what to do now… 'cause I want you back!"_

Sean couldn't stop the words flowing from his mouth, but when Michelle turned back to face him uncertainly, he was fairly sure he didn't want to.

 _"It's hard to say I'm sorry,"_ he said, shaking his head slowly. " _It's hard to make the things I did; undone… a lesson I've learned too well, for sure."_ He called imploringly, stretching his hand toward her.

 _"So don't hang up the phone now,_ " he pleaded, hesitantly stepping closer when Michelle turned towards him fully, while Mike, Diego and Kele hovered nearby. " _I'm trying to figure out just what to do! I'm going crazy without you..!"_ He said, swallowing heavily as Michelle eyed him uncertainly, her fingers twirling a bobby pin between them restlessly; as was her habit when she was feeling uneasy.

 _"You're all I ever wanted… you're all I ever needed, yeah!"_ Sean called to her, slowly but steadily advancing on her. " _So tell me what to do now… when I want you back!"_ He pleaded, as Michelle bit her lip and looked around their friends for help.

Sean found his own eyes drifting to Taylor, who was bouncing his foot impatiently, seemingly waiting for something _more_ than what Sean was currently providing. He swallowed nervously, remembering how he'd said himself; Taylor would have thrown everything he had into getting what he damn well wanted.

 _"Baby I remember,"_ he sang, swallowing heavily as he forced himself to hold Michelle’s gaze. “ _The way you used to look at me and say… promises never last forever.”_ He said, feeling his heart clench painfully when Michelle averted her eyes and wiped the heel of her hand beneath them quickly. _“I told you not to worry,”_ he sighed, shaking his head as he bit back the grief he felt and tried to focus on putting his all into showing the woman he loved; just how much he regretted letting her go. " _I said that everything would be all right… I didn't know then that you were right."_ He said, closing the distance between them and hesitantly reaching for her cheek with his fingertips.

 _"You're all I ever wanted… you're all I ever needed, yeah!"_ Sean whispered forcefully, his head swimming at the faint touch of his skin against hers. " _So tell me what to do now… when I want you back!"_ He pleaded, his eyes burning with sincerity as Michelle peeked up at him from beneath her lashes. 

_"I want you back, oh yeah,_ " he swore, licking his lips as he gently took both of her hands in his. " _You're the one I want!"_ He said loudly, squeezing her hands gently as she sucked in a deep, trembling breath. " _You're the one I need!"_ He cried, startling a laugh from Michelle as she glanced around with amusement, her cheeks darkening as she noticed the other players watching them. " _Girl, what can I do?"_

Sean didn't dare hope he'd done enough to earn her forgiveness, to have earned her trust and her love back… but as the words continued to tumble from his lips; he found that he desperately wanted to take away the pain and the doubt she had no doubt felt, thinking he didn't love her. He glanced at Taylor, who nodded and winked in encouragement, grinning as he shuffled in a slow circle to the song which Sean had no control over singing.

 _"You're all I ever wanted!"_ Sean cried, tugging hesitantly on Michelle's hands, surprised when she stepped closer and rest her cheek against his chest. " _You're all I ever needed!"_ He yelled, shivering as he held the blonde close and hesitantly pressed his lips to her hair. “ _So tell me what to do now!”_ He pleaded, reluctantly loosening his hold when Michelle made to pull away; turning her eyes up to him and seeming to search his very soul. _“When I want…”_ Sean’s voice wavered as Michelle’s palm tentatively fit to his cheek, his heart sputtering as she bit her lip and slowly rose on her tiptoes. _“You... back-”_

Sean’s breath caught at the velvet touch of Michelle’s lips against his, the familiar sensation seeming far more precious and meaningful than it ever had before. When she pulled back, Michelle gazed up at him intently. “... this will take work.” She said thickly, sniffing quietly as Sean blinked in surprise.

“You mean..?” He breath, uncertain he could believe his brain’s own conclusion. He held his breath, hoping despite knowing he shouldn’t, that he’d earned just… a _chance._ He found his eyes darting to Taylor as Michelle straightened and rest her hand on her hip, the redhead smiling and throwing Sean a brief thumbs up as he winked.

Michelle raised a brow at Sean. “I’m not moving back in right away…” she said firmly, as Sean’s heart seemed to swell to three times its normal size. “We’ll have dates, do all the things we were supposed to do together before… if you can keep your promises, then maybe we can talk after a couple months.” She said.

Sean huffed a disbelieving breath, unable to hide his joy as he swept Michelle into his arms and spun her around quickly, his grin stretching across his whole face as she giggled. When he set her down carefully on her feet, he continued to hold her close, burying his face in her hair and inhaling deeply. “I’m so sorry, girl… I won’t let you down, not ever again.” He promised in a tense whisper.

Michelle squeezed him gently and then drew back as their friends approached, turning to smile at them shyly. “Looks like I’ll be getting my room back soon, huh, Mike?” Diego said as he walked over with the former soldier.

“Over my goddamn hot ass,” he scoffed, wrapping his arm around Diego’s waist and drawing him into his side. “‘Sides, Blondie ain’t leavin’ just yet.” He added confidently, grinning down at Diego lewdly. “Nice try, Spunky.”

Diego laughed, jostling the pilot playfully as Sean frowned and glanced around. “What happened to the others?” He wondered, scratching the back of his neck guiltily when they both flinched.

“Jake took off about the time you started singing…” Diego said quietly, glancing up at Mike sadly as his lover sighed wearily.

“Dumbass still can’t stomach nothin’ that reminds him of…” Mike sighed, shaking his head sadly.

“What did he say to you?” Michelle asked curiously, looking up at Sean almost hungrily. 

“You saw him?” Sean asked, blinking in surprise.

“Not here,” she said evasively, lowering her eyes. 

Sean waited for her to continue, but when she remained pointedly silent, realisation settled in. “Oh…” he said, swallowing thickly. “You saw him the night you…” he trailed off as Michelle nodded quickly. “Oh, well… then,” he said, clearing his throat and taking a deep breath, before exhaling it slowly. “I guess he told you the same thing he told me.” He said warmly, smiling as Michelle looked up at him with a frown. “Exactly what I needed to hear.”

Sean looked around, planning to thank the redhead for the chance to prove himself, but he frowned when he found no trace of him. “He only shows up when you need him.” Diego said quietly, watching him from beside Mike. “I like to think he’s kind of like Nanny McPhee for us all.” He chuckled fondly, resting his hand over his heart. “Comes out when we’re at our lowest; and goes back into our hearts when he’s kicked our asses.” 

Sean snorted, nodding slowly as he digested the idea. “Yeah,” he said, his lips quirking into a grin. “Sounds like him.” He huffed, exhaling slowly and glancing around the field suddenly, his cheeks burning at the audience they seemed to have acquired. “Uh, I guess… I should probably,” he coughed awkwardly, clearing his throat as he ducked down to scoop up his helmet. “But… I’ll meet you guys after?” He asked hopefully, his eyes on Michelle as he rose back to his feet.

The blonde smiled, tossing her hair over her shoulder as she nodded. “Sure.” She said warmly, leaning up to kiss his cheek, before walking away with Mike and Diego. 

Sean felt his entire body sag with relief, his heart beating comfortably as he slowly turned to rejoin his teammates, not caring about his display or the embarrassment he should probably be feeling. Instead, he found himself feeling warm, giddy; excited for the rest of the match, and for everything which he hoped to come after.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song; I Want You Back - N*Sync
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=is6gtilerPk


	10. Bitch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not fond of this one either; hope its not too bad
> 
> x My love to you all x

**Bitch**

Estela crossed Hartfeld college lobby quickly, hurrying through the halls with her binders clutched close to her chest. She’d researched and carefully planned out her ideas, colluding with Kele to make as detailed a campaign as possible. She just needed two of the three college committee heads to vote in her favour.

She just hoped she could keep her temper long enough to explain her idea rationally.

It had taken her longer than she’d first anticipated, putting together her idea for Kele to host a small, self-defence class on campus. Technically he was more than qualified for the position, but getting the appropriate paperwork to prove it after his dismissal from the army had proven... slightly more complicated than they'd first thought. But, with a little help from her brother; a word she still wasn't entirely used to using, but was strangely comfortable with, they had managed to put together the correct documents to finally get Kele certified as a teacher.

She felt herself blush as she remembered his show of thanks that night, the way his hands had felt as they'd explored her body carefully at first; and then firmly, eagerly, ravishing-

" _Oof_!" She gasped, colliding with a firm chest and startling herself from her vivid recollection. "Hey, watch where you're going, you-" she began, only to break off at a small snort of amusement.

"I do hope you weren't about to say something so _unfriendly_ , when you're in need of support for your presentation." Aleister chuckled, his face stoic, even as his piercing eyes seemed to soften at Estela's flush of embarrassment.

"Uh, of course I wasn't." She coughed, shaking her head and biting the inside of her cheek as she tried to stop the smile which twitched at her lips. "Like _you_ can talk anyway," she added, peeking up at him slyly. "You're practically the king of _unfriendly_ here." She said, gesturing at the college around them.

Aleister's lips actually twitched briefly, before he quickly masked his slip. "And yet I still manage to be logical and persuasive in my arguments." He said pointedly.

Estela nodded as she ran a hand over her hair nervously, which was tied up in a fancy knot and held in place by chopsticks. She vowed never to let Quinn help her get ready again. "Yeah, yeah… I know." She sighed. "Keeping my temper is key… and I'm not very good at it." She said, biting her lip as she hugged her binders closer to her chest. "Do you… think I have a chance?" She asked hesitantly.

Aleister glanced around, making sure nobody was looking; before he reached for Estela's elbow and squeezed gently, smiling warmly for a brief moment. "I believe that your mother's determination runs within you; and I believe you want this enough to win everything you desire and more." He said quietly, chuckling as he withdrew his hand and rearranged his expression into his familiar cool facade. "Not to mention you know one of the three committee members you need to sway… and I feel confident that so long as your presentation is detailed and informing, they will give you their vote without hesitation." He added.

Estela looked up at her pale brother uncertainly, stunned and unwelcomely emotional at the touching mention of her mother. Her eyes were just beginning to water with gratitude, when she was startled into a snort of laughter when he threw her a lightning fast wink. "Okay…" she said thickly, rolling her tense shoulders and forcing them to relax. "You're right. I can do this." She said firmly, nodding to Aleister sharply. "I should finish prepping, Kele is setting everything out at the moment." She said, tilting her chin toward the main auditorium doors.

"Of course," Aleister nodded back, stepping aside to let her pass. "I'll see you in there." He said, offering her another rare smile as she sucked in a deep breath and moved forward. "Good luck, Estela." He whispered.

Estela held her head high, bolstered by Aleister's encouragement. With confidence which she'd mastered at a young age, she strode across the remainder of the lobby and into the auditorium, her heart jumping excitedly at the sight of Kele at the centre of the stage, practising some of the simpler moves he was to demonstrate later in their presentation. 

She felt, but could not stop the smile from forming on her face, her eyes running over the former soldiers lithe form hungrily as she bit her lip. She hesitated to watch for a moment, trying to detach herself from their presentation and put herself in the audience; a simple minded fool, with nothing better to worry about than their next party or date. Such things had always eluded her however; and she quickly found herself merely appreciating Kele's form, his strength and his-

"Estela?" She started guiltily at the sound of her name, her face burning as her eyes snapped to Kele's face, his eyes glittering knowingly as he walked towards the edge of the stage closest to her. "It's not like you to zone out and get taken by surprise…" he chuckled quietly, smiling as he offered her his hand. "Are you... alright?" He asked innocently, as Estela cleared her throat.

"Of course I am." She said quickly, striding forward and taking his hand when she reached him, allowing him to help her up to the stage, as opposed to walking around and taking the stairs. "Your form was good, but your timing was off by a half a second." She said airily, ignoring Kele's small smile. 

"Now," she said, setting the folders on their table at the back of the stage. "I've got almost all of the slides for the projector, I have notes and posters and I-"

"Estela," Kele's voice was soft and comforting as he touched her elbow lightly, turning her towards him. He smiled, his eyes so warm and gentle that Estela was certain her heart was melting. "It's okay… you've done everything you can, it's more than enough. Relax." He said, opening his arm for her.

Estela hesitated, before exhaling a deep breath, leaning against him as she felt a tight ball of nerves sit heavily in her stomach. What was this? She'd never been nervous about battle or uncertain of herself when they were running for their lives on the island… why was she feeling so unsettled now?

"What if it's not?" She couldn't help but ask, gripping his arm tightly. 

"Hmm?" Kele hummed, seemingly distracted by her hair, a small smile curving his lips as he toyed with the loose strands which framed her face.

"What if it's _not_ enough?" She asked. "What if I've forgotten something, or not thought of something at all? What if-"

"Estela, everything you've done has been amazing." Kele interrupted, his voice gentle and soothing. "You got me here; that alone is more than I ever expected… even if this doesn't work out, we'll find another way. I will never forget what you've done for me, and I won't let all your hard work go to waste." He promised. "We'll find a way."

Estela peered at him intently for an intimate pause, before nodding and pulling away with a sigh. "We'll find a way." She agreed, turning back to the assembled binders and other aides for their presentation. "Well, we should really get to work… set all these things up and, uh, stuff." She said awkwardly.

Kele chuckled quietly. "Okay." He said, smiling as he set about helping Estela to organise everything how she wanted.

An hour later, the posters were up behind their desk, a small board on display with various pamphlets, statistics and persuasive arguments in their favour. A large projector screen has been hoisted up at the far end of the stage, but they'd left it rolled up for the time being; uncertain if they'd need it or if it would be overkill.

“Okay…” Estela sighed, running a hand over her hair and scowling again at her own foolishness for letting Quinn style it for her. “How long do we have left?” She asked, glancing at the files she had left scattered across the desk.

“Probably about thirty seconds.” Kele chuckled quietly, smiling as he curled an arm about her waist and drew her close. “Just stop and breathe for a second, please.” He said, holding her close and kissing her jaw softly.

Estela shivered, biting her lip as her body reacted to the innocent gesture. “That’s having the opposite effect of helping me breath…” she said, huffing with exasperation when Kele laughed and released her. “I didn’t say stop.” She added, refusing to acknowledge the pout she wore.

Kele smiled warmly. “To be continued, then?” He offered, gesturing to the doors as they swung open. 

Estela felt her stomach turn hollow, her heart leaping into her throat as she nodded mutely. She was struck again by the strange uneasiness, the unusual lack of confidence in her abilities. Was it because she had resolved to keep her temper? To not let herself lash out, to ruin the very idea which had been born of her desire to help someone she cared about? That she… loved? She shook her head and swallowed heavily, turning and stepping behind the desk with Kele as students filed in to begin taking their seats.

From a door on the opposite side of the hall, two intimidating figures entered, stalking confidently toward the stage. Aleister swept calmly to take his seat, barely glancing at Estela and Kele before looking down at some notes which he’d brought with him. 

Beside him, walked a man who appeared more of a boy. With dirty blond hair, muddy brown eyes and the personality of a toad; Estela had never been fond of Sebastian Delacroix, sensing that he was only actually on the committee because his daddy had bought him the seat.

Sebastian flashed a curious look towards Estela and Kele, his lips quirking briefly, before he took his own seat at the other desk; leaving the seat between himself and Aleister empty. Estela frowned, glancing around and wondering why there was no third party taking a seat. She didn’t like to be left blind.

“If you would all desist your prattling, we may actually get this started before we all hit fifty.” Aleister called through the hall calmly, quieting the students who had come to view the presentation. “We have received a petition for a self defense class, taught by a… very respectable former soldier.” He said, pausing as his lips flickered with the threat of a small smile. “The petition has been submitted by Estela Montoya, who claims this could even become a part of the curriculum if the initial classes are proven to be effective and, or; successful enough to recommend to the college admin.” 

He let the introduction sit for a moment, his piercing blue eyes travelling across the various faces in the room slowly. Estela felt a rush of pride, her tumultuous emotions colliding as she watched her brother impose his authority on the crowd, but without taking away their own individual importance. “Now, I believe we should cut to the chase, as it were.” Aleister said at length, turning his head and gesturing toward Estela and Kele’s desk. “If you would be so kind, miss Montoya?”

Estela nodded, pretending not to notice how warm her palms were, nor the faint tremor.in her legs as she rose from her seat and walked around the desk slowly. "The training which we've put together in this class, could very well save your life at some point." She said loudly, walking slowly across the stage and trying to steady her racing heartbeat. "Through basic methods and self discipline, you could learn something which could help you in a military career, could just be a means of exercise and mental concentration… and, as I said; it might save your life, or even someone else's. Nobody knows what might come at you in the future. This class, could even help _you_ learn how to master techniques, which you could then teach to others; if the college accepts it as a fully endorsed class, you could earn a degree in self defence for yourself."

Estela hesitated, allowing her words to sink in as she had seen Aleister do. She counted to five in her head, and then forced a small smile. "Let me show you what I mean…" she said, turning back to the desk she shared with Kele.

From there, Estela delved wholeheartedly into her presentation, helping Kele with basic demonstrations and answering any questions which she was able to when someone was curious enough to ask. By the time she had covered everything and retaken her seat, to a deafening round of applause no less, she could feel a warm ember of pride burning in her gut.

"Very informative," Aleister said coolly, though Estela could see pride in his eyes. "Thank you miss Montoya, mister Okereke." He said, tilting them a brief, respective nod. "Now, the student body may vote on the class; which will be optional at this point, I add… but perhaps with enough attendance and if statistics show mister Okereke is indeed making a positive impression as a teacher, then we may present the class to the college board for a permanent tenure." He said. "Once the student body has voted, the committee will vote; and the majority will ultimately carry the motion."

Estela's heart leapt into her throat, nerves tingling in her fingertips. She glanced at Kele when he gently laid his hand over hers, squeezing in reassurance. She flashed him a brief, shy smile; and then turned back to face her brother. She was pleased to notice that Kele's hand remained on hers.

"With a show of hands," Aleister drawled. "All in favour of-"

"If I may interrupt for a moment." Sebastian called over Aleister, throwing a sneer down the table as Aleister dutifully paused. "Thank you." He said, rising to his feet and pacing slowly around the table. "Now, we've heard a lot of promises today, a lot of figures and expectations… we've seen a few flashy little moves," he said, rolling his eyes as Estela's hands balled into tight fists in her lap. Her ears were already ringing, her eyes locked onto the prancing _git_ as he worked to undermine all the hard work Kele had put into their presentation. Fury boiled in her blood; and not even Kele's comforting hand on hers could soothe her.

"But!" He called dramatically. "Such a 'rough and tumble' class, is always going to have… consequences." He sneered, flashing a brief, cruel smirk at Estela, as she seethed in her seat; desperately trying to reign in her temper.

"Say you have your morning free, and take one of these… classes," Sebastian's derisive sneer only served to fuel Estela's temper; and she was forced to dig her nails into her leg to stop herself from rising from her chair and giving him a personal lesson about the _consequences_ of being an asshole. "Even the smallest of miscalculations, an accident by someone who's trying to show off or thinks they're more advanced than they are… their classes, _real_ classes in the day could be impossible, if they're injured." 

Estela grit her teeth, trying to ignore the heat which flared across her skin at his taunting, despising his condescending tone and the doubt which he tried to sow. She was about to shove her way to her feet, when Sebastian moved; and standing in the spot which he'd moved from, was a man she knew could not be there.

Shock alone kept her in her seat, staring at Taylor as Sebastian waffled on. She watched the redhead approaching her, cocking his thumb at Sebastian and rolling his eyes as he feigned a yawn. Estela's lips almost twitched, but she simply shook her head instead, frowning as she looked at Taylor again.

The redhead was following behind Sebastian, mostly mocking him and emphasising his boredom. He glanced at Estela often, as if waiting for her to snap; seeming eager for it even. 

Estela dug her nails into her legs, and firmly glued her ass in her seat.

"Not to forget one of the most important points in my argument…" Sebastian droned, turning towards Estela suddenly with a smirk that his audience could not see. She grit her teeth, heat flooding her face as her blood bubbled at his condescending tone. "It is a well known fact, that miss Montoya is prone to losing her temper. What if someone were to frustrate her in a class that she's present for? What might her reaction be? Given that we are all _well_ aware by now, of her own personal knowledge of 'self defence'..." he sneered.

Estela's nostrils flared, her eyes narrowing as she bit the inside of her cheek and tried not to let the obvious taunt get under her skin. She took a deep breath, though the act did nothing to calm the ringing in her ears or the burning of her blood. She averted her eyes from Sebastian to Taylor behind him; and from the expectant expression he wore, she knew that she was going to fail. She was _going_ to snap.

She looked at Kele apologetically, exhaling a deep and trembling breath as she reached over and squeezed his hand gently. She swallowed heavily, looking up at his warm eyes as she let go of the tight hold she had on her emotions.

" _I hate the world today."_ She said as a preternatural calm settled over her. " _You're so good to me; I know... but I can't change."_ She murmured, licking her lips as she sucked in a deep breath. " _Tried to tell you! But you look at me like maybe, I'm an angel underneath…"_ she said, shaking her head as she looked away from his kind eyes and sought out Taylor. " _Innocent and sweet."_ She bit out, rolling her eyes when Taylor smirked and nodded, silently cheering and encouraging her.

Estela sighed, her chair legs dragging loudly on the stage as she pushed herself up from her seat. " _Yesterday I cried,"_ she said loudly, stepping out from around the desk and walking across the stage slowly, her eyes roving the audience slowly. " _Must have been relieved to see… the softer side."_ She said, her lips curving wickedly for a brief moment, before she turned and paced along the edge of the stage.

 _"I can understand how you'd be so confused,"_ she admitted, spreading her palms innocently. " _I don't envy you…_ " she said, turning toward the crowd and lifting a hand to her hair. _I'm a little bit of everything… all rolled into one!"_

Estela ripped the chopsticks from her hair, turning as it fell in a wave around her face to launch the long sticks towards the projector screen. " _I'm a bitch, I'm a lover! I'm a child, I'm a mother! I'm a sinner, I'm a saint… I do not feel ashamed!"_ She cried, slamming her hand onto the projector power button just as her chopsticks sliced cleanly through the string which they'd tied the rolled up screen with, letting it fall into position while the projector flared to life. 

" _I'm your hell, I'm your dream!"_ Estela sneered, twirling with a dark look as she glared at Sebastian, who was watching the projector screen with surprise. “ _I'm nothing in between! You know you wouldn't want it any other way!”_ She chanted, roughly pulling her hair back into a quick ponytail, before marching toward Sebastian and grabbing a fistful of his jacket.

 _“So take me as I am,”_ she ordered, sneering at him as she smirked condescendingly. “ _This may mean you'll have to be... a stronger man.”_ She taunted, patting him on the cheek before releasing him and sauntering toward the edge of the stage. “ _Rest assured that; when I start to make you nervous… and I'm going to extremes,”_ she said, grinning as Kele rose from his chair and stepped toward the centre of the stage, smiling as he took a familiar stance and waited for her to join him. “ _Tomorrow I will change… and today won't mean a thing!”_ She cheered, glancing at Taylor behind Kele, as he cheered and danced excitedly.

“ _I'm a bitch, I'm a lover! I'm a child, I'm a mother!”_ Estela roared as she threw herself into a furious assault on Kele. “ _I'm a sinner, I'm a saint! I do not feel ashamed!”_ She panted, throwing a rapid barrage of punches toward Kele; only for him to almost effortlessly bat them away. “ _I'm your hell, I'm your dream… I'm nothing in between! You know you wouldn't want it any other way!”_

Estela’s heart pounded, adrenaline rushing through her as she sparred with Kele; the crowd cheering them enthusiastically while they watched the various situations, scenarios and interviews from attack victims. She felt her previous uncertainty and nerves fade away, a knot untying in her gut as she threw her all into their display. She threw a wide kick, quickly dropping it when Kele moved to block it and switching the flow of her body, aiming to catch him in the shoulder. Before her strike could connect, Kele had turned and deflected her attack; using her own momentum to force her over his shoulder.

Estela grinned as she landed on her feet, sharing a brief laugh with Kele before strutting across the stage to leer at Sebastian; while Taylor silently booed and hissed the man from beside him. “ _Just when you think, you got me figured out… the season's already changing.”_ She said, sneering as she flipped her hair over her shoulder and made to brush past him, her smile growing when her ponytail flicked him in the face. “ _I think it's cool, you do what you do… and don't try to save me!”_ She sang loudly, smiling as Taylor looked at her fully and grinned, winking at her and gesturing for her to take centre stage before the audience. 

“ _I'm a bitch, I'm a lover! I'm a child, I'm a mother!”_ She cried, gesturing at herself and glaring around the crowd. “ _I'm a sinner, I'm a saint! I do not feel ashamed!”_ She insisted, sauntering along the edge of the stage proudly. “ _I'm your hell, I'm your dream! I'm nothing in between! You know you wouldn't want it any other way..!”_ She cheered, snapping her head towards Kele when he caught her by the hand and drew her back into a brief exchange of them both deflecting moves, showing off both their offensive and defensive skills.

Estela laughed as she and Kele parted again, shaking her head as she swung her hips lazily and relaxed. “ _I'm a bitch, I'm a tease… I'm a goddess on my knees!”_ She sang, biting her lip as Kele gently folded her into his arms. “ _When you hurt, when you suffer; I'm your angel undercover!”_ She sighed, looking at Taylor as he approached them both. “ _I've been numb, I'm revived…. can't say I'm not alive!”_ She said loudly, swallowing heavily as Taylor smiled and reached to ruffle her hair; though his hand passed straight through the top of her head. “ _You know I wouldn't want it any other way…”_ she said, lowering her eyes as sadness overwhelmed her for a heartbeat. 

Only a second later however, Estela sniffed away her darker feelings, smiling at the redhead warmly. “Thanks, Taylor.” She whispered, as he smiled brightly and threw her a cocky salute.

“I had a feeling you saw him…” Kele murmured in her ear, sweeping the loose strands of her hair from her brow. “What did he say?” He asked curiously. 

Estela drew in a deep breath, smiling as Taylor wiggled his brows suggestively and gestured between Estela, Kele; and the desk behind them. She huffed a small, amused snort. “He said, being myself, isn’t something I have to be ashamed of… and that I don’t need to be afraid of my temper, because I have the power to focus it into whatever I want.” She said, smiling as Taylor rolled his eyes and turned away.

“That… seems very specific.” Kele said slowly, blinking in confusion as he cocked his head at her. “He wasn’t half so… detailed, when I uh-”

Estela chuckled quietly and pressed her index finger to his nose. “He didn’t _say_ any of it.” She explained, turning to look back at Taylor; only discover that he’d disappeared. She felt her heart pulse weakly, her hand rising as a small, surprised but grateful smile formed on her lips. “It’s more like a feeling, like… he’d already told me, but just… helped me feel it for myself.”

Kele nodded slowly, smiling as Aleister rapped his knuckles on his desk and the audience erupted into raucous applause. “I think we might have just got a thumbs up…” he said, as Estela nodded and leaned her forehead against his chest. 

“Just like he knew we would…” she whispered, smiling as she closed her eyes and allowed the warmth in her chest to spread through her, calming the furious burn in her blood and even soothing her lingering irritation with Sebastian; who was downcast and sulky, but seemed to have conceded with good grace

“Well done, miss Montoya.” Aleister said as he walked over, smiling proudly as she lifted her head and nodded to him. “Never doubted you for a second.” He said.

“I had a little help…” she admitted, biting the inside of her cheek to keep her smile from growing. 

“Yes, I noticed.” Aleister snorted quietly, smiling as he offered her his arm. “Perhaps I could buy you both lunch, and you could tell me all about how he helped you.” He suggested.

Estela smiled and slid one arm through Kele’s and the other through Aleister’s, walking from the hall with them and already thinking how to regale them with the story of how their missing friend helped her; and his continued presence in her heart. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song; Bitch - Meredith Brooks
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bv4q4Kk0Qr0


	11. Innocence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It probably shows this was one of my faves
> 
> i hope i did it justice
> 
> x My love to you all x

**Innocence**

“But, he never even _mentions_ them...” Mike listened to Diego’s voice from down the hall, his lips quirking with amusement at his lover’s pitiable attempt at talking quietly. Just in case he came home early. “Are they on bad terms or something? I don’t understand, why can’t I ask about his family? Isn’t it natural I would be curious to know more about him by now?”

Mike closed his eyes and sighed, leaning his head back against the wall as he listened in from down the hall, knowing it was cruel to avoid the subject; but not wanting to have _that_ particular talk just yet.

“Jus’ keep ya damn nose outta it.” Jake replied gruffly, though he was at least using full words today, Mike noted. A sign of a good day. Or at least, just not an awful one. “Mike’ll tell ya when he’s good an’ ready, family’s a touchy topic for him, alright?”

“But I care about him!” Diego protested. “I want to know more about him, I want to share things with him! I... I-“

“Welp, if ya care ‘bout him so damn much,” Jake sighed, the sound of a bar stool scraping on the floor blocking out the sound of his yawn. “Leave it all the hell alone.”

"But _why_ ?" Diego pressed. Mike felt a warmth in his heart at the curiosity and concern of his lover, but he also shivered; feeling a haunting chill creep along his spine at the thought of his… _family_ . "Mike knows almost everything about me, the only things he didn't know; I've already opened up and told him!" Diego said loudly, his frustration at Jake's insistence clear. "Please, Jake, what the hell is so wrong about wanting honesty to swing both ways here? About maybe wanting things to be a little… well, a little _more_..?"

Mike felt a grin tug at his lips. He'd sensed that things, _feelings_ , were growing more intense, more intimate between them… but he hadn't expected the squirt to admit it so readily to anyone. 

It was good to be surprised sometimes; and Mike was coming to learn that Diego was certainly _full_ of surprises.

"Look, Shorty," Jake sighed, a tense pause passing between them, as the sound of movement barely tapered down the hall. "Ya on the fritz with ya folks, right? Ain't speakin' an' they hate ya; ya hate 'em back, yada yada?"

"Well," Diego's discomfort was clear. He'd talk about his family to Mike sometimes, but he generally tried to avoid the topic with others. "I mean, I don't _hate_ them…" he floundered awkwardly.

Mike wished he could see him. One of his favourite sights was that pretty blush which crept across Diego's cheeks whenever he was uncomfortable; which was pretty often.

"Then ya doin' better'n Mike already," Jake said, humming as Mike heard some bones click, assuming his best friend had just cracked his knuckles or his neck. "Ain't my place to tell ya, alright… but look at it this way; Mike _still_ ain't been home since we all got back here."

"Great, now I wanna ask even _more."_ Diego huffed petulantly, as Mike couldn't help but grin. "I'd just assumed that was just a southerner thing," Diego said, sighing irritably for a moment, before humming suddenly and continuing in a voice which was just a little too innocent. "I mean, _you_ still haven't been home either, have you?" 

Mike almost laughed, knowing Diego was spot on. But Jake's reason for not going home was much more reasonable than his own.

"Why?" Jake snorted. "Show off what a wreck I am? Let 'em feel bad 'bout how broken I am?" He demanded.

Mike could practically _feel_ his friends pain from down the hall. He was half a mind to reveal himself and intervene, protect his friend as he had been since they'd all left the island… but, maybe it was time to stop protecting him and make him face his pain. It had nearly been a year now, after all.

Mike heard Diego suck in a deep breath and exhale slowly. "... he wouldn't want this for you, Jake."

Mike winced. Nobody mentioned _him_ to Jake. He tensed, listening keenly for any sign that Jake was going to lash out, but only a stony silence lingered.

"Don't reckon he gets a say in what I feel no more." Jake finally bit out, as Mike thunked his head back on the wall, relief flooding through him. It was only a baby step, but a significant one. "He ain't here; he _left_ me. He don't get to _want_ nothin' for me." 

Mike winced. Maybe not _quite_ a baby step after all.

"Oh, Jake…" Diego murmured. Mike had to really strain himself to hear his lover. "That's not true. He didn't leave you; he hasn't left any of us! He's still-"

"Yeah." Jake said firmly, cutting off Diego's attempt at reassurance. "He _did_. Ain't no amount of wishin' an' prancin' 'round that's gonna change that neither." 

Mike shook his head sadly at his friend's pain. He'd hoped time would dull the edge of the sharp knife still buried in his heart, but he'd come to realise that Jake was merely learning to cope despite it's continued slicing within him.

He glanced up the hall, aware of the gruff sounds of movement, which no doubt heralded Jake's imminent exit of the room which Mike had cleared to act as Diego's small study. He swallowed thickly and silently slipped from the hallway, quickly making his way to the front door and ducking back outside, closing the door carefully behind him.

Going back in within the next five minutes would only make Jake suspicious of having overheard their conversation, so Mike set off down the hall, fully intent on heading to the off license three buildings down the street.

He thought as he walked, ignorant of the world around him as he considered the relationship he'd tumbled into and his lover's curiosity. Was it inevitable that he'd want to know more eventually? Was it really so bad, that he cared so much that he was curious?

No, Mike realised, it wasn't bad at all. But it was awkward, because even though he knew he _could_ simply tell Diego that it was a sore subject; and that Diego _would_ drop it… he could tell in his heart; that he didn't want to do so. He sighed, opening the door to the off license with his elbow and strolling inside, heading straight for the liquor section. He browsed the aisle curiously, finally deciding on a bottle of whiskey as well as a bottle of vodka, along with a large carton of pineapple juice.

He left the store with his purchases, frowning at the pavement as he slowly made his way back to the apartment, where he knew his best friend and lover were expecting him. The question, he supposed, was if he was ready to have the ‘family’ conversation, or whether he would duck out with barely a plausible excuse and just hope it didn’t come up again.

He sighed, irritated that he knew just how likely it was that he would avoid the subject, now he knew how badly Diego wanted to ask. He supposed it was flattering, in a way. Diego was growing confident again, wanting to know more about the man he’d been dating a little over nine months. But mostly, it was just the irritating thing.

He frowned and made his way home much slower than was really necessary, trying to clear his head and figure out just what he should do, but even as he slowly stomped up the stairs to his floor; he had come up with nothing. 

“Godammit…” he grumbled as he fished out his keys, taking a deep breath and forcing everything to the back of his mind, as he plastered a familiar cocky grin to his face and slid his key into the lock.

“Hey, Spunky!” He called as he walked in, closing the door with his heel as he tossed his keys onto the small hook by the door. “Guess who’s awesome?” He called, snickering at his own teasing. “I’ll spare ya havin’ to guess, ‘s me…”

Mike heard Diego sigh from the kitchen. He smirked as he sauntered through the living room and draped an arm over Diego’s shoulder as he stuffed some spaghetti into a pan of boiling water. “Ya know, the way ya cook just turns me on, Spunky.” He whispered in Diego’s ear, leaning close to barely graze his lips over his lover’s ear.

“Ya’d get turned on by a goddamn donut.” Jake scoffed from his other side. 

Mike turned with a grin, waggling his brows playfully. “Depends if ‘s a hot donut… with _sprinkles.”_ He said, laughing when Diego blushed furiously and Jake grimaced. “Aw, c’mon Grandpa, don’t be such a damn sourpuss… else I ain’t gonna let ya help me out with this ‘lil beaut I just picked up.” He teased, waving his bag before Jake’s eyes tauntingly.

Jake's eyes narrowed at the bag knowingly, tracking its movement eagerly. His lips twisted into a pout, but he turned away with a sniff, but he didn’t complain any further; so Mike took it as a win. “Now, how ‘bout ya say ‘thank ya, Pappa Mike’,” he murmured to Diego, kissing his fiery, red cheek softly. “An’ then I’ll get outta ya hair while ya massacre that pasta.”

Diego snorted, turning and swatting Mike’s arm as he tried not to grin. “Thanks, _Old Man_ ,” he snickered, all out laughing when Mike narrowed his eyes at him and leaned in to nip his ear playfully. “Hey! Get offa me!” He snorted, shaking his head as he pushed Mike away; but snagged the bag of booze before he could escape. “I’ll keep this ‘til the foods ready, else you’ll both be sloshed before we even get to eat it.”

Mike pouted, but allowed himself to be shooed from the kitchen by his lover. Jake followed after him, leaving Diego alone in the kitchen to cook as they settled in the living room. Mike grabbed the remote from the coffee table as he threw himself sideways onto the couch, sprawling across it with his leg draped on the far arm. “Jeez, can’t ya even sit on a damn couch normally no more?” Jake snorted, settling himself in the armchair nearby.

“This is normal.” Mike replied easily, smirking over at his best friend as he switched on the television and found a channel which was running back to back, old car racing. “Damn, lookit those beauty’s…” he whistled, eyeballing the old fashioned cars briefly, before glancing over at Jake. Nothing shut Jake up like old cars.

“‘S a goddamn Deusenberg… an’ a vintage Bugatti!” He muttered distractedly, leaning forward in his appropriated chair as he inevitably sank his attention into the show.

Mike tossed the remote back onto the coffee table, relaxing into the cushions as he stared at the television without seeing it. What was the best course of action now? Tell the truth about his family? Risk the almost certainty of Diego throwing him aside for it? Or should he fob the whole thing off and pretend they were just on the outs? Could he really do that; and risk Diego throwing him aside when he eventually, undoubtedly discovered his deceit?

His thoughts chased one another pointlessly, his eyes staring unblinkingly at the flickering images on the screen. By the time Diego had successfully ruined the simple dish he'd chosen for the night, Mike still hadn't come to a decision about what the hell he was going to do.

The three of them mostly ate in companionable silence, save for Mike who picked occasionally but mostly only poked at the thick lump of pasta and incinerated meat in a… questionable sauce. Each of them also had a drink, poured from the appropriate bottle in the bag which Mike had been and bought to kill some time before he was actually due home.

Mike's eyes darted toward Jake, who was running a commentary about just how startlingly awful Diego's cooking was; and how he still didn't understand why they didn't just have Mike cook all their meals. He thought back on his friend's attempt to protect him, a small knot of fear in his chest relaxing slightly at the thought that his friend cared enough; even still locked in his own grief, to stand by him.

He then turned his eyes to Diego, who was pointedly ignoring Jake's continuous complaints as he ate, pretending to enjoy the meal as he always did.

The knot of fear tightened again, twice as intense as before at the thought of losing his lover. He frowned thoughtfully. Was that what he really feared? Losing him? Was that really what he was most concerned about? 

He pondered the idea carefully, trying to identify his complexly twisted feelings within the tight knot in his chest. There was always a chance of the squirt calling time after learning the truth, Mike knew that well enough from his own history. Time and again, the situation had repeated itself after all, so he had no reason to doubt the outcome. But was it better to have been honest and lose him; but potentially keep his friendship? Or lose both by being deceitful and evasive?

Mike wasn't sure he actually wanted to find an answer.

He switched his thoughts off entirely, simply watching his lover as he ate quietly. He felt the familiar warmth which he always associated with Diego, spreading through his tightly knotted chest; soothing it and allowing Mike to breathe a little deeper.

In that moment, he could see the two paths before him; and only one of them held the faintest shimmer of hope at the end of it. He sighed quietly and looked back down at the table, ignoring the food as he reached for his drink and drained his glass quickly.

"So," he said as he set his glass back on the table and reached for the whiskey to pour himself a refill. "How'd ya fancy meetin' the folks?" He asked before he could lose his brief surge of courage.

Jake choked and spluttered on his latest mouthful, while Diego blinked and looked over at him in surprise. "I… um, what?" He asked, as Mike snorted and quickly drank his second glass of whiskey. "Wha- I mean… what brought this on?" Diego floundered guiltily, glancing at Jake indiscreetly as the man grimaced and chased his food down with the remainder of his own drink.

"Nothin'," Mike lied. Just because he was opening up and choosing the honest path about his family, didn't mean he had to be truthful about _everything_. "I warn ya though, I'm the handsomest bastard outta the lotta 'em, so there ain't exactly much to see." He said, his eyes on his empty glass as he idly twirled it with his fingers.

"The hell're ya bloody well thinkin', ya great dumbass?" Jake demanded hoarsely, slamming his glass down on the table and staring at Mike in disbelief. "Ya know damn well, ya hate-"

"Figured it 's time he knew." Mike replied, glancing briefly at Jake, but with such intent that his friend snapped his jaw shut with an audible click. "So whaddaya say, Spunky?" He asked, looking away from Jake's intense gaze and meeting Diego's curious gaze. "Wanna do the whole… meetin' the folks thing?"

Mike waited stiffly, watching Diego's eyes cut toward Jake questioningly, before returning to Mike, a faint frown marring his brow. "Uh," he coughed, scratching his ear thoughtfully. "I… I guess-"

"Alrighty then," Mike said cheerfully, clapping his palms together as he rose from the table and forced a sly grin. "We can head off tomorrow then Now, I better get washed up… long day an’ all. Heh, see ya after, yeah?" 

"What? Wait, Mike-" Diego called after him as he headed down the hall, the dishes on the table clattering as he bumped his hip in his haste.

Mike didn't stop, striding quickly down the hall and slipping into the bathroom; both closing and locking the door behind himself for once. He leaned heavily against the wood, closing his eyes and listening to Diego stumble up the hall after him. "Mike? Mike, wait… are you o-" Diego pausee, the door handle rattling as Mike grit his teeth together hard. "D-did you lock the door?" He asked incredulously. "You never-"

"Just been a long day, Spunky." Mike replied, turning and starting the shower. "Don't worry… 'lil Mikey ain't gonna neglect ya later." He promised, swallowing thickly as he scrubbed his hand over his jaw.

"That's not-!" Diego yelped in protest, stammering as Mike chuckled quietly. His lover was predictable if nothing else. "Sh-shut up! _Pervert_!"

Mike snorted as Diego stomped away, finally beginning to strip off his layers so he could actually take a shower. He glanced at his reflection in the mirror above the sink, eyeing himself both thoughtfully and critically; trying to imagine his family’s reactions to his new look. 

He’d managed to get a new replacement eye shortly after Diego had moved in with him. Grace and Aleister had worked hard to replicate his previous model; but giving him a more natural look than the back eyeball and the topaz iris. It was still different, in his mind. Still stood out. But he suspected that was just because he _knew_ it was different. Not real. His eyes lowered to the burns on his neck; and most of his remaining body, improved by the help of a cosmetic cream which Michelle, Grace and Quinn had all worked on together.

But the scars lingered, of course. 

He snorted and shook his head, unsure just what it was that Diego saw in his broken body. Maybe he ought to just let the squirt go now, rather than make this dumbass attempt to keep him at all. Hell, why the hell would he want to stick around for a guy like Mike; his body broken, scarred and… missing parts. He swallowed, looking down at the prosthetics he wore.

It didn’t matter how many times he saw it, his reaction was always the same. He sucked in a deep hiss of breath, holding it as he ran his eyes over the seam of where his remaining flesh met the prosthetic. Technically, he was supposed to take them off to bathe, shower and to sleep… but like hell he was going to do that.

With a grunt, he shook his head and lifted his eyes, turning to step into the shower. The hot water scalded his skin, a soft hiss escaping him as his tight shoulders relaxed. The knot of tension in his chest remained, but his body unwound around it; his thoughts carefully trained onto the water which struck his skin and nothing else.

He wasn’t sure how long he stood in the shower, only that Diego had come and knocked on the door twice; only to be reassured that Mike was fine. He just needed another minute or two. Finally, he sighed, knowing he couldn’t stay in there any longer. With a sigh, he shut off the water and stepped out, grabbing a towel and first drying his face, before vaguely rubbing at his body.

“I’m assumin’ ya bein’ here means I’m gonna be makin’ an arse of meself shortly?” Mike murmured quietly as he towelled his hair. He leaned forward and swiped his hand across the mirror, wiping a streak through the condensation and looking into the mirror curiously. “Ya always show up right before one of the gang get all touchy, feely, songified; dont’cha?” He asked curiously, eyeing the redhead who was stood beside him in the reflection.

Taylor shrugged his shoulders, grinning lopsidedly as Mike wrapped the towel around his waist. “Don’t think it’s gonna do Grandpa no favours if I do,” Mike warned, frowning when Taylor immediately lowered his eyes. “Guess that’d make ya feel bad if ya were really here, wouldn’t it?” He mused, snorting as he turned around and unlocked the door. 

Mike glanced down the hall, before slipping across the way to his bedroom, closing the door behind him and drifting over to the chest of drawers with his clothes in. “So, what is all this anyway?” He asked as he pulled out a pair of boxers, discarding his towel across the back of a chair in the corner of the room. “Guilt hallucinations, brought on by stress? Or divine intervention, when we’re most in need?”

Taylor smiled easily, shrugging his shoulders again and spreading his palms. Mike snorted at the lack of an answer, rolling his eyes as he turned away and pulled back the covers of his bed. “Well, I ain’t got any intention of leavin’ this bed ‘til we head out tomorrow mornin’,” he said, sliding beneath the covers and leaning back against the headboard with a smirk. “So unless ya gonna be havin’ me give a private show to ya, with ya ‘lil bestie…”

The rest of his taunt was quickly stifled, when a soft knock sounded on his door. “Mike?” Diego’s hesitance made Mike sigh. Perhaps he could have been just a _little_ less obvious about his discomfort.

“What the hell’re ya knockin’ for, Spunky?” He called through the door, running his hand over the stubble lining his chin. “Get ya ass in here already.” He added, smirking when Taylor rolled his eyes and sauntered along the chest of drawers towards him. 

Diego opened the door quietly, slipping inside and hesitating, before closing it again behind him. “I wasn’t sure if…” he began, scratching his arm awkwardly and biting his lip. “You don’t usually close doors, and I…”

“Heh, sometimes we just have bad body days, Spunky.” Mike said, lowering his eyes to the bed covers as he reached up over his shoulder and scratched at his back. “Ain’t easy, goin’ from bein’ a handsome bastard to a…” he trailed off, swallowing thickly in the pregnant pause which followed.

Mike couldn’t stop himself from tensing at the shift of the bed covers, as Diego knelt on the far end of the bed and carefully crawled towards him. “You’re _still_ a handsome bastard.” He said quietly, as Mike scoffed and tried to avert his face away, only for Diego’s soft and gentle palms to insistently cup his cheeks and hold him in place. “Mike, you’re _gorgeous…_ and I’m sure you were even _more_ gorgeous before that asshole Lundgren got his sick little claws into you,” he said, his fingers tentative as he slowly began to trace the thin scars which licked up over Mike’s jaw.

“If you think your looks are all there are to you, you’re wrong.” Diego said, as Mike felt his heart skip a beat in his chest. “You’re brave, determined, fiercely loyal and caring… charming; when you wanna be.” He listed, each softly spoken word accentuated with a small brush of his lips to Mike’s cheek. “I… I was in a really bad way, when you found me, Mike. But you pulled me out of that. You _saved_ me.”

“Heh,” Mike chuckled thickly, reluctantly flicking his eyes to meet the noiret’s briefly. “All in the line of duty, ya know…” he tried to joke, but the sound was hollow even to his own ears.

Silence hung over them heavily for a pause, until Diego sighed and leaned back slightly. “Mike… why did you ask me to meet your family?” He asked.

Mike drew in a deep breath, the lie already on the tip of his tongue. But after his eyes touching upon the genuine concern in his lover’s gaze, he felt the words fizzle away. “... ‘cause ‘s what ya want.” He said instead, swallowing thickly.

“What?” Diego frowned. “What the hell gave you..? Oh, you came home early.” He reasoned quickly, shaking his head regretfully. “I didn’t mean to upset you, I was just curious.” He explained. “Look, Mike… family, if it’s touchy for you; I understand. You don’t have to prove anything to me. I’m not _going_ anywhere, you know…”

“Ya might change ya mind ‘bout that, once ya meet ‘em.” Mike scoffed gruffly, rolling his eyes as he scratched harder at the back of his shoulder.

Diego frowned, watching Mike intently for a moment, before sighing and scooting closer in his lap. “Well, why don’t you just tell me about them?” He asked. “You don’t have to jump in the deep end with the ‘meeting’ thing…”

“Trust me, ain’t somethin’ I could put into words.” Mike sighed, shaking his head regretfully. “‘S just… somethin’ ya gonna have to see, to understand, alright?” He said, sighing as he managed to wriggle free of Diego’s gentle hold and turn his face to the side, staring hollowly at the floor.

"Okay…" Diego sighed. Mike could feel his eyes on him, examining him thoughtfully he knew, though he didn't dare look up at him. "So, why not at least wait awhile? I don't want to do this if you're all… strung up, tense and-"

"'S better to rip the bandaid off, Spunky." Mike insisted. "Waitin'd only make it worse. Gimme time to stress more…" he licked his lips, shaking his head as he tried to push aside his fears and plaster his trademark cocky grin to his face.

His mismatched eyes met Diego's warm gaze, his lover seeming to search him for something. Finally his eyes narrowed and he leaned forward, his forehead touching to Mike's as he nuzzled him gently. "I see through that grin of yours, Mike Darwin." He whispered, as Mike tensed unintentionally. "I don't know what's in your head…" he admitted. "But I can tell you now, whatever it is that's got you so freaked out? It's _not_ gonna scare me away." He promised, his hot breath tickling Mike's bare shoulder.

Mike shivered, his throat drying as Diego shifted in his lap, giving himself enough room to start kissing Mike's scarred neck softly. "That's a awful big promise, Spunky…" he said dismissively. "Ya can't go sayin' shit like that, when ya don't know-"

"I know everything I need to." Diego insisted, though he was fairly distracted as he replied, his fingers tracing Mike's shoulders carefully. "I know how I _feel_ . I know what I _want…_ " he said, his lips brushing across the bare skin of Mike's shoulders to his torso. "And right this second… what I want? Is to take all this worry, this _stress…_ and put it out of your mind." He murmured, sucking softly at Mike's earlobe. "Any ideas how I could do that, hmm..?"

Mike had some pretty damn good ideas, right about now; and considering he was almost certain that by this time tomorrow, Diego would have let him go, however regretfully… he figured one last mind-blast was the best finale he could give them. He swallowed to wet his dry mouth, tilting a shoulder innocently as his free hand crept over the covers and his fingers tiptoed over Diego's calf. "Well… I mean," he hummed thoughtfully, flicking his eyes up to his lover's briefly. "I guess, I could _probably_ think of somethin'..."

He felt Diego smile against his cheek, his lithe body arching as he pressed his lips to Mike's shoulder and trailed them softly over his throat; mapping his scars with a gentle affection which made Mike's heart ache. Among other parts of him. "Well," Diego murmured, his breath tickling Mike's jaw as he scuffed his lips lightly over the corner of Mike's mouth. "Why don't you have a little think then, hmm?" He whispered, his lips barely ghosting over Mike's in the briefest of kisses. "And while you think, I'll see about providing some… _inspiration_." 

Mike's heart was fit to burst, thudding heavily in his chest as Diego kissed his way over his torso, crawling backwards slowly to fully worship Mike's broken, battered body. "Damn," he cursed thickly, as Diego pushed the covers back with his feet and mouthed at the thin material which covered Mike's straining dick. He felt words rise in his throat, but he swallowed them back carefully. Giving voice to the feelings now would only make them sting more, come tomorrow. "'S a real _inspirin_ ' mouth ya got there, Spunky…" he muttered instead.

Mike glanced at the doorway at the glimpse of movement, his lips quirking into a grin as Taylor laughed silently and made a show of covering his eyes, turning around and stumbling away through the door.

Diego huffed quietly with fond exasperation, his fingers peeling back Mike's boxers and tossing them aside. The wet warmth which then encompassed him, had Mike knocking his head back heavily against the headboard and sucking in a deep, sharp breath. His fingers carded into Diego's curling hair, his eyes closing as he gave up his fears to the bliss which Diego provided; sinking into the evening he believed to be their last fully.

The morning was quiet, a heaviness in the air which brought back Diego's shy, awkwardness; seeming to sense that Mike's mood was unlikely to improve, no matter what he said. They met Jake in the kitchen, a rarity for him to be up before at least ten. "Ain't lettin' ya dumb ass go it alone." Was all he said. They each grabbed a slice of toast, though Mike was too tense to eat his, before they headed out of the apartment and down to Mike's car.

"Mike?" Diego asked after they got in, frowning as he leaned forward from the backseat. Mike glanced at Jake beside him, before looking back with his hollow, cocky grin. Diego observed him a moment longer, before dropping his eyes and shaking his head. "Nothing…" he sighed, sitting back and fastening his seat belt as Mike started the engine and drive them smoothly out of the underground garage. Mike watched as Taylor silently slipped in through the other door, sitting beside Diego in the backseat. He blinked, swallowed hard; and then looked forward again.

An hours drive brought them to the airstrip where they kept Delilah mark two, the replacement plane Jake had been given by Aleister, in apology for the loss of Delilah on the island.

Mike was still sleeping then, he recalled. Frozen in a MASADA pod, and even then; locked within his own mind. Unable to think for himself, to feel or to want. A perfect soldier. His fingers dug into the steering wheel, his teeth gritting together so tightly that he thought they might well break.

"Mike..?" Diego's concerned call made Mike blink, his pain and his fury at Lundgren fading as he turned to meet Diego's turbulent honey gaze.

"Heh, sorry Spunky," he huffed, releasing the steering wheel and kicking open the door. "Got all lost for a minute there. I'm back now." He explained.

Diego hurried to follow him out if the car, reaching to snag his hand and squeezing gently. "Mike, let's just go home… this isn't worth you feeling like this!"

Mike forced a weak, lopsided grin. "Ya don't have to come, if ya don't want…" he offered. "But I gotta go now, anyway." He said, sensing a kernel of truth somewhere in the words.

Taylor nodded from behind Diego, as the noiret frowned and squeezed his hand again. "I'm not leaving you alone." He promised, as Mike chuckled humourlessly.

"C'mon already," Jake called, having already gotten Delilah ready for them to board. "If we're doin' this stupid shit, best get it over with already." 

Mike snorted fondly, his smile a fraction more natural as he tugged at Diego's hand and led him onto the plane. He felt vaguely guilty for leaving Diego to fly mostly alone, choosing instead to co-pilot, even though he wasn't exactly needed. 

Three hours; and they'd be there. He could feel the nerves in his gut, like knives slicing through him repeatedly.

He fidgeted the whole flight. Tapping his toes or his fingers respectively, whichever Jake didn't look like he was about to reach over and snap off if Mike didn't stop anytime soon. He worried his nails, scratched at exposed skin or just poked and tapped at instruments which he really didn't need to interfere with.

By the time they landed, Jake was a simmering ball of frustration, snapping and shooing Mike from the cockpit so he could shut Delilah mark two down his own way.

"So… how far away are we?" Diego asked, springing to his feet when Mike strode down the aisle towards him. 

Mike glanced at Taylor as he rose from another seat nearby and raised a brow at Mike himself. "Uh, ain't so far…" he said evasively, clearing his throat and tipping his chin towards Diego curiously. "Ya doin' alright? Know ya ain't had the best if experiences with flyin' before."

"I'm fine," Diego said dismissively, reaching for Mike's hand and squeezing gently. "I'm not worried about _me_." He said pointedly, rubbing small circles on the back of Mike's hand with his thumb.

Mike hummed, allowing the pleasant touch to linger. He sighed when Diego stepped closer and leaned his head against Mike's chest, noticeably shaking despite his assurances that he was fine.

But Mike knew only too well, Diego's shivers had nothing to do with flying. He indulged them both a moment, curling an arm around Diego's shoulders and holding him close until the worst of his trembling had subsided. He then pressed his lips into Diego's dark hair quickly, before stepping away and flashing him a crooked grin; pretending not to notice Taylor rolling his eyes at the transparency of his expression. 

"Welp, let's get this shit show underway." He chuckled awkwardly, glancing down at his hand when Diego grabbed hold of it and stubbornly held on tight.

"Pair of ya need ya damn heads lookin' at…" Jake muttered from behind them, sighing as he threw open the door and lowered the steps out of the plane. "Dumbass… stupid…" he continued to grumble, as he trotted out ahead of them.

"Why do I feel like I should've never agreed to this?" Diego sighed, running his free hand through his hair as he frowned at Mike.

Mike grinned lopsidedly, but had no reply to give. Instead he led Diego to the door and released his hand, hesitating as his heart thudded heavily in his chest, before trotting down after him.

Jake drove them in a car which Mike was surprised even still ran. He'd left it in the hangar the last time they'd visited; the year they'd finished training at the Naval Academy and gone on to be deployed to Lundgren's command. 

Mike looked out the passenger window, vaguely aware of the passing scenery but not watching it. It felt like an entire lifetime had passed since he was last here. 

He hoped it would be another before he might ever have to come back again. Or longer, if possible.

"Wow… what is that? Some old plantation?" Diego murmured from the backseat, leaning closer to the window and peering at the sprawling lawns and tall trees which lined the driveway which Jake turned into. "Uh… wha-um, what are we… what are we doing?"

Jake chuckled, but neither he nor Mike replied. After a long pause, Diego groaned and flopped back in his seat with a sigh. "Why do I suddenly feel _really_ under dressed?" He mumbled, as Mike swallowed thickly, his eyes on the manor at the end of the drive which rapidly loomed up before them.

Mike's fingers curled tightly into his palm, digging deeper into the flesh with every inch they gained on the manor. "Doin' alright, dumbass?" Jake murmured from beside him, low enough that Diego shouldn't hear him from the back.

Mike snorted quietly, looking out his window in lieu of replying, as Jake pulled around to park a short ways from the front doors. He stared up at the ominous building, sighing heavily as he lost himself for half a heartbeat, to a life's worth of memories which he'd hoped never to recover. He flinched, glancing back at Diego when the younger's hand touched his shoulder gently. Mike forced an unconvincing smile, before opening the door and stepping out of the car.

He stared up at the imposing manor, frowning at just how perfectly the same it remained even after so many years away. He didn't acknowledge Taylor appearing through the car to stand beside him, but he could make out the redhead's silent whistle of awe from the corner of his eye. "I hate this bloody place." He sighed as he shut his door, before either Jake or Diego had joined him.

He pretended not to notice Taylor’s curiously raised brow or the sympathy in his dark blue eyes.

At the sound of both doors closing behind him, Mike turned, glancing at Jake's scowl and Diego's concerned frown, before clearing his throat awkwardly. "Uh, so…" he began, pausing as he tried and failed to find the words to explain. 

He was spared the struggle however, when the front doors creaked and slowly opened out towards them. Mike scowled, turning with a sigh to face the newcomer. “Master Hawkins, what a pleasant surprise.” An old man greeted from the middle of the doors.

“H-Hawkins?” Diego repeated quietly, as Mike winced and scowled harder at the old man before them. 

“Bloody hell, ain’t ya dead yet, ya miserable old bastard?” He demanded, folding his arms over his chest defensively. 

The old man chuckled, his wrinkled old face crinkling with warmth and amusement. “I wouldn’t want to disappoint you, sir.”

“Dammit, I told ya to quit callin’ me that, Jeeves.” Mike sneered, shaking his head as he strolled towards the old man. “What, gone senile at long last? Surprised ya ain’t been forced to retire and sent packin’ to the funny farm already.” Mike knew he was being unreasonably rude and needlessly insulting, but every second he spent in the shadow of his former home made his nerves prick and jab at him irritably. 

Regardless of his appalling behaviour, the old man merely chuckled. “Another five years of service, sir; and I’ll be free to retire.” He said, stepping back and sweeping his arm toward the interior of the house. “Please, you and your friends must be in need of refreshment. I’ve no doubt you’ve made a long journey to get here… please see them through to the parlour, and I shall inform her lady and his lordship of your return.”

Mike sighed and rolled his eyes, glancing back at Jake; who had his hands stuffed in his jacket pocket as he watched him carefully. He tipped his head into the house, and Jake responded with a sharp nod of his own, striding forward confidently and leaving Mike alone with Diego. “... wishin’ ya hadn’t come yet?” Mike asked stiffly, his expression guarded as he eyed Diego warily.

Diego frowned, stepping closer and sliding his hand into Mike’s. “I’ll never regret anything that involves me being with you.” He said, peering up at Mike intently. 

Mike felt something in his heart melt, hope rising to obscure his throat despite his best attempts to stop it. “Aye, well…” he said thickly. “Just uh, bear that in mind, I guess.” He coughed, squeezing Diego’s hand briefly, before leading him into hell with him. Or at least, in his opinion he did.

The parlour hadn’t changed since he and Jake had last visited. He supposed there had to have been a paint job at some point, given the pristine condition of the place. The entire student body of Hartfeld college probably could have fit in the damn place. As it was, there were already others present in the room; they just didn’t bother to acknowledge them as they walked in.

Mike remained quiet as he watched Taylor trot off ahead of them, his eyes wide as he examined various trinkets and other items. He even studied the other people in the room, either frowning or laughing depending on who he happened to be looking at.

“Mike..?” Diego murmured quietly, distracting Mike from Taylor’s antics and drawing him towards an ostentatious fireplace near to Jake. “What the hell is going on? Because honestly, kinda starting to freak out now…” he said, a semi hysterical giggle escaping him before he quickly bit his lip to silence himself. 

Mike sighed, running his hand through his hair in frustration. He knew the answers had to come soon. But was he ready to voice them? “I… I’m sorry, Spunky.” He said, shaking his head as he scoffed irritably. “Hell, more’n sorry. This place is a fuckin’... but like I said, ‘s the only way to be understood, yeah?” Mike hoped he was making sense, because his brain wasn’t exactly co-operating past basic commentary.

“Mike…” Diego said slowly, glancing around nervously. “Just what the hell is all this? This is… your home?” He asked uncertainly, as Mike vehemently shook his head.

“Ain’t ever been my damn home,” he replied firmly. “‘S just the place I was forced to grow up in.”

“And… Hawkins?” Diego pressed, frowning as he watched Mike wince guiltily.

“Yeah…” he sighed. “I changed me name at eighteen. When I ran away an’ joined the Navy.” He explained, holding his breath as he looked at Diego, watching him absorb the information.

“You…” he blinked, his expression shifting through several different emotions before he scrubbed his hand over his face tiredly. “Okay… _why_ did you run away exactly?” He finally asked. Mike assumed it had taken him awhile to pick a question to even ask.

“He ran away and changed his name so that we couldn’t find him, young man.” A distinct voice called, a voice which turned Mike’s blood to ice in his veins. Only faintly feminine, it was deceptive when you saw who was speaking. “Michael has always had a flare for the dramatic.”

Mike grit his teeth, turning and grimacing at the beautiful woman who was walking into the room slowly, her arm looped delicately through the arm of a handsome man who looked almost the spitting image of Mike; save for his startlingly white hair. “Ma. Pa.” He greeted coolly, ignoring Diego’s quiet gasp of surprise. “Told ya before not to call me that.”

“Yes, well, we’ve told you not to do a lot of things over the years, Michael.” His mother replied in a jovial tone, though her eyes were hard and cold as she approached him. “Such as to _not_ run off and become some, run of the mill _soldier_ … as opposed to fulfilling your role in the family.”

Mike snorted, rolling his eyes. “Aw, so sorry, Ma… must not’ve heard ya.” He said, smirking at the dark look which passed over his father’s face. “What can I say? Military life called to me.” He added lightly, grinning when even his mother flashed him a brief grimace.

“No matter, I suppose.” His mother said coolly. “You’ve returned now, so I would assume that you’ve had your little bout of fun; and are ready to settle into your responsibilities now.”

Mike laughed loudly. “Yeah, sure I have. Given up all me plans for me own life an’ come crawlin’ back to ya, beggin’ forgiveness for bein’ such a naughty ‘lil scamp.” He sneered, shaking his head as his father helped his mother to a chair and waited for her to sit, before taking a seat nearby himself. “Ya keep on wishin’, yeah? Mayhap I’ll get struck by lightnin’ some day, an’ it’ll come true for ya.”

Mike’s mother closed her eyes. He smirked, knowing she was desperately fighting not to roll them in exasperation at his taunting. “If you’re not ready to accept your duty, Michael,” she bit out between her teeth, attempting to sound calm and collected; despite Mike’s needling to get under her skin. “Then just why _have_ you come home?”

“This ain’t my goddamn home.” Mike spat, narrowing his eyes for an intense heartbeat, before forcing his tense shoulders to relax as he took a step back from the pair. "An' I told ya not to call me that. Only one fella call's me Michael... an' he's a goddamn lucky exception." He said firmly, his eyes flicking between his parents irritably.

"Boy, get to the point." His father sighed, rubbing his brow delicately with his index and middle fingers. "We could be in a business meeting right now, but we stepped out under the implication that you were returning home to take up your-”

“I already told ya, it _ain’t_ gonna happen.” Mike hissed viciously, scowling between his parents. “Only one goddamn reason I’m here, an’ that’s… well,” he paused, glancing back at Diego and drawing in a deep, calming breath. “ _He_ wanted to know ‘bout ya. I figured there’s only one way for him to really understand why I ain’t ever spoke ‘bout ya before.” He explained, his eyes softening as he watched Diego glance between him and his parents worriedly, a small blush creeping up his neck.

“Oh.” Mike’s mother drawled, delicately propping her chin in her palm. “Is this your latest bed warmer, Michael?” She asked with barely concealed disdain. “He’s hardly a looker like Annabelle. She’s still waiting on a date, you’re aware?”

“Annabelle?” Diego repeated, frowning as Jake snorted from the fireplace.

“Ah, Jacob.” Mike’s mother sneered, as she noticed him at last. “How… pleasant, to see you again.” She drawled, in a tone which suggested it was anything but.

“Aye,” Jake agreed. “I ain’t made meself puke nowhere near enough lately, so I thought I’d drop in with Mike.” He said, shrugging his shoulders as he grinned and winked at the woman who was coolly regarding him. 

“Well, you kept your promise I suppose, which is more than I expected.” Mike’s mother replied acidly, her eyes turning back to Mike as he watched Jake wince and lower his eyes to the floor. He caught sight of Taylor, shaking his head and narrowing his eyes at his mother.

“Jesus, ya can’t ever just be…” Mike began, shaking his head in frustration as he exhaled a deep breath slowly. “Bloody well tell Annabelle to live her damn life. I weren’t interested in marryin’ her at eighteen; I joined the damn Navy to get the hell outta it. What the hell more I gotta do to get it in ya damn heads?”

 _“Marry-”_ Diego choked, drawing Mike’s attention as he winced guiltily. “Mike… is that why you don’t mention your family?” He asked, his voice barely masking the hurt he clearly felt. “You’re _engaged_ and… what, am I just this… dirty little secret? A shameful adulterer?”

“Naw, it ain’t like that…” Mike tried to reason, guilt gnawing at him as he reached for Diego’s hand. “Ya seen what these assholes are like now… ya seriously think I’m anythin’ like ‘em? That I want anythin’ to _do_ with ‘em?”

“Then why the hell didn’t you just tell me all this?” Diego asked, looking around them nervously, as the others in the room began to stare.

“‘Cause-” Mike began, his jaw hanging open mutely as words failed him.

He glanced at Jake when he heard his best friend sigh with frustration. “I swear, the pair of ya are bloody dumbasses.” He scoffed, glancing at Diego but gesturing toward Mike. “He thought ya’d think less of him, alright, Shorty? He’s a _dumbass,_ an’ he thought once ya found out; ya’d pack a bag an’ hightail it outta that nice ‘lil lovenest the two of ya got goin’ on.” He said, grimacing at the mention of Mike’s apartment, which Diego had moved into close to a year ago. “D’ya get what I’m tellin’ ya here, Kid?” Jake asked, rolling his eyes while Mike swallowed thickly and slowly turned his gaze back to Diego, wanting to see his reaction for himself. “He don’t give a rat’s ass ‘bout none of these jackasses… he’s just terrified of losin’ _you_.”

Mike watched the shock strike Diego like a punch in the gut. His eyes widened, his lips parting into a perfect circle as he looked up at Mike in disbelief. Mike saw Taylor behind them, silently cheering and clapping as he made kissy faces at Mike; but he wasn’t able to follow the obvious orders. Instead he focused his eyes on Diego, waiting with baited breath for the noiret to say something. _Anything._

“Is… is that true?” He finally mumbled, his cheeks slowly dusting with pink.

Mike huffed an exasperated snort, shaking his head as he grinned at Diego lopsidedly. “Ya really think I’d wanna hang around any of these assholes if I had a choice?” He scoffed. “Anytime I got to the whole, ‘folk-talk’ point with anyone, all went down the pisser real quick, ya know? Like, they’re gone next mornin’ when ya wake up, kinda quick.” He said, trying to keep the nervous lilt from his voice. “Folk either thought I was just makin’ shit up, found out I was lyin’ when I said my folks weren’t around no more, or I tried bringin’ ‘em here… an’ they just couldn’t handle bein’ in any kinda ‘relationship’ with someone who’s folks could ruin ‘em without ever even thinkin’ ‘bout losin’ sleep over it.”

“So that’s why you brought me here?” Diego asked, raising a brow in unknown mimicry of Taylor, as the redhead stepped up behind him. “You thought I wouldn’t believe you if you told me, but you thought I’d leave if you didn’t?”

Mike shrugged, his throat too thick to voice a suitable answer. Diego seemed to see it for himself however, his shoulders noticeably relaxing as he bit his lip and fidgeted slightly, peeking up at Mike shyly as he tried to repress a grin. “So… it’s not that I’m not, not good enough, or something?”

Mike laughed, shaking his head as his shoulders drooped. “Spunky, ya way outta _my_ broken ass’s league… I dunno why the hell ya makin’ do with a loser like me,” he said, grinning lopsidedly as Diego leaned against him. “But hell, I ain’t dumb enough to complain ‘bout it.”

“Great,” Jake scoffed from beside the fireplace, rolling his shoulders as he stepped forward. “Ya spilled ya secret ya Lordship, ya got the fella; can we get the hell _outta_ this place? I feel dirty bein’ ‘round all these damn snobs.” He sighed.

Mike laughed again, relieved at the feel of Diego’s hand in his own, warm and solid; and most definitely _not_ going anywhere anytime soon. “Yeah, yeah. Why dont’cha get the car ready to roll while we wrap up here?” He offered, grinning at Jake’s grunt of a reply.

“Really, Michael? Are we to go through all of this again in another decade?” His mother sighed, drawing his attention to her as Jake stomped away. “Don’t you think it’s time you give up all these little… distractions, and grow up?”

Mike sucked in a deep breath, exhaling slowly as he tried to find the right words to finally put his past behind him. “Ma, I know ya ain’t ever listened to me before… but ya gonna have to get this through ya damn stubborn head.” He said, ignoring his father’s look of warning at his disrespectful tone. “I ain’t ya ‘lil boy, I ain’t some pet ya gonna train to wag it’s damn tail on command. I ain’t Michael Hawkins, entitled an’ privileged ‘lil snot.” He said, standing to his full height and scowling across the room. “I’m Mike Darwin. War hero, adventurer, pilot… goddamn _amazin’_ lover…”

 _“Mike!”_ Diego hissed, swatting his arm as Mike snickered at the heavy pink tinge in his cheeks. He caught Taylor sauntering around them, a smirk on his lips as he waggled his brows at Mike suggestively.

“I got my life sorted, I’m happy.” Mike concluded, glancing between his parents. “Ain’t that supposed to be what folk want for their kids? Happiness? Lo- _ahem_...” he coughed awkwardly, forcing his eyes to remain on his parents as he felt Diego’s gaze burning into the side of his head, while Taylor laughed gleefully.

“Oh for pity’s sake,” his mother sighed, rolling her eyes. “Honestly, Michael, you’re being ridiculous. You have a life here, if you’d just stop running away from it, you’d be perfectly happy with it, I’m sure.” She insisted.

Mike shook his head with a sad huff, looking up at the beautiful but emotionally hollow woman who was supposed to be his mother. “Ya ain’t ever really got me, have ya?” He asked, clucking his tongue thoughtfully. “I mean, ya weren’t even around when I were a kid, so how the hell could ya?” He snorted.

“Oh, come now boy, we were around plenty when you were a child… filled with endless silly notions, like all children are.” His father scoffed. “What else is there to know, other than that you never outgrew your need to behave like a disobedient child?”

Mike snorted, his eyes flicking between his parents with rising contempt as the pair looked back at him coolly. Expectantly. He caught sight of Taylor, wandering behind them. The redhead winked at him, raising a brow again as he had earlier when he and Diego had been examining him.

“The pair of ya ain’t ever listened to a damn thing I had to say!” Mike argued, his heart thudding heavily against his chest as he scowled between them, his temper rising at their continued insistence that he was still just ‘acting out’. “Ya ain’t ever given two hoots ‘bout nothin’ but ya dumb names, the business an' makin' sure others know damn well not to cross ya's."

"Oh? Are you still sore I wouldn't kiss your booboos better when you were a foolish child, running through the grounds even when we'd explicitly told you not to?" His mother asked boredly.

Mike was about to respond, but Diego's hard voice startled him to a halt before he began. "He was a _child!_ " He scolded. " _Your_ child! That's what kids are _supposed_ to do!"

His father sighed, shaking his head as he blatantly ignored Diego's interruption. "Perhaps I wasn't firm enough with you, like I was your brother."

"Brother?" Diego blinked, looking up at Mike in surprise, though he was too busy glaring at his father to notice.

"Pfft, yeah; grand job ya did there, Pa **."** He snorted, rolling his eyes. "That piss for brains wouldn't go 'gainst ya if ya were askin' him to sign his own damn death warrant. Ya saw to that, beatin' the snot outta him as he was growin' up." He snarled, narrowing his eyes at his parents hatefully.

"Honestly, Michael, I don't know where the devil we went wrong with you." His mother drawled, shaking her head at him sadly. "After everything we did for you."

Mike scoffed, staring at the pair in disbelief as he felt his frustration at them reaching a level which he'd never thought possible. Taylor sauntered around the back of their chairs, flashing Mike a grin as he made a sweeping gesture towards the two, winking in encouragement.

Mike sighed, guessing what was to come as he heard the pinprick of music in his ears. Knowing what the others had all claimed after their outbursts, he figured it would be easier to give in and let it happen. " _It wouldn't take a long time to explain what lies between us,"_ he muttered lowly, his irritated gaze on his parents. " _An' it wouldn't take a genius to work out what the scene is…_ " he scoffed, strolling towards his parents slowly. " _It might just take a pilot to give you a natural high!"_ He sang, gesturing roughly at himself, before sweeping his arm across a table beside his father, knocking over a stack of paperwork with a scowl. " _But ya sendin' off those bottle tops for ya free piece of mind…"_

Mike shook his head, walking around his parents and eyeing them coolly as they remained seated rigidly in their seats. " _An' are_ **_you_ ** _... just wavin' or drownin'?"_ He wondered, spreading his palms as he grinned and backed away from them again. _"It's so hard to tell when ya so far away…"_

Mike smirked as he glowered at his parents, a tight ball of relief building in his chest, as Taylor whooped and cheered silently as he sauntered and shimmied through the parlour. " _Oh, innocence has passed ya by a long, long time ago... I was the fly upon ya wall an' I saw what ya know."_ Mike crooned, winking at a fat man sat on the opposite side of the room. " _Ya pornographic priestess left ya for another guy,"_ he said as he pointed at the man, ignoring the scarlet which tinged his face. " _Ya frighten little children an' ya always wonder why… always wonder why…"_

Mike shook his head as he paused, turning and taking Diego's hand in his own and leading him across the parlour with a grin. " _The mercury is rising an' it ain't all that surprising, in the land of milk an' honey where ya make... big money!"_ He sang, rubbing his fingers together suggestively as Diego laughed quietly. Mike led him to a table where a young man with blond sat, looking through books of figures. " _An' it always keeps the rain off an' it always keeps ya dry…_ " he sang, using his free hand to lift a toupee from the young man's head and waving it like a dishrag, as the young man started and looked up at Mike in surprise. " _But back home the people hate ya an' ya never did know why."_ He sighed at the young man, pressing the toupee to his face and leading Diego away.

 _"But I think... I'm goin' to tell ya,"_ he said teasingly, winking at Diego playfully before turning towards his parents. " _Just gimme fifty thousand Euro's for my thoughts!"_

Mike spread his palms, turning a full revolution as he sucked in a deep breath. _"Oh, innocence has passed ya by a long, long time ago…"_ he roared, shaking his head as he looked around the room. _"I was the fly upon ya wall an' I saw what ya know!"_ Mike pointed to a small girl sat near the back of room. _"The supermarket checkout girl once smacked ya in the eye,"_ he sang, smirking when she flushed guiltily. He turned, sauntering a large man with a plate of food; who was chewing noisily as he ate. _"When you eat no one else does but ya always wonder why... always wonder_ why!" He sang teasingly, ducking around the large man as he cocked playful finger guns at him.

Mike scowled as he looked around the room, hating everything about it, every memory associated with it and every person, save Diego, currently in it. He looked at his father, shaking his head at the bored exasperation in the man's expression.

Mike raised his hand, pointing his finger at his father like a gun. _"It would take a gunshot just to clear ya head awhile,"_ he sneered, miming the pull of a trigger, before turning his eyes to his mother and spreading his arms. _"And after all this time how can ya stand there… look at me an' smile?"_ He demanded, not waiting for a reply before he dropped his arms to his sides and turned away, shimmying with Taylor as the redhead beamed at him.

After a moment's pause, Diego joined him, the pair smiling as they danced with gentle hip swaying and shoulder rolling, while Taylor pointedly stepped back with a grin.

 _"Now are_ **_you_ ** _just wavin' or drownin'?"_ Mike sighed a short time later, turning slowly to face his parents, who seemed vaguely interested in his behaviour at last. _"It's so hard to tell when ya so far away…"_

Mike shook his head, narrowing his eyes into a scowl. _"Oh, innocence has passed ya by a long, long time ago…"_ he roared, holding up a finger to his temple and tapping thoughtfully. _"I was the fly upon ya wall an' I saw what ya know,"_ he said with a wink, his father paling briefly at something which he knew his mother was _still_ unaware of. _"Degeneration suits ya, now I'm goin' home; so cry."_ He spat, sneering as he curled his arm around Diego's shoulders and drew him close to his side. _"Ya won't be seein' me again but ya'll always wonder why… always wonder why!"_

Mike felt the tight ball of relief in his chest begin to crack; but it did not burst like a bubble, as he'd expected. Instead, with every step he took to lead Diego from his parents, their house and the life he'd never wanted to be forced to live; Mike felt the relief ooze from the tight ball, like a long needed serum, soothing his frazzled nerves.

In the entrance way he paused, looking back to see the old man who'd first greeted them. "Oi, Jeeves, ya wanna get outta this damn place already." He said. "Go spend ya last days with ya daughter, 'fore they suck 'em all outta ya."

The old man smiled. "It's for my daughters sake, and her children's sake's, that I must remain." He said calmly.

Mike frowned. "Screw that horseshit... here." He said, grabbing a slip of paper from a table beside a phone, just the other side of the old man. He quickly wrote some details which he knew by heart, double checking them just in case, before stuffing the paper into the old man's hand. "Passwords 'assholes', take everythin' an' get the hell outta this hell hole while ya still bloody well can..." he said, pausing before grinning lopsidedly. "That's an order now, ya hear?"

The old man blinked, a slow smile spreading across his face which made him look ten years younger. "As you wish… mister Darwin."

Mike snorted, shaking the man's hand before returning to Diego, pausing to look at Taylor beside him. "That it? All partied out, now ya off again?"

Taylor grinned and shrugged his shoulder, a silent huff of breath exaggerated by the way he fanned himself with one hand. 

"Yeah those assholes drain the life outta ya without even tryin'," he snorted in reply, shaking his head fondly. "Gotta admit, I'm gonna miss ya Kid."

Taylor smiled, winking as he gestured to Diego.

"Well… sometimes I'll miss ya," he amended, grinning when Taylor laughed silently at Diego's pink blush, having clearly guessed Mike's meaning.

Taylor laughed his silent laugh again, smiling as he gestured to Mike, Diego and then out the front doors curiously.

"Yeah, we'll take care of him." He promised, nodding as he held out his hand.

Taylor smiled, a hint of sadness in his dark blue eyes as he stretched his hand out in mimicry of Mike's gesture, his hand hovering carefully so he wouldn't pass through Mike's flesh. 

"See ya, Kid." Mike huffed thickly, as Taylor blinked and smiled. Mike closed his eyes and took a deep breath; and when he reopened them, Taylor was gone. He lowered his hand slowly, smiling when Diego's hand crept into it gently.

"He's gone again?" He asked quietly. Mike nodded, eyeing the place where Taylor had been with a small frown. "What is it? What's wrong?" Diego pressed, watching Mike with obvious concern.

Mike hesitated, before clearing his throat quickly. "I was just thinkin' that," he murmured, sighing as he looked up through the doors which led to his freedom. "Workin' on the assumption that everyone in this 'lil ragtag group's gonna be seein' him… well," he sighed, shaking his head slowly. "I ain't so sure how Grandpa's gonna take it, is all." He admitted.

Diego squeezed his hand reassuringly. "We'll be here to help him." He promised.

"Aye." Mike agreed. He inhaled deeply, looking around the inside of the manor one last time. He paused, a slow grin forming as an idea occurred to him. "Say, er…" he coughed, peeking down at Diego playfully. "Seems a shame to waste this chance to leave a final 'fuck you' behind, huh..?"

Diego's cheeks darkened as he glanced around, biting his lip uncertainly. "Really? _Here_ ?" He whispered, his hand squeezing Mike's tighter as he pressed himself closer. " _Now?_ "

"I'm game if _you_ are, Spunky." Mike teased, grinning as Diego blushed and glanced around again, before nodding quickly. "Heh, see, this is why I love ya." Mike snickered, squeezing Diego's hand back as he blinked and stared at Mike in surprise.

"Y-you…" he stammered, as Mike grinned and darted a look around the manor, before quickly tugging Diego down one of the hallways. "Y-y-you just s-said…" he huffed, as Mike dragged him up a flight of stairs to a bedroom which was decked out with enough finery that it could be fit for a king.

"Hold that thought, yeah?" Mike whispered as his hands cupped Diego's cheeks and drew him into a soft but eager kiss. 

Diego clutched at Mike's shoulders, pulling him closer as Mike devoured his lips hungrily and then quickly moved on to his throat, his hands busy with buttons and zips. He heard Diego gasp as his teeth scraped the pulse point in his neck, his lips quirking into a grin as the noiret's fingers curled tightly into his hair. "... love you too…" Diego murmured thickly.

Mike closed his eyes at the returned confession and relished the warm sense of _rightness_ which throbbed in his chest, his body feeling more whole than it had since it had been broken years before. He felt a weight lift from his shoulders and sensed in his heart, that the future which they would carve together, would only get better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song; Innocence - Kirsty MaCcoll
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7qZ2KFRaYtA


	12. Something To Believe In

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, its not one i have much faith in  
> I would have posted this and the others last night but i was too busy being a mess and went to sleep
> 
> Hope you enjoy it
> 
> x My love to you all x

**Something To Believe In**

Quinn bit her lip as she peeked around the curtain at the back of the stage. It didn’t matter how many times she met the young and the brave like this, she still found herself entertaining butterflies in her stomach. Every darn time.

" _Ooooh…_ I think I'm gonna be sick." She whimpered, letting the curtain fall back into place with a sigh. "Oh… oh, oh, _oh!_ " She gasped, running her hands through her hair and tugging at the long strands nervously.

"Quit being so dramatic." Estela's calm voice soothed Quinn's raw nerves, but she was still jumpy and restless. "You know that the second you go out there, do your thing and be awesome; you'll soon settle right down."

"Yes, Quinn," Kele agreed warmly. "You're always so amazing out there… you know how they all feel, you know how to talk them through everything honestly, but without scaring them."

Quinn felt herself grow warm under their praise. It was mostly true; the nerves were more stage fright than genuine fears, but they still threatened to swamp her regardless. She wondered if she should feel more awkward, with her friends relationship having taken a turn toward the romantic, but despite her previous feelings for Kele and the love which she still felt for him; she was happy for them.

"I just… what if I say something wrong and it upsets one of them? What if they start a riot?" She worried, shaking her head in frustration.

"Quinn, chill, yeah?" Craig said, pausing as he carried a large wooden table with one hand to help the rest of the volunteers with setting up. "You'll be aces, chyeah?"

Quinn smiled, forcing herself to relax. "Thanks, Craig." She said, taking a deep, calming breath. "You're sweet… I'll try to remember your help everyon-"

"Totes, Quinn," Craig laughed before she could finish. "Hell, y'all _know_ you gotta be doin' something right to have got such a bigwig donors coming down to check your fundraiser out." He added, gesturing through the curtain towards the back of the hall.

"What?" Quinn yelped, rushing to peek again as Craig walked off with an amused huff. "Oh… _my god_ !" She squealed, trembling as she turned around and faced her friends with wide eyes and her hand covering her mouth. "Blaire Hall just walked in, with Silas Prescott." She choked, fanning herself as she began to hyperventilate. "Oh my god… oh my, _oh my_ **_god!_ **" 

"Oh crap," Estela sighed, as Kele quickly fetched a brown paper bag from a cupboard nearby. "So much for calming her down." 

"At least she wasn't on stage when she saw them." Kele reasoned quietly, though both their voices were dulled by Quinn's rising panic.

Why was Grace's mother here? Could she really go out there and face that crowd; knowing she was out there with Silas Prescott, watching her every move with their hawk like business person eyes?

Heck no.

"Oh _god_. Oh god, oh god, oh god…" Quinn gasped, breathing quickly in and out of the bag which Kele handed her. "I can't… I can't-"

"Why is Quinn panicking this time?" Diego's voice made her glance up, waving vaguely in his direction as she held the bag over her mouth and tried to take deep breaths.

"Heh, take it 'lil Red's seen ya guests of honour." Mike drawled, grinning lopsidedly and waving back at Quinn lazily with the arm which he'd slung over Diego's shoulders.

Quinn's heart lifted slightly at the sight of them together, certain something had shifted between the pair. They seemed more natural, certainly at ease with each other. She hoped it lasted. There were only two other people she could say she had ever seen so utterly right and whole together… and they were only a half now.

"H-hi guys," she wheezed, swallowing a deep gulp of air and consequently coughing noisily. " _Kff! Kff!_ Th-thanks for c-coming!" She gasped, her eyes grateful as Diego slid from beneath Mike's arm and knelt before her, easing the paper bag back over her mouth.

"Oh, Quinn…" he sighed, smiling as he shook his head with exasperation. "What _are_ we gonna do with you, Missy?" He huffed, his smile growing when she managed a breathy giggle at his efforts. 

"I got some ideas, if ya wanna-" Mike inserted with an innocent grin.

"Shut up, Mike." Diego snorted in reply, without bothering to look back at him.

Quinn giggled again at their banter, smiling between them as her panic was dulled by the gentle warmth of their comfort. "Thanks, guys." She said.

"C'mon, Missy…" Diego said, bumping his fist to her shoulder gently. "You know you can do this. You go out there and do what you do best. You tell them all those beautiful things you see in the future and fill them all full of hope; and you _shine_!"

Quinn snorted, biting her lip as she lowered her eyes to hide the fact she was rolling them. "You're such a doofus, Diego." She giggled, looking up at him with a warm smile. "But you're also a really good friend. Thank you." She said, offering Diego both her hands.

Diego grinned and held her hands, rising to his feet and tugging her along with him. "Right back at you, Missy." He huffed, drawing her into a brief hug.

"Datin' nearly a damn year an' the best, derogatory nickname ya can give is bloody _Missy_!" Mike complained, draping himself over Diego again as the noiret himself rolled his eyes.

“Shut up, Mike.” He repeated, as Quinn finally gave an honest laugh. “You know, this is why nobody invites us anywhere.” He grumbled, pouting up at his lover in exasperation.

“No,” Quinn giggled. “Nobody invites you places because you’re all sickeningly sweet and you put us into comas of cute overload.” She said, laughing when Diego threw her a withering glare in response.

“Gee, thanks Quinn, that’s so much better.” He sulked, rolling his eyes as Quinn laughed and hugged him quickly.

“Well,” she said, taking a deep breath as she tried to ignore the reignited butterflies in her stomach. “How about I let you go out there and introduce me, to make up for it?” She offered, smiling at him sadly. “You know… seeing as my dad couldn’t be here this time…” she added innocently.

“Urgh,” Diego groaned, turning to Mike and planting his face in his lover's chest. “Women are _devious_.” He complained, as Mike snorted unsympathetically. “Alright, alright… fine. Just… don’t expect me to bail you out every time you’re a man down!” He threatened playfully, sighing heavily before forcing a smile to his face and walking away to greet the audience. 

Quinn stepped up beside Mike, her arms folded innocently behind her back. “... he’ll totally do it every time, won’t he?” She asked airily, as Mike folded his arms over his chest and snorted.

“In a heartbeat, Cupcake.” He snickered, winking at her warmly as she giggled.

Quinn stepped closer to the curtain, peeking out at the crowd as she bit her lip nervously, and listened in to Diego’s introduction.

"... so thank you again to all of our sponsors, but more importantly; to all of our participants!" He called to them all, his lopsided grin clearly infectious as several people smiled back at him. " _Your_ inventions and experiments have made this year's Fighting Chance competition; the most successful ever!" He cried, raising enthusiastic cheering from the excited crowd. After a few moments to allow people their gleeful cheers, he raised his hands to quiet the crowd. "Before we announce the awards, I'd like to ask that you all give a very warm welcome to the most inspiring person I know... a very good friend of mine; and founder of the amazing Kelly Foundation, Quinn Kelly!" He cheered, bowing with a flourish and a grin, before breaking into applause with the crows.

Quinn sucked in a deep breath and hopped up on stage. She rolled her eyes at Diego’s smug grin, but gave her friend a warm and grateful hug, before turning to beam at the crowd while Diego made a quick escape off the back of the stage.

"Welcome everyone! I'm so glad to see you all at our fifth annual competition!" Quinn called warmly, gazing out at the sea of faces in awe. "I can personally vouch, for the impact your work is going to have, on the chronic illness community..." she said, scanning the crowd thoughtfully, as her expression turned somber. "Ten years after my diagnosis of Rotterdam's... I contemplated suicide.” She said quietly, watching the various expressions people wore. “Between the zoo if doctors, the constantly changing medications, and the strain on my family... I asked myself, 'Was _I_ really important enough, for dozens of people to spend most of their lives just trying to keep me going'?" She explained, swallowing heavily before she brightened into a small sunny smile.

"I told my father what I was feeling..." She said, pausing to swallow thickly. "... And he held my hand and said, 'Honey, every life is worth fighting for. Just because one person needs more help to live, doesn't make their life any less worthy or meaningful... It doesn't mean they have less potential to change the world, or that their life doesn't also help others'." She said, pausing to look around the multitude of faces below her with a look of deep empathy. "That's _why_ the Kelly Foundation exists. To fight for _every_ life. You should all be so, so proud of the work you've presented today. To anyone here, who takes fifty pills a day, just to function... To anyone who loses sixteen vials of blood to testing, and then goes back to work... To anyone who fights against their own body, on a daily basis... You are; _phenomenal_ ." She said, her eyes watering as she stared around the faces staring up at her. "You are a warrior. You are stronger than you know, and you deserve every moment of time you have. And I won't stop fighting, until you; until _all_ of you, defy your doctors expectations!" She cried, as the crowd erupted into ecstatic applause.

“What if you can’t?” A voice called once the noise had begun to subside.

Quinn frowned, searching the crowd for the speaker. “I’m sorry?” She called, trying to see through the smiling faces to one which clearly wasn’t.

“What if you can’t help us beat our doctors expectations?” The voice called again, as Quinn’s heart leapt into her throat. “What if we’re only expected to make it to the end of the month, if we’re lucky?” They called, the crowd parting as a wheelchair approached; the young girl seated within, gazing up at Quinn with watery eyes. “What the hell are you going to do, if we can’t somehow find a miracle cure?!”

Quinn took a step back, unnerved by the accusatory tone. It wasn’t exactly uncommon for someone to be disgruntled or to be upset at their personal situation, but it wasn’t something Quinn thought she would ever be used to. “I’m sorry, but that’s not-” she began, only to flinch and step back again, stumbling to her knees when the young girl threw a glass bottle at the stage. “ _Ah!”_

“Hey!” Diego yelled, rushing onto the stage with Mike and standing protectively before Quinn. “There’s no need for throwing shit at her! She’s trying to help you, _all_ of you-”

“And what the hell would you know?” The girl demanded, her watery eyes hard as she stared at Diego. “Someone who has never been told with certainty that they’re _going_ to die before they can even reach the end of their teens?!”

“Hey, don’t be givin’ him any grief, Girly,” Mike called firmly, narrowing his eyes at the girl. “These’re two of the bravest folk I ever met, fought to keep ‘emselves alive too many damn times to count… an’ ain’t never blamed no one else for the shit hand they got dealt.”

Quinn tried to calm her frantic pulse, her eyes stinging as she felt her breath come too quickly, fear clutching at her as she saw her entire rally go down the drain. All the hard work everyone had put in, all the sponsors watching; _Blaire Hall and Silas Prescott._ She sucked in urgent gulps of air as Mike and Diego hid her from the crowd, defending her as she lost control of her panic… until a hand extended towards her. 

Quinn looked up, as the hand slid into her view, about to jerk backwards in surprise, when she felt herself instead calming. “Taylor..?” She whispered, staring up at him with wide eyes; her breathing almost normal as she forgot about her fears for a brief moment.

Taylor watched her intently for a long moment, before he broke out in a familiar sunny smile. Quinn’s heart leapt at the sight, her hand reaching eagerly for his; only to pass straight through it like a hologram. “Oh…” she gasped, blinking rapidly to try and process what she had just seen. “You’re…”

Taylor gave a regretful shrug, his chest rising in a silent sigh, before he smiled over at her fondly. He gestured toward the front of the stage, rolling his eyes and then fanning himself dramatically.

“Oh, Taylor… it was all going so well,” Quinn gushed, covering her face with her palms. “What the hell am I supposed to do? This is all ruined! I’m never going to convince Blaire and Silas to-” she broke off with a soft sob, shaking her head as she tried to get a hold of herself.

When she finally lowered her hands from her face, Quinn found Taylor crouched before her, his dark blue eyes intent as he reached slowly to hover his hand just above her chest, before gesturing toward the angry young girl in the wheelchair. 

Quinn’s eyes followed the gesture, her brow furrowing in confusion as she laid her hand over her chest and felt the rapid thud of her heart beneath her fingertips. “I don’t…” she murmured, shaking her head as she looked back at Taylor.

Taylor grinned mischievously, an expression Quinn remembered all too well meant only trouble would be coming; yet she didn’t feel afraid. She felt the thud of her heart begin to steady, a rush of energy rising from her gut as Taylor stood and towered over her, repeating his gesture to Quinn; and then the young girl in the audience.

Quinn swallowed heavily, closing her eyes and listening to the thud of her heart, the rhythm seeming to call to her as she tried to fathom Taylor’s cryptic meaning. As she thought, she felt the restless energy continue to build within her, seeking escape as it bubbled up her throat. “ _I wish I was someone else…”_ she whispered, her lips trembling as she heard Mike and Diego stop their arguing mid sentence. “ _I'm confused, I'm afraid... I hate the loneliness!”_ She said louder, opening her eyes and peering at Taylor with a vaguely confused frown. “ _And there's nowhere to run to,_ ” she sang, rising slowly to her feet. “ _Nothing makes any sense... but I still try my hardest!”_ She said firmly, her heart leaping at Taylor’s excited grin, as he gestured again to the girl in the wheelchair.

Quinn looked toward her again, seeing not the fierce and angry girl who’d thrown a glass bottle at her; but a young girl, a child really, who was terrified of what lay before her… just as Quinn had once been herself. “ _Take my hand…”_ she whispered, walking slowly between Mike and Diego as she knelt down on the edge of the stage before the girl and extended her hand towards her, pressing her other hand over her heart. “ _Please help me, man!”_

Quinn smiled warmly, her eyes gentle as the young girl frowned at her uncertainly. “ _'Cause I'm, looking for... something to, believe in!”_ She sang gently, waiting as the girl’s expression slowly morphed from angry to sad, scared and hopeful all in one. “ _And I don't know where to start,”_ she whispered, winking at the girl encouragingly. “ _And I don't know where to begin… to begin…”_

Quinn sighed as the girl hesitantly reached for her hand, her skin seeming oddly brittle as Quinn gently folded her hand around the girl’s. “ _If I was stupid or naive,”_ she said, ducking her head as her smile grew. “ _Trying to achieve what they all call contentness,”_ she murmured, swallowing back the lump in her throat as she felt the girl’s pain as if it were her own; as it had been, only a year ago. “ _If people weren't such dicks…”_ she whispered, smiling when the girl huffed and giggled quietly, wiping her eyes with her free hand. “ _And I never made mistakes… then I could find forgiveness!”_ She sang, carefully squeezing the girl’s hand.

Quinn smiled again, letting the girl pull her hand away and rising to her feet, but keeping her eyes on the girl as she backed away a step. “ _Take my hand,_ ” she said, beaming down at the girl brightly. “ _Please help me, man!”_ She cried, spreading her arms wide as she raised her eyes and swept them over the curious crowd before her. 

_“'Cause I'm, looking for... something to, believe in!”_ Quinn sang to the audience, her eyes moving slowly over the faces which were filled with awe and wonder, hope and tearful joy. “ _And I, don't know where to start…”_ she said, shaking her head as she folded her arms inward and clutched at her heart. “ _And I don't know where to begin... oh no!”_

Quinn smiled as she turned and trotted to the nearest stairs, hopping down off the stage into the crowd and taking peoples hands, encouraging those who could to dance with her. Soon the whole floor was moving, as Quinn shimmied her way through to the girl in the wheelchair and bent close to give her a small hug. When she pulled away, she smiled brightly; the girl returning the gesture shyly, before Quinn winked and danced away, twirling up the stairs on the opposite side of the stage and making her way to the centre.

She couldn’t help her heart skipping a beat at the sight of her lost friend, waiting for her as he danced giddily in the centre of the stage. “ _I can't be someone else…”_ she whispered as she came close to him, sniffling quietly when he playfully made as if to scuff her chin with his fist, while their hips swayed to a beat which Quinn could feel pounding in her blood.

 _“I don't feel that it's hopeless!”_ Quinn cried, facing the crowd as she danced closer to the edge of the stage. “ _I don't feel that I'm useless!”_ She yelled louder, raising her fist in the air boldly.

Quinn gazed around all the faces gazing up at her, alive with hope and laughter as they danced to the beat which she’d set in motion. “ _I... can't throw it all away,”_ she said, swallowing thickly. “ _I need some courage to find my weakness.”_ She cried, pressing her palm flat over her heart. “ _And... with your love, I know with all my heart we can win!”_

Quinn extended both her hands toward the crowd, smiling brightly when they began to sing along with her. “ _'Cause I'm, looking for... something to, believe in!”_ They chanted together, as Quinn beamed and fought to keep from crying as she led them. “ _And I just need something to believe in!”_ She cried, pointing down to the girl in the wheelchair. 

“ _I'm, looking for... something to, believe in!”_ She cheered, smiling warmly when the girl joined in with her shyly. “ _And I just need something to believe in!”_ She sang, laughing as she turned to see Taylor spin in a circle and dramatically throw his hands into the air, just as the crowd broke into raucous applause.

Quinn smiled at her friend, her heart aching with the desire to feel him in her arms again as he grinned back at her and winked, before tipping his chin towards the audience before her. “Thank you.” She whispered, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. “Miss you…” she added thickly.

Taylor’s dark eyes softened, his hand once more rising to hover before her chest. “Oh, I know.” Quinn giggled, looking up at him with a watery smile. “There’s no escape for you!” She whispered.

Taylor laughed silently, gesturing again towards the crowd before the stage. Quinn turned to see Blaire Hall and Silas Prescott had moved closer, clearly intrigued by what was happening.

Quinn closed her eyes and drew in a deep breath, exhaling slowly as she peeled her eyes open again. “There are so many times, that you will feel scared… that you will feel alone, or that you will be hurting.” She said gently, extending both hands towards the audience. “But you're not alone. Look around you! Everyone here, is just the same! You’re scared, You’re brave! You’re the most extraordinary people… and we will fight not just for you, for today; but for tomorrow, and everyone else like you who is scared and who couldn’t be here today.” She said, gesturing around them all emphatically.

“I am _so_ proud to have met, each and every one of you…” Quinn went on, turning to smile at Taylor; though her expression faltered briefly, when she discovered she was alone on the stage again. “If we stand together,” she said distractedly, shaking her head and smiling again as she covered her heart with her hand. “There’s no way we won’t win!”

The audience erupted into a mad rush of cheering, clapping and crying. Quinn giggled as she waved for a moment, before moving to the stairs. “Miss Kelly…” she looked up at the sound of her name, meeting the cool gaze of Blaire Hall. “We were wondering if we might have a moment of your time..?” The woman pressed, offering her hand. “We were… rather impressed with what we saw. We’d like to talk about sponsoring The Kelly Foundation.”

Quinn smiled, taking a deep breath to calm the brief jump in her pulse. “Of course,” she said warmly, shaking first Blaire and then Silas’ hands, her nerves fading away beneath a tide of certainty that things would come right. “I’d like that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song; Something To Believe In - The Ramones
> 
> https://youtu.be/YBgnibGT32g


	13. The Whole Of The Moon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldnt get this all finished like i hoped  
> I dont knkw how long it will take me to get there anymore and hobestly? I dont know if i will at all
> 
> I dont know if its worth it to keep writing anymore
> 
> I love music, i love ES; i love you guys that read and comment ad kudos and just, make me feel like i am not a total failure in my life
> 
> But i cant take this... idk, its like my heart is so buried rn i cant access it anymore
> 
> I want to, i really do  
> But i just dont know if its a part of me anymore. 
> 
> I struggled so hard to do this, for so damn long  
> But thats a me problem i guess
> 
> I hope you enjoy the chapter, sorry its not very good
> 
> x My love to you all x

**The Whole Of The Moon**

Raj hummed as he bustled about the familiar kitchen, a strange sense of rightness throbbing in his veins at being back in the very place he had never expected any of them to return. True, it was remodelled; having collapsed not long after-

But, Raj tried not to think about that.

Instead he threw himself into his cooking, mastering new dishes as he travelled the world and then finally, began filming his creations at home with Craig and Zahra’s help.

Within six months he'd established himself a hefty following, and after eight months; he'd secured a fifteen minute slot in the afternoons, during a talk show. Just one month later, he'd left to kickstart his own show, walking in the footsteps of great chefs from around the world as he cooked and sampled delicacies from all around the globe.

But, sometimes even the greatest of partiers needed a break from the bright lights and the cheering crowds. Which was why he was so happy and relaxed, being in the Celestial's rebuilt kitchen; for the one year anniversary of their friend's sacrifice for their futures.

Raj paused, sniffing briefly as he smiled and remembered Taylor's energy, his determination to do the right thing and his resolution to never give up. With a chuckled, Raj shook his head and continued to bustle around the kitchen while he mumbled to himself.

"Kahlua pork on the grill... fries in the fryer... Oysters ready to go,” he muttered excitedly. “And... samosas stuffed and spiced." The large man grinned at his efforts, his hands on his hips as he looked over his work. "Hot damn, Raj, you have outdone yourself again." He smiled fondly, pleased he’d been able to recreate the meal which his friend had so enjoyed, the night that they’d first started coming together as a family. 

His hands slowed as he remembered his toast, bringing all their broken friends together with individual drinks, which he’d specially made for the occasion; with a little help from Taylor’s expert booze hunter skills. He shook his head fondly, recalling how the redhead had smiled and stood as he raised a glass and toasted to Raj as thanks for his various efforts.

“You were one of a kind, little doodlejump…” he sighed, clearing his throat as he heard the timer ding. “Ah, time to focus again.” He huffed, bustling onward again to pull three trays of cupcakes. "Hey, Quinn? Your masterpieces are ready!" He called, smiling when the redhead danced over from where she had been rummaging through the cupboards.

"Perfect timing!" She giggled, setting down a large tub of frosting and patting it fondly, as if it were an old friend. "I found Taylor's favourite." She said, as Raj chuckled.

"Man, Aleister did not leave  _ any _ detail out when he rebuilt this place, did he?" He said, shaking his head as he helped Quinn pluck the small buns from their trays and set them on cooling racks.

"It goes against his nature not to strive for perfection in everything, even reconstructing this place to be identical to The Celestial we all came to love and think of as home." Quinn replied, pausing and glancing up at him guiltily. "Oh, I mean… that might just be me, I guess. Taylor and I once said, before we set out to find Diego… that this place had kind of come to be like a home to us. I don’t know, maybe he was just humouring me while I was being stupid and sentimental…”

“Nah, ‘s ‘cause of this place.” Mike’s voice made Quinn jump and turn sharply. Raj laughed and turned slower, though he quickly faced forward again when he saw Mike approaching, covering his eyes with his hand. “‘Cause ya feel closest to him here. ‘S the same for me, an’ I didn’t know him so long as ya’ll did… fuck knows what the hell ‘s doin’ to Grandpa.” He sighed.

Raj barely noticed Quinn shaking her head sadly. “I’m not so sure it was a good idea for him to come… maybe we should have just picked another island somewhere.” She said, exchanging a brief glance with Raj; before he determinedly faced forward again. “It must be so hard on him. I wish I could do something…”

“Ain’t nothin’ anyone can do, Ariel.” Mike said from behind Raj, his footfalls quiet on the cool floor. “Frankly, I think ‘s got to the point he needs this. Kick in the nads it may be, but least he can’t keep ignorin’ it then.” He said blithely, reaching over Raj’s shoulder to pluck an apple from the fruit basket. “‘Scuse me, Big Man.”

“ _ You’re naked!” _ Raj blurted, slapping his hand over his mouth as he blushed furiously and tried to avoid looking directly at the other man; who was indeed, wearing not a stitch of clothing, and covered only with a thin sheen of sweat.

Mike chuckled, looking down at himself in feigned shock and curiosity as Raj peeked at him from the corner of his eyes. “Well, whaddaya know?” Mike said playfully, crunching loudly as he bit into his appropriated apple. “Wonder how that happened.” He mused, grinning over at Raj and winking at Quinn when she giggled.

“Please don’t come into the kitchen naked!” Raj yelped, shaking his head as Mike snickered to himself. “This is a safe space for food preparation and consumption and that is  _ not _ safe!”

Mike looked down at himself again, taking another large bite of apple as he paused to consider. “Damn,” he huffed. “Guess I oughtta go find my pants then, huh?” 

“Yes, please!” Raj pleaded, sighing with relief when he noticed Mike wave and turn away from the corner of his eyes.

As soon as he’d left the room, Raj deflated, relief coursing through him that the man had finally taken his nudity elsewhere. It wasn’t like he disliked Mike, but his shamelessness was… unmatched, by anyone Raj could think of.

Quinn barely stifled her next giggle. “He’s so good for Diego.” She said, smiling after the man with an odd little smile on her face.

Raj glanced over at her, raising a brow at her growing melancholy. “What is it, little dudette?” he asked.

Quinn chuckled and looked up at him sadly. “I was just thinking how alike Jake and Mike really are… he used to be just as shameless, before-” she paused, biting her lip as she lowered her eyes. “Before…” she swallowed thickly, her voice barely a whisper as Raj sighed heavily.

“Before Taylor disappeared.” He said, gently laying an arm around Quinn’s shoulders when she nodded weakly. “Hey now,” Raj said quietly, squeezing her carefully. “No sad faces… you know he wouldn’t like it!” He warmed, playfully flicking her nose and succeeding in making her laugh.

“No, he wouldn’t.” She agreed, shaking off her melancholy as she sighed and looked towards her cupcakes. “Come on, let’s get these all finished up… by the time I’m done, I expect all your other dishes will be ready; and we can take them all out together on the trolleys.” She said, gesturing to two enormous dinner service trolleys.

Raj grinned and offered his hand to Quinn, laughing when she slapped her palm to his with a ringing clap. “Alright, doodlejump; I leave you to your masterpiece…”

“... and you get back to yours.” Quinn finished for him, winking and moving to tie her hair back as Raj chuckled and bustled away again.

Raj hummed to himself as he whirled around the kitchen, gathering pots, pans, trays and plates; piling them all full of foods which he'd made on a similar night they'd spent in this place, or it's predecessor at the very least. He smiled as he tossed salad leaves and smeared marinades, stacking finished dishes under heat retaining lids and onto the trolleys, ready to wheel out as soon as the rest were finished.

Finally they were ready to go; Quinn's cupcakes waiting with Raj's other pre-prepared desserts, to be taken out when the mains had been sufficiently decimated. "Okay miss Quinn, go rally the others; the feast is ready to begin!" Raj declared, grinning when she giggled and saluted playfully. Raj frowned as she walked away, struck by a sudden thought. "And tell Mike that clothing is  _ not  _ optional!"

Quinn's ringing laughter in reply was hardly reassuring, but Raj hoped that everyone would be fully dressed when they arrived nonetheless.

Wanting to think of… essentially,  _ anything _ else; Raj pushed his overflowing trolley through the kitchen and out the back doors, to an enormous table which was already laden with condiments and drinks, thanks to the help of Kele and Aleister.

"Aleister you're being ridiculous!" Grace huffed from where she was already seated in a chair at the table. "I can still lay a table, for goodness sake!" She grumbled, scowling at her fiance irritably.

"I am perfectly aware of your abilities, dearest," Aleister replied calmly. "I am merely lending my own services to aid with the preparations." He said innocently, smiling over at her warmly.

"You're deliberately showboating so there's nothing for me to do, you pompous ass." Grace muttered back, turning away with a pout.

Aleister raised an eyebrow at her. "You've been talking to Jacob again, haven't you?" He asked, as Raj discreetly began lifting plates and trays from the trolley and setting them at intervals along the table.

"Well maybe if you wouldn't keep leaving me with nothing to do, I might not go learning new names to call you." Grace sniffed in reply.

Raj tried hard not to laugh. Even six months pregnant and bored silly, Grace was cute and sweet; but explosive enough that he certainly wouldn't be stupid enough to do as Aleister was and force her into resting.

He wisely chose to leave them to their bickering, humming to himself as he set out the rest of his creations and eyed the heaving table of food proudly. "Yes, Raj… you are a genius." He murmured to himself, chuckling as he turned towards the doors expectantly.

His timing was perfect, for Quinn strode through not a second later, dancing over on light feet to eye the goodies on display, while the others filtered in behind her. "Oh my gosh, Raj!" She cried, gripping his arm tightly. "It all looks so amazing! I don't know where to start!" She gasped. 

Raj smiled fondly, remembering another  _ absent _ friend reacting similarly the first time he'd made such a feast for his friends.

"Hey, man…" Sean said as he approached, clapping one palm to Raj's while his other arm remained draped around Michelle's waist. "Look's good, you've outdone yourself this time."

"It looks divine, Raj." Michelle ahreed, smiling at him brightly.

"Heh, thanks guys!" Raj beamed back at them, gesturing for them to find themselves seats quickly, not wanting the food to spoil.

"Raj," Estela greeted as she walked over with Kele. "Looks good. Glad I'm here for this one." She said.

Kele looked over at her in surprise. "You weren't with the group back then?" He asked curiously.

"Uh," Estela coughed, her cheeks darkening slightly as Raj laughed.

"Of course she was," he said. "She just didn't know it then." He chuckled.

Estela rolled her eyes, but her lips twitched as she passed by Raj to grab a seat for herself and Kele.

"Aw, _brah_!" Craig's loud voice drew Raj's attention from Estela and Kele, his face splitting into a wide grin as his hand collided noisily with Craig's. "This shiz looks _sweet_ _as_ , chyeah?!"

"Ha, thanks dude!" Raj laughed, grinning as Zahra huffed and folded her arms over her chest. 

"You two are such dorks," she muttered, rolling her eyes as her shoulders relaxed slightly. "But, it  _ does _ look good, Raj." She admitted, walking off ahead of Craig without waiting for a reply.

"Whoa… did she just say something nice?  _ Voluntarily? _ " Raj whispered to Craig, his eyes wide in disbelief.

"Heh, yeah, she's mellowed, bruh." Craig guffawed, quickly coughing and ducking his head to hide his guilty grin, when Zahra whirled to scowl at him.

Raj chuckled as Craig ducked away, barely avoiding his girlfriend’s not quite playful swat to the arm as they headed toward some empty seats. He turned to the doors as they swung open again, three figures walking out to the pool area together. 

Two figures wore smiles, their eyes not quite glued to one another, but certainly straying to one another far more often than was strictly necessary on such a short walk from the hotel lobby to the poolside table he’d set up for the evening. “Hey guys,” Raj called, distracting the pair from each other. “I’m guessing from the goo-goo eyes that things went well this morning? Not to mention… Mike’s violation of my kitchen earlier.” Raj tried to keep a scowl on his face, but at the sight of Diego's honestly innocent but happy blush, he couldn't help but grin.

"Yeah, things were a little awkward at first but… it was good." Diego said, nodding faintly. "Varyyn and I had a lot of things we needed to say still, but, it wasn't half so bad as I had thought it was going to be… he was happy for us." He added, smiling at Mike as the man preened smugly beside him.

"'Course he was," he scoffed, his arm draped naturally around Diego's shoulder. "He knows damn well I'll take good care of ya an' treat ya right. We got his blessin' an' he's happy back bein' king of the-"

"Mike," Diego said firmly, cutting into Mike's speech as he narrowed his eyes in playful warning.

"Uh," Mike coughed, tactfully changing the subject as he grinned shamelessly. "So, grubs ready, huh? How 'bout we find a seat, Spunky? Comin' Grandpa?" He added over his shoulder, as Jake shuffled along behind the pair.

Raj's heart sank.

Where Diego and Mike were clearly relieved, cheerful even; Jake was clearly the opposite. His long hair hung over his face, obscuring the worst of his stubble but not quite hiding his eyes, glazed with pain and loss. "Hey, Jake… how's it going, dude?"

Jake glanced up at Raj briefly, snorting as he walked past. "Oh yeah, dandy, ya know?" He scoffed. "'S a year since the love of my life disappeared outta the world, let alone my life; an' I had to bring ya all over, to the very place he disappeared from, then hang out all day in the place where we got hitched…  _ on  _ our anniversary, surrounded by loved up jackasses. Aw yeah, I'm just  _ peachy _ , Bottomless."

Raj winced. Perhaps he could have asked something else. Anything else. If Jake had wanted any more salt to go with his still raw wounds, perhaps.

"Uh, that… that's cool, dude." He coughed awkwardly, shuffling his feet as he turned and watched Jake stride to an empty chair at the end of the table, grabbing himself a very  _ large _ drink from the bar on the way. Raj sughed, watching the man briefly, before shaking his head and forcing a wide grin. "So, uh… dig in everyone!" He called, bouncing over to join his friends. "This feast is officially open!"

"Raj, my god… it all looks amazing!" Diego gushed, already heaping his plate and slapping Mike's hand away when he tried to steal a crab leg. "Get your own, Darwin."

"Plannin' on it." Mike murmured with a smirk, as Raj laughed at Diego's sudden blush and shy, lopsided grin.

General sounds of approval rumbled through the group, each reaching to fill their plates; Grace scowling at Aleister as he insisted on filling hers for her, her fingers drumming on her rounded belly in frustration.

"What's all this in aid of, anyway?" Sean asked, distracting Raj from observing his friends. “I mean, it’s not anyone’s birthday or something, is it? ‘Cause… I didn’t bring none of you no presents, besides my presence.”

“Please, never speak again.” Michelle sighed, as Craig snorted and snickered at Sean’s awful pun.

“Leave the jokin’ to the funny men, yeah, Johnny Five?” Mike smirked, tossing a shrimp at Sean’s head while his other arm remained looped loosely around Diego’s shoulders.

"Shut up, Mike." Diego scoffed, shoving a torn shred of pork into his lovers mouth with a grin.

Raj chuckled at his friends behaviour, shaking his head fondly as he stepped around the table, fussing and adding final dishes here and there as he moved. "Well, we haven't been together like this since…" he trailed off, glancing at Jake; who was blatantly ignoring him, before clearing his throat and continuing. "Uh, forever… and I just figured, well, when we  _ are _ all together; we should celebrate!"

"All minus one, huh?" The comment was light, barely audible really over the jubilant gang as they loaded their plates, but nonetheless; their actions slowed, the happy thrum of noise quieting as the smile slowly slipped from Raj's face.

"Man, why you gotta be bringing him down like that? You know that's not what he meant." Sean scowled over at Jake, his hands balling atop the table as Mike flicked a warning glance at him and Michelle laid her hand on his arm.

"Sean, don't-"

"No, he's being a jerk. His goddamn attitude stinks." Sean said scathingly, shaking his head as he watched Jake sip his drink and continue eating indifferently.

"C'mon guys, don't fight…" Raj said, looking between them pleadingly. "Pies make peace, yeah? Let's all eat and then we can-"

"Hey, y'all wanna pretend like everythin's fine and dandy, like there ain't a giant fuckin' hole in that empty chair," Jake said blithely, gesturing to the empty seat at the end of the table. "Be my guest, but I ain't so good at playin' pretend; so I ain't gonna act like everythin's just perfect. I can't just  _ forget _ and go back to some perfect 'lil dream life."

"That's  _ not _ what we're doing!" Sean snapped back, rising from his chair as Jake continued to ignore him and kept his eyes on his plate. "We remember him, we loved him too! He was our friend!"

"Guys,  _ please _ -" Raj tried to interrupt, but he could sense the rising tension. His heart withered slightly, knowing that nothing he could say now would likely stop the inevitably escalating fight. He looked between his friends, some rising to stop Sean, others rallying around Jake to defend him from words they thought too cruel to the still grieving man.

Watching his friends, his  _ family _ split apart and tear into each other, Raj felt his heart sink.  _ Pies make peace… _ he thought dully, lowering his eyes and shaking his head sadly.  _ Except this time… they don't. _ He sighed, turning away to his trolley and despondently returning a handmade platter of dips to it.

Raj's eyes reluctantly peeled open a moment later, as he moved around the trolley to begin wheeling it back inside. He took only three steps, when a body blocked his path however. "Look, I don't agree with violence or any of this, so just leave me out-" he began tiredly, his words fizzling abruptly as his jaw dropped, his lips parting in a perfect 'O' of shock. " _ Whoa _ ..!" He blinked slowly, stepping around the trolley as he stretched out his hand cautiously.

He shrunk back quickly, gasping when his hand passed straight through Taylor's shoulder. "Whoa, whoa _ , whoa..! _ " He gushed, shaking his head rapidly. "Oh man, my brownies from last night must still be pretty potent!" He said, exhaling a deep breath slowly and running a hand through his long curls.

Taylor ignored Raj's disorientation, frowning as he gestured roughly toward their arguing friends, before jabbing an accusatory finger toward Raj himself.

"Hey, less of the pointing, little doodlejump!" Raj protested, raising his palms defensively. "I am tripping  _ out _ right now! I'm-"

Raj quieted as Taylor shook his head urgently, disappearing in the time it took Raj to blink. He frowned, looking around himself in confusion, only to start when he saw Taylor stood just between Jake and Sean as they argued, their noses almost touching as they leaned toward each other and snarled equally vicious comments, despite their friends holding them both back on either side. Taylor turned from watching their friends to face Raj, his deep blue eyes pleading as he gestured toward the fighting pair behind him.

"I know, dude, I  _ know _ …" Raj said, shaking his head sadly. "But what can  _ I _ do? I tried to bring everyone together tonight; and all I did was tear them apart." He swallowed thickly, gazing at the redhead regretfully as Taylor's eyes shimmered with unshed tears. "Dude, we  _ all _ know the real glue of this group was never me. It was  _ you _ , little doodlejump. Without you... I can't fix this."

Taylor shook his head urgently, gesturing expressively, pleadingly between Raj and their friends that had become their family. "Taylor, man… I don't know what you want from me." Raj sighed, shaking his head sadly. "I'm not you. I burn down frat houses, I get accused of cheating when I ace tests, I… I'm just not good enough, little dude. I can't do what you did. You were so; a-and I'm just… I'm not-"

Raj turned away, his throat thick with all the words he wished he could voice and yet couldn't force free. He sighed in frustration, running both of his hands through his long hair as he frowned up at the sky. " _ I pictured a rainbow," _ he muttered, cocking his head thoughtfully as he tried to imagine how he could explain himself. " _ You held it in your hands." _ He sighed, shaking his head remorsefully.

_ "I had flashes," _ he huffed, his lips twitching with almost amusement as he recalled the feeling of Taylor being in his head, once upon a time. " _ But you saw the plan!"  _ He said, his expression falling with grief as he thought of his friends sacrifice for them all. " _ I wandered out in the world for years," _ he said, thinking of the life he'd had before he came to the island; and the life which Taylor had apparently been denied. " _ While you could never leave here." _ He whispered sadly.

_ "I saw the crescent… _ " Raj huffed, shaking his head as he turned to face the redhead. " _ You saw the whole of the moon." _ He said, blinking in surprise when he found Taylor smiling at him warmly, his grin familiar and playful as it always had been. " _ The whole of the moon!" _ Raj repeated, feeling his face warm with embarrassment when he realised their friends were all watching him.

_ "Hmm, you were there in the turnstiles… the wind at our heels, _ " Raj sang gently, looking at Taylor as he sucked in a deep, chest filling breath and nodded with encouragement. " _ You stretched for the stars; and you know how it feels to reach too high… _ " he said, shaking his head as Taylor snickered silently. " _ Too far…" _ he added, as Taylor winked playfully. " _ Too soon…" _ Raj continued, smiling as Taylor spread both his arms expectantly. " _ You saw the whole of the moon!" _ Raj cheered, a slow grin growing as he watched Taylor giggle and laugh silently.

_ “We were grounded…” _ Raj said, nodding as he ignored their staring friends and walked over to Taylor slowly. “ _ While you filled the skies!” _ He said, turning to look at the sky above himself and Taylor. “ _ We were dumbfounded by truth… you cut through lies! _ ” He cheered brightly, looking slowly down at the distant horizon; remembering how it had been burning, the last time he’d been with his friend. “ _ We saw the world burning down… you saw a way to save it all. _ ” He sighed, turning his eyes back to Taylor, who grinned and pretended to blush bashfully.  _ “We saw the crescent… but, you saw the whole of the moon!” _

Raj blinked as a sound similar to that of a trumpet blaring to life, turning to see Mike brandishing a hollowed out butternut squash and a hollow pepper, smirking as Diego blushed furiously and tried to swipe the edible instruments away from his lover.

“You are  _ so _ embarrassing sometimes,” Diego hissed under his breath, scratching at the back of his neck as his lips twitched with the threat of a smile. “How are you even  _ doing _ that?!” He finally demanded with fond exasperation.

Mike just grinned, continuing to play his makeshift instrument as he danced and weaved his way between their friends so his lover couldn’t catch him and snatch it away.

_ “We spoke about wings…” _ Raj sang as he chuckled quietly, thinking of their failed attempt to escape the island on Jake’s plane. “ _ You just flew!”  _ He breathed, shaking his head in awe as his thoughts shifted to the last time he'd seen his friend; stepping forward to save the world alone. " _ We wondered, we guessed and we tried…" _ he said, sniffing as he wiped his eyes with the back of his arm. " _ You just knew..!" _

Raj grinned at Taylor as the redhead fanned himself dramatically, drifting between their friends as they all watched Raj curiously.  _ "We sighed… but you swooned!"  _ Raj huffed, watching Taylor seemingly examine everyone as they broke into smiles, the tension evaporating between them as they listened to Raj and seemed to sense the presence which only he could see.  _ "We saw the crescent…" _ he sang, smiling at Taylor as he walked forward, avoiding moving through their friends as best he could.  _ "You saw the whole of the moon!" _

Taylor grinned back, winking as he turned and dramatically gestured toward their friends, no longer fighting with each other.  _ “The whole of the moon!” _ Raj snorted, shaking his head and sighing at Taylor’s obviousness, when the redhead snickered silently and spread his arms innocently.

_ “With a torch in his pocket and the wind at his heels,”  _ Raj sighed, looking around their friends as Taylor had indicated.  _ “He climbed on the ladder and he knew how it feels to get too high… too far,”  _ he said, ignoring the tightness in his throat as he pressed on determinedly. “ _ Too soon,”  _ he sniffed, starting at Craig’s hand resting on his arm. “ _ He saw the whole of the moon… the whole of the moon, hey yeah!”  _

Raj paused, drawing in a deep breath and looking around his friend’s faces slowly. “ _ Unicorns and cannonballs, computers and creams!”  _ He said, his eyes roaming over Quinn, Craig, Zahra and Michelle. “ _ Power, flowers and bravery!” _ He continued, his eyes swinging over Aleister, Grace and Estela, before finding Jake at the back of the room; scowling over them all with his arms folded over his chest. “...  _ wide oceans full of tears,”  _ Raj cleared his throat as Jake looked away, narrowing his eyes as he visibly locked his jaw. 

“ _ Flags, mags and cinnamon,” _ he sang, his eyes drifting over Kele, Sean and lowering to his own feet briefly, before lifting to Diego and Mike. “ _ Paperwork and scars!” _ Mike grinned, shrugging his shoulder as he draped his other arm over Diego’s shoulders.

_ “Every precious dream and vision, underneath the stars!”  _ Raj cried imploringly, mimicking Taylor as he spread his arms and gestured around their friends. “ _ Yes, he climbed on the ladder! With the wind in his sails!”  _ He said, his grin growing as his friends all cheered his words enthusiastically. “ _ He came like a comet! Blazing his trail… too high!” _ Raj cried, his eyes falling on Taylor as he bowed his head and smiled gently. _ “Too far!”  _

Taylor’s eyes closed, crinkling with joy and amusement as he turned a slow circle and waved to his unknowing audience around him. “ _ Too soon…”  _ Raj sniffed, shaking his head fondly as he watched his friend slowly dip forward into a playful bow.

_ "He saw the whole of the moon!" _ Raj cheered, as Mike waved his brows and slid away from his lover, braying on his makeshift trumpet while deftly avoiding Diego's attempts to recapture him and snatch away his ridiculous instrument.

The others relaxed enough to join in; Aleister leaning against the side of the outdoor piano as Grace's fingers drifted across the keys quickly, smiling at his pregnant fianceé happily.

Sean and Michelle danced slowly, while Craig and Estela leaned over a table and arm wrestled; Kele observing them and quietly making bets with Zahra on who would win.

Raj chuckled, drawing in a deep breath as he swept his gaze across the room, smiling at the smiling faces around him again. He looked at Taylor as he approached, the redhead smirking as he gestured at their friend's around them and then winked as he made a playful finger gun and silently fired it at Raj.

"I can't take the credit little doodlejump," he chuckled, shaking his head fondly. "I just did what you would do." 

Taylor nodded, pointing again at Raj. Finally the large man understood, huffing quietly as felt warmth blossom and radiate from within his heart. "Yeah, I guess it was me this time." He admitted quietly. "But you still do it best, dude."

Taylor scoffed silently and grinned smugly, accepting the comment as Raj laughed.

"Hey man, I'm sorry." Sean said. "I shouldn't have got so riled up… I'm gonna go find Jake and apologise to him too."

"Nah," Raj said gently, laying his hand on his friend's arm as Taylor's eyes flashed with concern, his head shaking quickly. He looked around the room, already knowing that Jake would be nowhere in sight. "I think we better leave Jake for tonight… we'll find him tomorrow and talk, but he needs to cool off."

"Ain't a damn pool deep enough to cool his ass off," Mike sighed, aa Raj watched Taylor look down the hall longingly. "But it ain't worth tryin' to stop him drinkin' tonight. Big Man's right… leave him be tonight and I'll find his ass in the mornin'."

Raj smiled at Taylor, drawing in a deep breath as the redhead looked at him imploringly. "Yeah, we will." He agreed.

Raj watched as Taylor smiled slowly, relief clear in his deep blue eyes. Raj chuckled, closing his eyes and sealing the image away in his heart. When he next opened them, Taylor was gone. 

"Alright guys," he called, turning his smile to the rest of his friend's. "Who wants desserts?!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song; The Whole Of The Moon - The Waterboys
> 
> https://youtu.be/sBW8Vnp8BzU


	14. Every Breath I Take

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiiiii
> 
> I'm sorry for this; it's a terrible chapter but, I tried anyway... I have taken to streaming while I write: https://picarto.tv/NympheSama  
> If you ever wanna drop by and say hi, feel free - I usually post on Twitter when I go online but feel free to just drop by and say hi <3
> 
> x My love to you all x

**Every Breath I Take**

Jake groaned as he slowly swam through the thick, comforting blanket of unconscious to consciousness, grimacing as he rolled his back off the hard surface which he’d finally passed out on.

He reluctantly peeled his eyes open slowly, wincing at the bright sunlight which immediately struck his eyes. He turned his head and raised one hand to block the irritating light, using the other to prop himself up, blinking with disorientation as he slowly looked around himself.

"Urgh," he groaned, grimacing with disgust as he took in his surroundings. "Why ain't I damn well surprised to find myself fuckin'  _ here _ of all goddamn places?" He spat irritably, tentatively shifting his weight and slowly sitting back on his knees.

Jake scowled as he looked around the rooftop again, raising a hand to his forehead and sweeping his bedraggled hair back from his face with a sigh.

How typical that in his drunken stupor, he would end up in the one place he'd sworn to avoid during their stay. The one place in all the world which he despised more than his own, too empty apartment he'd been given by the state upon their return… after-

Jake slammed his eyes shut, viciously shutting out the thought before the words could form. The words made it final. Jake wasn't ready for it to be final.

"Guess ya wanted to feel like ya were close to him 'gain, huh?" Jake peeled his eyes open, turning to glare blearily at his best friend. "Surprised it took ya so long, to be honest… I was bettin' ya would've gotten ya ass up here after that second bottle of McLellyn's ya polished off but naw, ya kept at it… weren't 'til ya started downin' shots of Tequila ya seemed to finally find ya courage." Mike commented lightly, grinning lopsidedly as he effortlessly twisted three ribbons into a long braid. "Half thought ya might jump off at first, but think the climb took it outta ya. Literally dropped like a stone and slept like a baby since 'bout… oof, five an' a half hours ago."

"The hell're ya doin' now, watchin' me sleep?” Jake sneered, facing forward again and groaning loudly as he tried to figure out how the hell to get to his feet. "Bloody weird, pervert, asshole…" he grumbled.

"Hey, I ain't exactly doin' it for shits and giggles, Grandpa." Mike countered, his light tone edged by sharpness. "Ya wanna start behavin' yaself an' I ain't gonna have to keep babysittin' ya sorry ass all the time."

"What're ya talkin' bout?" Jake scoffed, running his hand through his hair before placing both palms on the floor and groaning loudly, as he heaved himself to unsteady feet. "I'm behavin' same as always."

“If by that ya mean a man sized, toddlin’ ‘lil  _ brat _ , bleatin' on 'bout his booboo's an' then  _ not _ lettin' folk help ya, then yeah, sure ya are.” Mike agreed flippantly, rising to his feet and dropping his long coil of braided ribbons to the ground. "Ya know, ya been an argumentative 'lil bastard since the day we met… but I ain't never seen ya be so much of an asshole as ya have just lately. Bein' honest, I think ya been gettin'  _ worse _ as the year went on, rather'n better."

"The hell asked  _ you _ for ya dumbass opinion?" Jake snarked, wavering on his unsteady legs briefly as he half turned to scowl at his friend. "I sure as hell ain't bloody asked ya to follow me 'round like me Ma. 'S ya own damn fault if ya chainin' yaself to me damn hip."

"Naw, ya wouldn't stoop to bloody askin'  _ anyone _ for help, would ya, ya stubborn bastard." Mike scoffed, shaking his head and spreading his arms in exasperation. "Jake goddamn McKenzie; don't need help from nobody, naw, not even his best bloody mate!" He leered sarcastically, sniffing derisively as he flicked his eyes over Jake quickly. “Aw nah, Grandpa don’t wanna let nobody in! Ungrateful dickhead will just keep on pushin’ an’ pushin’-”

“What the fuck d’ya  _ think  _ ya damn well know, huh?” Jake spat back, his lip curling into a sneer. “Ya’ll get a case of the singin’ an’ dancin’ bug; an’ suddenly ya'll wanna  _ help _ poor ol’ Jake? Suddenly ya’ll know what the hell  _ I _ feel?”

“Ya know that ain’t what folk think, stop bein’ a fuckin’ prick an' get ya head outta ya goddamn ass!" Mike bit out, narrowing his eyes at Jake warningly. "Ya know damn well every one of 'em brats wanna help ya move on, to let go. Every goddamn one 's seen for 'emselves that-"

"Pfft, ya'll think that what? I'll join the twinkle toe gang? Dance me best jig an' click me damn heels together? All fixed; no more memories? No more feelin' like-" Jake paused in his tirade, forcefully snapping his jaw shut and turning away from his friend, scowling irritably as he ran his hands through his hair.

"Like that great big, gapin' hole in ya chest ain't never gonna go away?" Mike offered gently, as Jake closed his eyes and grit his teeth tightly.

"Somethin' like that, yeah." He bit out gruffly, his nose wrinkling at the weak tremor in his voice.

"Grandpa," Mike sighed from behind him, approaching with slow footsteps, tentative and cautious as he reached to lay his hand on Jake’s shoulder gently. “Ya gotta let go a little, yeah? Ya can’t keep bottlin’ all this shit up, hopin’ it ain’t gonna hurt anymore… ‘s  _ always  _ gonna hurt, we all know it; but we all wanna help ya too. We know ya loved him, more’n anythin’. Nothin’ anyone can say or do’s gonna make ya miss him less, everyone knows it… but they all still wanna be here for ya. And ya know  _ I’m  _ harder to shake’ mono,” he said, chuckling at his own joke, while Jake flinched at the unintentional reminder of his lost love. “Let it go, yeah? Stop holdin’ onto all the pain o’ this year, an’ let yaself remember him right. Let yaself see him, an’ move on… yeah?”

Jake stared distantly across the rooftop, lost within his own thoughts as they swirled like a fog through his mind, barely obscuring the pain which he’d tried so hard to run from all year. He remained silent, trying to ignore his best friend’s speech and avoid the thoughts which had tried to plague him so long. Slowly though, Mike’s words pushed through the comforting blanket of his forced apathy, his brow furrowing as he half glanced back at him. 

“Let myself see him?” He repeated slowly, roughly shrugging his shoulder free of his friend’s comforting touch. “What? Pretend this year ain’t happened? Pretend I ain’t been thinkin’ of him every goddamn day; even when I damn well try my bloody hardest not to? He ain’t just some… great pal what gave himself up so I could go on to have a shiny little career-”

“Don’t be an asshole,” Mike sighed, rolling his eyes and folding his arms over his chest. “Why the hell’ve ya always got a bee in ya bonnet ‘bout Sporty Barbie?” He asked, frowning at his best friend in frustration. 

“ _ ‘Cause he pisses me off!” _ Jake snarled, swiping his arm through the air viciously. “He’s always been all ‘bout the self sacrifice an’ he were always the first one to step up and play the Hero… an’ he’s always sittin’ there,  _ judgin’ _ me for not bein’ like him.” He growled, running both his hands in his hair as he paced a short distance across the rooftop. “He sits there, tellin’ me what I oughta do an’ feel… I thought he might understand for a bit, almost losin’ Maybeline, but he’s been more of a prick than ever since he won her back; always preachin’ at me… but I can’t  _ be _ like him!” 

Jake paused, sucking in a deep breath as his eyes flit frantically around the rooftop, feeling claustrophobic despite the open air all around him. “He got her  _ back _ an’ I can’t never get  _ him _ back!” He hissed, shaking his head to try and force the encroaching thoughts and feelings from his mind. “He’s  _ gone _ ! An’ I’m  _ stuck here without him! _ I can see him, but I can’t touch him, can’t  _ never  _ hear him… an’ bloody Steve Rogers sits there tellin’ me to fuckin’-”

“Whoa, whoa, cool ya mobility scooter there, Grandpa…” Mike reasoned, grabbing Jake by both shoulders and shaking him gently, forcing him to look up at his best friend’s confused gaze with eyes which he knew were touched by hysteria. “Whaddaya mean; ya can see him? Ya mean, like we all did? He’s shown up for ya at last?”

Jake scoffed, shaking his head irritably and trying to shove himself free of his friend’s hold. “What, just pop outta thin air? Make all that achin’ an’ pain disappear with a snap of his fingers?” He demanded, shaking his head all the harder. “That how it happened for ya, huh? Nice an’ quick, all over and back to life like normal?”

Mike grit his teeth and shook Jake again, narrowing his eyes warningly. “When? When’d he show up for ya?” He demanded, as Jake growled and tried to wrestle himself free of Mike’s hold. “Since _ when,  _ godammit?” He pressed, as Jake jerked himself backward and to the right, successfully yanking himself free of Mike’s grip.

“ _ Since fuckin’ always _ !” He snarled viciously, uncaring of the spittle which he cast at his friend as he paced away, grabbing a potted plant and hurling it over the railing. “Since I woke up after they knocked me out, he’s  _ been there _ ; always with the fuckin’ the silence! No fuckin’ answers, just fuckin’  _ there _ , lookin’ at me with the sad eyes, like it weren’t  _ his own _ goddamn  _ choice _ to fuckin’ leave me!” Jake knew he was being unfair, but it was true nonetheless. His husband had decided, only hours after they’d wed; that he would sacrifice himself for the world. For every asshole Jake hated and who had hated him, for the family he’d loved and those he didn’t, for goddamn  _ strangers _ . Jake knew it was unfair to be so resentful; but why did it have to be  _ him? _ Why couldn’t Jake have gone away? Nobody would have missed Jake…

“Always?” Mike repeated slowly, his eyes on Jake as he cast his gaze back at his friend; bitter, resentful and overall,  _ tired _ . “Ya seen him all that time, an’ never thought maybe it ‘s time to let him go?” He asked tentatively. Jake was certain he was picking his words with more care than he ever had before. “Is that why ya stayed so damn quiet? So still?”

“What’d ya think was bloody well goin’ on?” Jake snorted, running his palm over his stubble restlessly. “Ya think I was just sittin’ starin’ at the damn wall for nothin’ all damn day an’ night?” He asked, glowering as he shook himself to try and clear away the mounting pressure he felt building in his heart and his head.

“Considerin’ ya weren’t sayin’ a damn word,  _ yeah _ . ‘S kinda all I  _ could _ think at the bloody time.” Mike bit out, scowling at Jake as he rolled his eyes and turned away, running his hand through his hair and pacing in agitation. “Why the hell didn’t ya  _ say _ nothin’?”

“An’ what?” Jake snorted distractedly, scowling as he turned on his heel and paced back along the path he’d just walked beside the railing around the edge of the rooftop. “Have ya’ll take me to sone quack an' throw me in some padded room? ‘Naw, I ain’t crazy! I’m jus’ seein’ my dead; sorry,  _ missin’  _ husband, ya know, the one what never existed in the first place.’ Yeah, I can see that goin’ down real well, Mike.” He scoffed.

Jake pretended not to notice the slither of guilt at the small lie. He hadn't said anything because from the first time he'd spoken to Taylor; and received only stony silence in return, he'd known there was no point speaking to him. To acknowledge Taylor's presence was to acknowledge the pain of missing him, to face it and actually deal with it.

Jake didn't want to face it. Jake wanted to hide from it, to run away from it.

Jake watched as Mike sucked in a deep breath, his lips moving silently as he counted to ten to keep his temper, his jaw twitching as he swallowed and exhaled slowly. “He ain’t  _ dead _ .” He said tightly, narrowing his eyes when Jake snorted at him.

“Yeah, fella’s gotta exist ‘fore he can die, ain’t he?” He said bitterly, averting his eyes from his best friend when Mike’s expression hardened. “Ain’t like it matters. He’s gone… so what the hell’s it matter if I hold onto the only thing I got that proves he weren’t just some dream?” 

Mike sighed, hesitating before his steps approached slowly. “Grandpa, look at him.” He said gently, his hand hovering over Jake’s shoulder briefly, before he seemed to think better of it and lowered it to his side. Jake ignored the request, stubbornly locking his eyes on the floor, determined to ignore the swelling sensation in his chest; where his heart seemed to be stuck in his throat and throbbing painfully. “ _ Jake _ ,” Mike hissed, ignoring his earlier reservations and gripping Jake’s jacket sleeve around the wrist. “ _ Look _ at him.”

Jake flinched at the reproachful and imploring tone of his best friend’s plea, reluctantly lifting his eyes from the floor and unwilling trailing them across the rooftop; until they found the familiar image of his lover, unchanged since the last time he saw him, as he disappeared into that godforsaken bright light.

Taylor never changed. Not even his damn clothes. From the moment Jake woke up the morning following his…  _ disappearance, _ he’d been there. Sad, but silent. Did he regret his choice; now he'd seen the consequences of it? Was he remorseful for everything he’d done to his husband; for all that he'd put him through? 

Jake couldn’t tell. He wasn’t sure he even  _ cared _ . All he could see was the sad but still beautiful face of the man he loved, a constant torment; haunting him for the rest of his life, or so he assumed. Or was it hoped? He wasn’t sure he could tell the difference between any of his jumbled, back to front and upside down emotions anymore.

“Whaddaya see?” Mike murmured lowly, judging Taylor’s position from Jake’s agonized stare across the rooftop and circling around him as he stared at the huddled image of his lost love longingly. “Whaddaya think he wants to tell ya?”

Jake scoffed, shaking his head viciously as he shoved Mike away from him, turning with a dark scowl. “Whadda I think he wants? Besides alleviatin’ his goddamn guilt, wherever he is? Knowin’ what he left me behind to face alone,  _ knowin’ _ what he was damn well gonna do to me… an’ doin’ it anyway-”

Mike dodged the wild swing of Jake’s fist, grabbing his wrist and twisting it around behind his back, forcing him to face his lost husband despite his various struggles. “Stop  _ fightin’ _ it Grandpa,” he hissed in Jake’s ear. “Let him in… an’ let him  _ go. _ ”

Jake shook his head, struggling relentlessly as he tried to avoid the swelling pressure in his chest. “This is all I got now,” he bit out gruffly, refusing to acknowledge the sting in his eyes as he glared at the sad vision across the roof from him. Exactly where he’d last seen him. “I ain’t lettin’ that go an’ all… I’ll die before I let him go.” He spat. 

Taylor seemed to flinch at the words, a silent sob escaping him as he rubbed at his own arms as if he were cold. Jake wished more than anything he could warm him, that he could just  _ once more _ ; feel his lover in his arms. But the hope was foolish, naive. He knew there was no chance of any such thing ever again.

“Jake… c’mon,” Mike whispered, barely managing to continue restraining Jake as his relentless struggles increased. “Let it out… ya know it’ll help…” He urged pleadingly. “Ain’t there something’ ya wanna tell him? Help ya let him go..? Help  _ yaself _ start healin’?”

Jake shook his head vehemently, growling as he struggled viciously in his best friend’s hold, the pressure in his chest building and building; until he finally wrestled himself free and spun to shove his friend away. “Shut up!” He roared, turning and pacing away, running his hands through his hair frantically as he tried to hold back the rising surge of emotional hysteria in his chest. “Shut up, shut up, shut up…” he muttered to himself, closing his eyes as he shook his head and turned again, pacing in ever mounting agitation.

"I should've never let him damn well go in the first place…" he said in a rush, speaking more to hinself than to either his best friend or the projection of his lost lover. "Stupid asshole had ya'll trapped in that damn… an' I might've fought off the song an' dance he conned ya'll into, but I couldn't fight enough to stop him. I weren't strong enough to keep him with me."

Taylor took a half step toward him, reaching toward him imploringly, only for Jake to dodge out of his reach with a dark look toward his incorporeal form. Jake told himself that the redhead’s crumpling expression shouldn’t be so painful to witness. He wasn’t even  _ real _ for christ’s sake! He had no right to make Jake feel bad, when  _ Taylor  _ was the one who damn well abandoned  _ him _ . 

Jake's own guilt for not preventing his actions was another maatter entirely; and yet another he had no intention of either facing or resolving.

“Jake,” Mike called, wisely keeping his distance, but still trying to reason with Jake as he paced. “C’mon, Grandpa… ya know it’ll help.” He tried again.

“Fuck off.” Jake spat back, barely throwing his best friend a careless glance. “Why don’t ya go find ya ‘lil boy toy and eat his ass or somethin’? Get ya damn head outta mine an’ my goddamn life.” He bit out, telling himself the shuttering of his friend’s warm eyes didn’t cut him to the core.

“Least I’d feel less like I were interactin’ with a damn wall.” Mike snorted back, shaking his head as Jake averted his eyes and tried not to let the words through the thick armour he’d tried to shield his heart with over the past year. “Ya now what, Grandpa? Ya wanna mope on ya own an’ bury ya head in the sand, be my goddamn guest.” He sighed, turning away and lifting his hand as he glanced back at Jake over his shoulder. “Ya don’t want my help, fine. Have fun bein’ a miserable bloody asshole for the rest of ya damn life.”

Jake turned his back on Mike, pacing away as his thoughts chased each other, running rampant through his head as he tried to lock his wild emotions away beneath the thick blanket of apathy he’d created for himself over the year. If he could bury the pain, he could live through it. But the blanket had been small when he’d first made it; and his pain had continued to grow. Now, trying to fit something so huge back into the much smaller container was proving… difficult.

Taylor fidgeted at the edge of his vision, inching closer and reaching for him again hesitantly. “Don’t even bloody think ‘bout it.” Jake hissed, flashing the vision a scathing look. Taylor flinched, stepping back again as he curled his arms about himself, watching Jake sadly as his dark eyes swam with tears of what Jake assumed were guilt, regret and remorse.

“Ya think any of this makes up for ya leavin’?” Jake demanded abruptly, not sure where the words had come from, or if they had been there all along, unreachable from his determined detachment. “Ya think  _ this, _ ” he spat, gesturing toward Taylor; or the image of him, at least. “Makes any damn difference? What, ‘s supposed to  _ help _ me? Make me  _ not  _ feel like ya fuckin’ walked out on me? Right after ya bloody promised me I’d never have to live without ya?”

Jake grimaced, running his hands through his hair and finally jerking to a halt beside the railing a short distance from Taylor, glaring out at the horizon as he dragged his hands down over the stubble which lined his jaw. “Ya looked me dead in the eye… an’ ya promised me, we were gonna be together; gonna take on the future together. Forever.” He said quietly, swallowing heavily as something, his heart he thought, tried to choke him. His eyes slid toward Taylor, whose eyes sparkled with tears that looked like stars against the dark blue of his irises. “Ya a goddamn  _ liar. _ ”

Taylor swallowed thickly, shaking his head imploringly as he covered his heart with his hands, mouthing words Jake could never hear again; and hated himself for wishing he could. Taylor gestured toward him, his lips parting in silent cries and protests which they both knew Jake would never hear.

"I ain't doin' it." Jake insisted, scowling at Taylor as the pressure in his chest grew. "Ya ain't gettin' in my head an' makin' me let ya disappear on me again." He scoffed, grimacing at the memory of Taylor's initial disappearance from the world.

From Jake.

Jake snorted, shaking his head as he tried to swallow the thickness in his throat, closing his eyes and locking his jaw, gritting his teeth so tightly that they ground together roughly.

He  _ wouldn't _ do it. He could feel it building, clawing at his throat; but he was determined not to let it out. Determined  _ not _ to let go.

And yet…

Despite his every effort…

Jake shook his head in denial, squeezing his eyes shut even tighter, his lips trembling and his jaw flexing as he stubbornly tried to resist the actions of his own body. “ _ Every breath I take and every move I make,”  _ he hissed between his teeth, barely spitting the words in his frustration. “ _ Every bond I break, every step I take, I'll be missin’ ya…” _

Jake’s hands rose to his hair, tugging at the straggly strands sharply, hoping to dislodge himself from whatever compulsion had come over him. " _ Every single day..!" _ He snarled angrily, scowling at Taylor accusingly as the redhead covered his hand with his mouth to hide his trembling lips. _ "And every word I say… _ " Jake hissed viciously, shaking his head as he fought to glue his jaw together and prevent the damned words from escaping him.

_ "Every game I play, every night I stay... I'll be missin’ ya." _ He said bitterly, turning away and pacing along the rooftop railing, scratching the back of his hand in agitation.

_ "Oh, can't ya see..? Ya belong to  _ **_me_ ** _!" _ Jake growled, glancing back at Taylor, his heart aching at the grieved expression which his lost lover wore. " _ How my damn heart aches... with every step I take!" _ Jake yelled at Taylor, who flinched guiltily, but nodded slowly, taking an exaggeratedly deep, but silent breath as he wiped at the tears which escaped his eyes.

_ "Every move I make, and every vow I break…"  _ Jake said slowly, shaking his head bitterly as he turned his back on Taylor and gripped the railing in his hands, his nails cutting into the heel of his palms around the object. " _ Every smile I fake, every claim I stake... I'll be missin’ ya." _ He hissed between his teeth, scowling at the beautiful island before him.

Jake was certain he could feel bile crawling up his throat, bitterness and pain colliding in his gut and making him feel nauseas. But beneath the sickness was a flame of rage, burning brighter than ever as his mouth spewed words he'd never intended to release. To lose the control he'd fought so hard to keep tight reign over, that he'd desperately tried to smother all year; it was beyond infuriating, consuming his other emotions and fanning the spiralling inferno of the anger he'd spent all year trying to ignore.

Jake growled as he released the railing, spinning around and grabbing the nearest object which wasn't screwed down to the floor; a small glass table set between two chairs. “ _ Since ya've gone I've been lost without a trace!” _ He roared viciously, lifting the table over his head and launching it across the rooftop, barely bothering to look as it smashed and scattered tiny shards of glass across the roof. “ _ I dream at night, I can only see your face!” _ He snarled, grabbing a chair and hurtling it toward the emergency fire exit door. “ _ I look around but it's you I can't replace!” _ He hissed, turning to grab the other chair and instead locking his eyes onto Taylor; his distress clear as he watched Jake with a familiar edge of hysteria in his deep blue eyes. 

“ _ I feel so cold and I long for ya embrace!”  _ Jake sighed imploringly, his anger fizzling into longing just as fast as his temper had initially flared. He raised his hands to his hair as he stared at his lost husband, burying his fingers deep within the tangled nest and squeezing his eyes shut tight at the visual reminder of his missing husband’s love and concern for him. “ _ I keep crying… baby, baby,  _ **_please_ ** _!" _ The raw cry tore itself from his throat, disguising the ragged sob which escaped him beneath it. 

Jake grit his teeth, teetering on the cliff like edge of his emotions precariously, desperately trying to hold himself together. The firm hand which curled around the back of his neck however, had the opposite effect. With the solid chest pressed against the crown of his head and the comforting hand behind his neck; Jake finally broke down and cried.

His heart ached, wishing the warmth which he felt from his best friends inevitable return, was that of his husband’s embrace. His fingers released his hair, clutching instead at his friend’s shirt as his shoulders heaved with the force of his dry sobs of regret, of resentment and of pain.

“He did it for  _ you _ , Jake…” Mike whispered in his ear, holding him tightly as he gagged and choked on the emotions which clawed at him from everywhere at once. “He didn’t do shit for nobody but  _ you. _ ”

Jake rolled his head against Mike’s chest, trying to ignore the words, to not let them in. But he couldn’t keep them out anymore. Despite his best efforts, Jake couldn’t rebuild the walls he’d tried to hide behind all year, couldn’t separate what he knew; from what he wanted to believe was true.

He’d wanted to believe Taylor had abandoned him, had given him up and left without a second thought. It was easier to be mad at him then, if he thought of him as a liar, if he thought of their marriage as nothing but a fantastic dream. But the truth… the truth was Taylor had loved Jake, as completely as Jake had loved him in return. His choice to leave, to save the world; was made not for the countless strangers in the world, but for Jake, even if Jake didn’t want him to do it.

Acknowledging that meant accepting it, meant letting go of all the anger he’d clung to and letting himself be proud of his husband, letting himself love him still, even as he continued to miss him. With a frustrated growl, Jake shoved at Mike’s chest; pushing his friend away as he turned and scrubbed his hands over his face to erase the evidence of his breakdown. __

_ “Oh, can't ya see? Ya belong to  _ **_me_ ** _ …” _ He breathed shakily, reluctantly turning to peer at Taylor longingly, watching the silent shadow of his lost husband wipe his shimmering eyes on his forearm with a proud, if somewhat watery grin.  _ “An’ now my damn heart aches... with every step I take!” _ He hissed between his teeth, his shoulders slumping as Taylor extended a hand toward him tentatively.

_ “Every move I make and every vow I break…”  _ he said, closing his eyes as he turned his head away and tried to un-feel every realisation which had struck him so hard. “ _ Every smile I fake, every claim I stake, I'll be missin’ ya…”  _ he whispered, shivering as he squeezed his eyes shut tighter. “ _ Every move I make, every step I take, I'll be missin’ ya…” _

Jake watched his every memory of Taylor swim behind his closed eyelids. The times he’d tried to deny his attraction to the redhead early on, the times they’d laughed or ran or cried together. He remembered their first kiss beneath the waves, certain it would be their last; the joy when he realised it wouldn’t be. Their first night spent together in Taylor’s room, the awful times he’d thought he’d lost him… and that final time when he did.

Finally he remembered their handfasting, the day they’d bonded themselves together. The Green Giant herself had tied their hands with the ribbon Jake had been holding out to Taylor, waiting for him as he strolled down the aisle; looking like something out of a fashion magazine or some ridiculous fantasy novel… certainly something too good for Jake; and yet, there he’d been, eagerly grasping his hands.

And now this, silent shadow of himself was stood across the rooftop, watching him with sad, hopeful eyes which Jake knew he would be lost to, should he risk opening his eyes to glance toward him. _ “... I'll be missin’ ya.” _ He whispered, shaking his head faintly as his throat stung.

Jake sucked in a deep, trembling breath as he slowly peeled open his eyes, glancing sideways reluctantly to see his best friend watching him carefully. He nodded quickly, a single sharp motion to confirm his wellbeing

_ “Every breath I take and every move I make…” _ He said tightly, wishing the damnable curse which kept the song pouring from his mouth would end. “ _ Every bond I break, every step I take... I'll be missin’ ya.” _

Jake swallowed thickly, his brow furrowing when he heard a stifled sob from behind him. He turned slowly, scowling darkly when he saw the others had congregated by the lift. _ “Every single day, every word I say. Every game I play, every night I stay… I'll be missin’ ya.” _ He sneered, turning his back on them again and choosing to look at Taylor instead.

_ “Every move I make, every vow I break,” _ he said, swallowing thickly as Taylor smiled sadly and held his hand out to him again. “ _ Every smile I fake, every claim I stake… I'll be missin’ ya.” _

Jake shivered, exhaling a deep breath as he reluctantly shuffled half a step closer to the ghost of his husband. “ _ Every single day, every word I say, every game I play, every night I stay… I'll be missin’ ya.”  _ He mumbled, his heart fluttering with every step closer which he took to his lost lover.

_ “Every move I make, every vow I break… every smile I fake…”  _ Jake whispered, his breath catching as he stood before Taylor, who’s wet eyes shimmered with the love and adoration which Jake had determinedly ignored the previous year.  _ “I'll be missin’ ya…” _ He breathed, swallowing down the words he both wished to say and to hear one more time. Knowing in both cases; they were unnecessary.

Instead Jake swallowed the thick lump in his throat, gazing at Taylor’s face and burning it into his heart… one last time. “I don’t wanna lose ya ‘gain, Boy Scout.” He admitted beneath his breath, the first and only time he’d spoken to the spectre since he’d first woken up to the mirage.

Taylor nodded slowly, his hands covering his heart as he gazed at Jake longingly. 

Jake nodded in return, running a hand through his hair before slowly lifting them before him, holding them as he had on their wedding day, palms up toward his lover. His hands were unsteady, trembling with fear as Jake licked his lips and nodded again, before slowly closing his eyes and holding his breath, as he accepted his fate and waited for his lover to disappear from his life once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Every Breath You Take - The Police (reworded)
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OMOGaugKpzs


	15. The Magic Position

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well; here we are... finally finished!
> 
> So so so sorry it took me so much longer than planned.
> 
> I would make up some BS but in reality; i just couldn't bring myself to open any documents. I always very driven by my passion to write... but i just havent had any. Ive been lost without writing, but, i couldnt do it either.  
> So im sorry for being shit and not trying harder  
> Think too much happened and this was just another part of me died 😅  
> im sorry bput the crap ending, but we all know i suck at those
> 
> Without my stream i might not have even got this finished, so thankyou anyone who ever tuned in ❤
> 
> Anyway - thankyou so so so mich for all your support; youve been so kind and i cant atress enough that i love and cherish every comment you leave me - because i dont feel like such a failure or a fake... which sounds pathetic but still
> 
> Please let me know what you thought - and of course feel free to reread and tell me favourite parts etc 😂❤
> 
> Thankyou all so much
> 
> x My love to you all x

**The Magic Position**

Taylor’s throat was tight with emotion, his heart choking him as it swelled to block his airway. He wasn’t sure where to even begin processing what he felt, his heart racing wildly as Jake stood before him, trembling and grieved, but as determined as he always was.

It had been a terrible year and a day, forced to watch the man he loved blame himself for Taylor’s fate, when it had never been his fault in the first place. It had been Taylor’s choice to give himself to Vaanu. Jake had been right, in a sense; Taylor had chosen to leave… but he’d done it because he  _ loved _ his friends, his family; so completely. To him, it wasn’t so much of a sacrifice. 

But of course, he wasn’t the one who would be left to deal with the void that his absence left behind, for all of his friends; but especially for Jake. He’d known it wouldn’t be easy, that it would be a shock for them all to learn the truth of his existence, but he’d never anticipated that they would all hold onto him; to his memory, so tightly in their hearts.

He’d seen them all briefly through the year, acting like idiots and pining like school kids. He’d done what he could to knock some sense into them, but it wasn’t exactly easy to cross the chasm of space between them; not in one piece anyway. 

He’d been stuck; silent and incorporeal, unable to speak to or touch any one of them… but he’d done his best to inspire them. The small piece of him which they kept in their hearts had guided them, had shown them; in his unique way, just what they had  _ needed  _ in their life right at that moment. 

Except of course, for Jake.

But then, Jake was always the exception for Taylor.

He inhaled deeply, looking down at Jake’s extended hands, palms up toward him as they had been on their wedding day. He smiled softly, remembering the beautiful day as he slowly moved his hands to hover over Jake’s. He lifted his eyes to Jake’s face, watching intently as he gently lowered his hands to Jake’s.

“Jacob Lucas McKenzie… you are the  _ stubbornest _ sonovabitch, to ever walk this earth.” He sighed, his lips twitching with amusement as his fingers curled around Jake’s and gripped them tightly.

Taylor watched as a visible shudder ripped through Jake, his held breath expelling from him in a rush as his eyes snapped open in shock and disbelief, his hands jerking as if to pull away; though Taylor determinedly held on.

“What the-?!” He choked, his cerulean eyes watering with fresh pain as he shook his head vehemently, staring in broken disbelief as Taylor’s heart melted with guilt. “This ain’t fair… ya can’t do this to me, not  _ now _ …”

“Jake… I’m so sorry.” Taylor said, quickly interrupting whatever breakdown Jake was about to have. He swallowed heavily, biting his lip as he squeezed Jake’s hands and shook his head with exasperation. “I said  _ don’t give up… _ not  _ don’t let go. _ ” He whispered, butting his forehead softly to Jake’s.

Jake made an indecipherable sound of distress, and Taylor bit his lip as he closed his eyes and used his grip on Jake’s hands to carefully fold himself into the other man’s embrace. “I’m sorry… I’m so sorry.” He whispered, a constant litany of apology as he nuzzled Jake’s straggly hair.

Jake was stiff in his hold, shivering as his fingers flexed; tentatively clutching at the back of Taylor’s shirt, before quickly releasing as if he’d been burnt. Taylor bore it all with patience, whispering in his husband’s ear softly and reassuring him that everything was; and would be, okay.

“How..?” Diego’s stunned whisper made Taylor open his eyes, his gaze drifting across the awed and tearful faces as he smiled and lifted his finger to his lips. 

“Give me a minute to calm this idiot down, will you?” He asked casually, winking when Craig let out a boisterous laugh in response. He turned his gaze toward Mike, grinning lopsidedly at the former soldier. “Don’t tell me you’re  _ actually  _ speechless for once?  _ Sir _ …” he asked, laughing quietly and laying his ear against Jake’s shoulder as Mike snorted and shook off the surprised expression he wore.

“Heh, naw… take’s more’n  _ your  _ mystic ass showin’ up to stump me, Kid.” He scoffed, folding his arms over his chest and winking at Taylor playfully. “An’ there’s only one fella calls me  _ sir, _ nowadays.” He added, as Diego blushed and coughed awkwardly.

“Oh yeah, I am  _ aware _ of that little nugget.” Taylor snorted, grinning and shaking his head fondly, his gaze flicking over Diego playfully. “We can catch up on all that later though, hmm?” He snickered, sighing with relief as Jake’s tense shoulders finally relaxed, his hands gliding across Taylor’s back and clutching at the back of his shirt, as he buried his face in the crook of Taylor’s throat.

“I’m sorry…” Taylor whispered to his husband, turning his head to nuzzle Jake’s brow softly. “I won’t leave you again… I promise, Jake. I promise.” He breathed, closing his eyes as Jake’s palms rose to cup his cheeks, his head lifting to knock their foreheads together again.

“Ya here?” Jake murmured thickly, as Taylor smiled and nodded, covering Jake’s right hand with his own. “Ya  _ really  _ here? I ain’t dreamin’ or… or dead an’-”

“Shhh,” Taylor cooed soothingly, opening his eyes slowly and meeting Jake’s frantic gaze. “I’m here. I’m real. This is  _ all  _ real.” He promised softly, turning his head to shuffle his lips across Jake’s palm.

“Yeah, we kind of all have some questions about that… when you’re ready and all.” Diego grumbled sourly, drawing Taylor’s attention from his husband again. 

Taylor snorted, pulling a small distance from Jake with an exaggerated sigh. “God, you’re such an impatient little…  _ me.”  _ He huffed fondly, shaking his head as he grinned at his friend. “Is it really such a mystery? I mean, you’re the ones made all this possible…” he snickered, looking around them all curiously.

“ _ Us..? _ ” Diego repeated, blinking in surprise. “What the hell did  _ we _ do exactly?” 

“You’re the ones who were holding on to me,  _ some people _ more tightly than others.” Taylor said, glancing pointedly at Jake, whose lips twitched briefly with a flicker of amusement, but it was quickly smothered with a wipe of his hand. “You all kept a piece of  _ me _ in your hearts… and not even Vaanu could take that from anyone.” He sighed, looking down at his own hand and curling it slowly into a fist. “I was born of Vaanu, created from its energy… but it was all of  _ you _ who held that piece of me in your hearts. I just, I wouldn’t be here now; if not for all of you.” He explained, smiling as he wiped his watering eyes on the back of his arm. “I love you all, guys… so much…” he sniffed, laughing at the ridiculous surge of rampant emotions which were attempting to overwhelm him.

“Oh,  _ Taylor… _ ” He couldn’t identify any individual voice in the sighed response, but he couldn’t help but laugh again as his friends converged around him, squishing him against Jake as they all gathered around him and tried to hug him at once.

“Dork…”

“Dude…”

“‘Lil asshole…”

“Dude!”

“Good to see you again, man.”

“ _ Dude! _ ”

Taylor laughed, shaking his head as he tried to separate himself from his friends and find some free space where he could suck in a much needed breath of air. “Guys,  _ guys..! _ ” He snickered, shoving at their shoulders playfully. “C’mon… there’s plenty of time for all this; you don’t all have to bundle me! Seriously, you’re crowding me here!” He laughed, bumping his fist to Craig and Zahra’s fondly, before shaking Aleister’s hand warmly.

“Good to see you again, Taylor.” The pale man greeted him warmly, his arm resting gently behind Grace’s back, as she covered her mouth with her hand to muffle her quiet sobs of happiness.

“Oh, Grace…” he murmured, carefully detaching himself from the others and wrapping his arms around her tentatively, mindful of her prominent baby bump. “Pregnant ladies shouldn’t cry.” He whispered, laughing quietly when she swatted his arm and crushing herself against him.

“Don’t you tell me what to do, mister!” She laughed through her tears, sniffling quietly as she kissed his cheek. “None of this would have been possible without you…” she whispered in his ear, before pulling away to allow Estela her own hug.

“I’m fairly confident that  _ that _ is one situation I can  _ not _ be blamed for.” Taylor scoffed, winking at Grace, before turning to Estela. “Please don’t hit me…” he said, wincing in anticipation and peeking through the slim crack of one eye.

Estela rolled her eyes, shaking her head as she gripped Taylor in a rough embrace which could, technically, be labeled a hug. Or so Taylor believed. “Thankyou.” She said simply, stepping back as her hand naturally found Kele’s beside her.

“Kele,” Taylor greeted, grinning brightly. “Glad to see you assimilated alright in the end.” He said, snickering at Kele’s small blush of embarrassment.

“It… was not always easy.” Kele admitted, glancing at Estela and smiling warmly. “But I believe… I found where I was meant to be.”

Taylor laughed at Estela’s resulting blush, shaking his head and turning to face Michelle. “You look an awful lot happier since the last time I saw you.” He commented lightly.

“Mmm,” she agreed, folding herself around him for an extended pause, before leaning back against Sean. “A lot of things have changed, thanks to your help.” She said, smiling brilliantly as Sean and Taylor shook hands.

“Ah, so he got his head out of his ass at last?” He asked, grinning as Sean rolled his eyes.

“He did.” Michelle agreed slyly, laughing as he tickled her side gently. “We have a very stable understanding now.” She said, her gaze softening as Sean leaned closer and kissed the top of her hair.

Taylor covered his eyes playfully and turned around, blinking in surprise and turning his gaze upward just in time to see Raj’s huge grin, before his friend had swept him up into a hug which lifted him entirely off the ground. “ _ Dude!” _ He exclaimed happily, as Taylor laughed; having lost count of the times Raj had repeated his favourite phrase. 

“I know Raj, I know… me too buddy.” He chuckled, patting Raj’s arm gently. “Um… could you uh..?” he asked, gesturing to the solid ground a few inches beneath his feet.

“Huh?” Raj hummed, peering over Taylor at the distant floor. “Oh! Sorry little Doodlejump…” he chuckled, carefully setting Taylor back on his feet.

“No worries, Raj.” Taylor huffed, rubbing his chest faintly as he sucked in a deep breath. “Always down for a hug from my favourite celebrity chef.” He snickered, as Raj ran his hand through his hair, chuckling with sudden bashfulness. “Hey, none of that shyness… you’ll never be able to-  _ oof _ !” The rest of Taylor’s playful jibe was lost as his breath escaped him in a shocked burst, a solid but soft weight crushing itself to his chest and a sea of red hair smothering him.

Taylor glanced around his friends as the iron bars behind his neck tightened, burying him deeper in the fountain of hair across his face. “Quinn!” He choked, silently pleading with the others amused faces. “Quinn! Can’t breathe, Quinn!” He gasped, his hands rising to the redhead’s shoulders and attempting to prise her from him.

“Shut up!” Quinn’s muffled voice yelled from over his shoulder, as Taylor snorted and gave up trying to extricate himself from her hold, sucking in a deep breath as he instead folded himself around her in return. “Stupid, Taylor…” she sniffled, as Taylor squeezed her gently.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah… Taylor dumb, I know.” Taylor sighed, rolling his eyes at the familiar insult. “You know, considering I’m someone who has been going around kicking all your asses into gear, you guys could be a  _ little  _ nicer.” He grumbled playfully, though he made no further complaints.

Quinn sniffed again, exhaling a shaky breath as she finally loosened her hold around Taylor’s neck, slowly pulling away to peek at him with red rimmed eyes. “Stupid, Taylor.” She muttered again, kissing his cheek gently, before finally stepping away and leaning against Kele’s other arm.

Taylor grinned, about to respond with another wondrous, witty retort; only for his amusement to fade, as his eyes fell upon his best friend; eyeing him warily, as if waiting for him to disappear again. Taylor’s smile faded, evolving into a lopsided grin as his gaze softened. “Hey, assbutt.” He said quietly.

“Hey.” Diego said tightly, still eyeing him uncertainly as Taylor inched closer. Three steps away from him, Taylor paused; biting his lip briefly, before he and Diego moved as one, colliding in a tight embrace. “I hate you, Taylor.” Diego mumbled over Taylor’s shoulder.

“Yeah… I’m getting a lot of that, right now.” Taylor replied quietly, squeezing his best friend tightly as they stood and shared an unspoken moment of brotherhood. Taylor sighed, contentment blossoming in his chest at being surrounded by his friends and loved ones once more. “Gimme time though…” he sighed, chuckling as he turned his head to whisper in Diego’s ear. “I’ll get you to make me best man again-”

“ _ Hey _ !” Diego yelped, jerking backward as Taylor laughed at his best friends wide eyed shock. He covered his mouth with his hand and snickered to himself as Diego glanced around their friends, his face slowly darkening with first pink and then a darker shadow of red. “That is… that is between me and Mike; that is not for  _ you  _ to come along and just… just…”

“Diego, jeez, don’t give yourself a hernia.” Taylor snorted, raising both palms in placation. “I’m not about to blab… just, you know; when you’re ready… I’ll be waiting for you to ask me.” He said smugly, his lips twitching with amusement as Diego huffed and shook his head in exasperation.

“Dude, you are so annoying.” He sighed, bumping his fist to Taylor’s when it was offered, before clapping him in another short hug. “I’m really happy to see you again, Taylor.” He said as they parted.

"Yeah, I've heard." Taylor shot back, grinning as Mike curled his arm around Diego's shoulders and pulled him to his side. "Well hello there,  _ mas- _ " 

"Don't even try it, Kid, I got years more practice pissin' folk off; an' ya know I'll whip ya ass." Mike snorted, offering his hand and tugging Taylor into a one armed bearhug as soon as he clapped his palm into Mike's. "Good to see ya in the flesh, hey?"

Taylor grinned and waved his eyebrows playfully. "And you're even fully dressed, too… wonders never cease, hey?" He quipped back smugly, grinning as Mike laughed and Diego flushed crimson with embarrassment. "I'm glad you two have made each other so happy…" he said more seriously, drawing in a deep breath as he looked around his friends and sighed with contentment.

"So, if us letting go is what brought you back to us…" Quinn said slowly, frowning at Taylor curiously. "How come it took you so long? I mean, we've been seeing you all year… how come-?"

"C'mon, Quinn… give me a chance." Taylor laughed, shaking his head fondly. "Raj only let go yesterday, you know?" He snickered, the rest of his friends laughing quietly as Raj blushed and scratched the back of his neck guiltily. " _ And _ ," Taylor added, turning to face Jake, who was watching him from the railing; a look of disbelief on his face still as Taylor walked back to him and took his hand gently. " _ Someone _ held the most crucial part of  _ me _ in his heart…" he said playfully, lifting Jake's hand to his lips briefly, before flattening it over the centre of his chest.

Jake cleared his throat and averted his gaze, a dark pink dusting his stubbled cheeks as he frowned at the sprawling jungle beyond the hotel. 

Taylor rolled his eyes, his lips twitching with amusement as he guess his husbands thoughts, knowing he doubted both his sanity and his consciousness at present.

Despite knowing what his suspicious lover thought, Taylor felt happiness bubble within him, fizzing through his veins like a can of coke that had been shaken and was about to explode. He knew there would be many talks about his decision, probably even fights and many words spoken in anger… but he also knew he had forever to work through them, with the man he loved and had married.

Taylor couldn't stop himself from grinning, bouncing on the balls of his feet as his heart burst with joy at the thought of the long, happy,  _ human _ life ahead of him; with Jake.

"Look out," Mike warned with a knowing snicker. "He's gonna pop…" 

Jake looked back at Taylor just in time to see him drop his hand, spin on his heel to face their friends and throw both his hands in the air. " _ Hey _ !" He cried, clapping his palms together as the torches at the edge of the rooftop flickered and began to weave to a beat which Taylor began tapping out with his feet.

Jake sighed as Taylor laughed, closing his eyes as he listened to the music in his heart and spun around with his arms spread wide.

"Do you hear that..?" He heard Michelle whisper distantly, grinning as he opened his eyes and shuffled across the rooftop.

_ "So let the people talk… it's Monday morning! Walk…"  _ Taylor sang happily, glancing slyly toward his husband, who shook his head in exasperation of Taylor's exuberant and unpredictable nature.  _ "Right past the fabulous… mess we're in!" _ He sang, shuffling back toward his husband and looping his arms around his neck.

_ "It's gonna be a beautiful day!" _ Taylor whispered, exaggerating the weave of his hips as he danced against his husband. " _ So listen to the bluebirds sing… as I take your hand," _ he sang, doing exactly that and slipping his arm free of Jake's neck, plucking his hand from where it had tentatively settled upon Taylor's hip. " _ And you take my kiss…" _ he whispered, pressing his lips to Jake's hand, the touch gentle lingering as he met Jake's eyes with silent promises in his determined gaze. " _ And we take the world." _ He whispered, holding Jake's gaze a moment longer before his eyes cut towards the rest of his assembled friends.

_ "'Cause out of all the people I've known, the places I've been…" _ he breathed, smiling at them all as he stepped forward, though he was amused to note that Jake gripped his hand a little tighter, before he slipped away from him. " _ The songs that I have sung, the wonders I've seen… _ " he sang, spreading his arms as he turned a slow circle to meet each pair of curious and amused eyes individually.

_ "Now that the dreams are all coming true… who is the one that leads me on through?" _ He asked, laughing when the low hum of music flared suddenly and startled his friends as it burst to life all around them. _ "It's you!" _ He cried, pointing at Jake and winking playfully.

_ "Who puts me in the... magic position, darling now," _ he sang, stomping his foot and clapping his hands to the beat, before pointing both index fingers at Jake. " **_You_ ** _ put me in the magic position!" _ He cheered, grinning as he shuffled his feet and cocked his head with a wink.  _ "To live, to learn, to love in... the major key." _

Taylor smiled at his husband, his hips bouncing with restless energy as he extended both hands to Jake imploringly. " _ And I know how you've hurt… and been dragged through the dirt," _ he admitted quietly, his smile growing as Jake sighed and reluctantly stepped forward to tentatively take his hands. " _ But c'mon get back up… it's the time to live!" _ He sang happily, tugging on Jake's hands and grinning cheekily at his husbands snort of amusement.

_ "So give your love to me…"  _ Taylor requested, wiggling his brows suggestively as Jake's lips reluctantly quirked into an amused smirk.  _ "I'm gonna keep it carefully!" _ Taylor promised, folding his hands over his own heart. " _ Deep in the treasure chest, my whole life through…" _ he said, smiling as he looked around his friends, who were dancing to the music around them.

_ "'Cause out of all the people I've known, the places I've been… _ " he breathed, shaking his head as his heart bubbled with love and joy in his chest. " _ The songs that I have sung, the wonders I've seen…" _ he said, looking back at Jake when he was surprised by his husbands hands slipping into his own. " _ Now that the dreams are all coming true… who is the one that leads me on through?" _ He asked, his smile blinding as Jake sighed and rolled his eyes, before twirling arpund and leading Taylor in a weaving dance among their friends. " _ It's you!" _

Taylor felt his eyes prick with tears, his heart overflowing with love amd joy as he watched his friends smiling faces pass him by, trustinf Jake to guide him entirely. " _ Who puts me in the magic position, darling now?" _ He cheered, laughing when his friends all paused to clap loudly. " **_You_ ** _ put me in the magic position, darling now!" _ He sang, choking briefly on the words as his heart leapt into his throat.

_ "Let me put you in the... magic position, darling," _ he pleaded with Jake, peering up at him longingly as Jake maneuvered him around the rooftop.  _ "'Cause I'm singing in the, the major key…" _

Taylor watched as Jake swallowed heavily, glancing away briefly as they danced to glimpse their friends. He saw their happiness for himself as he glanced briefly around them, the world a blur of colour and motion and joy as Jake twirled him with surprising grace, though his movements noticeably slowed as he looked back at Taylor with flickers of hope in his clear eyes.

Taylor smiled as they drifted to a halt a short distance from their friends, closing his eyes briefly as Jake's hands rose slowly to cup his cheeks.  _ "Let me put you in the…"  _ he whispered, opening his eyes as Jake pressed his finger to his lips to silence him.

Taylor's breath caught as he watched Jake lean closer slowly, knowing there would be struggles, that there would be good times and bad… and eagerly looked forward to ever second. As he tipped his head to meet Jake's lips with his own, he closed his eyes and breathed the final words he felt in his heart were a promise between them for the remaonder of their lives together. 

_ "Major key-" _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: The Magic Position - Patrick Wolfe
> 
> https://youtu.be/SFI9s6INJPQ


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